Pity, party of One
I'm sick, and totally feeling sorry for myself. What's worse, is I'm not just feeling sad because I'm sick and really don't want to be, but I'm feeling completely frustrated by the fact that it's been a really busy week at work. In other words, no sick day. Not only did I not get a sick day, I had to work really hard on Wednesday, when I was all snot-filled, oozy, woozy and high on DayQuil. Imagine my tears of frustration when I got home from work, LATE, exhausted and hungry, wishing desperately that I'd been able stay home, nurse my head cold and watch my Season Three Girlmore Girls DVDs all day.
(Sidenote:
I enjoy watching the Gilmore Girls, but I'm starting to suspect that it's really bad for my self esteem. The reason is that while I like to think I identify most with Lane, with our shared rock & roll history obsessions, the truth is I find myself unwillingly identifying with Rory. And often when I watch the show, I don't like Rory because I find her passive, unoriginal, and a weaker character than her friends and family think she is. A fraud, even. So when the over-identification occurs, the self-esteem plummets. Yes, it's irrational. Shut up.
Of course then I quickly get over it because, like Lane, I can find unending solace in the right musical selection. Today it's Nouvelle Vague, and a big thank you to Amanda for hooking me up. Moving on.)
Okay, so then yesterday, still sick, I had to dope the hell up on 3 different kinds of shit so I could fly to Vegas, do a client presentation, and fly back. Which was The SUCK, as both flights helped to build up so much pressure in my already congested head that I seriously thought I was going to have an aneurysm. I didn't, however, so today I'm back at work and blogging defiantly, because I still feel entitled to the Sick Day That Never Was.
I'm a Dork
I've actually been trying to figure out how to blog this little "I'm a dork" story, but it involves me going out of my way to sit near a cute guy on the plane, which I happen to think is perfectly innocent but, well. Tell me if you agree.
It's a Southwest, choose-your-own-seat kind of flight and there are two window seats left at the front of the plane. One is next to old fat guy, the other is next to cute college athlete (who looks like an old high school crush). What's a girl to do? Be a dork, take the window seat near the cute boy who may or may not be Samoan or Brazilian, be totally disappointed when the 50 year old mom-type woman takes the middle seat between you (stupid full flight), and spend the rest of the hour between Las Vegas and Burbank trying to find a way to insert yourself into their conversation, even though it's totally boring and about him going to college in Utah and playing sports or whatever. And then, after landing, realize that you are a dork for wanting to sit next to Cute College Guy in the first place, as he says his super sweet goodbye to the woman and tries to recruit her by giving her a freaking Book of Mormon as a gift.
Which, by the way, is totally uncanny because not only did he look like that cute Shane Magalei from high school (Samoan, total Renaissance dude, sweetheart), but they both went to BYU. Are the Mormons, like, actively recruiting super-cute, super-tall, exotic-looking athletes? Because, if so, it's not a bad strategy. These guys could convert a bunch of cute little wives that way. Each.
I'm Also a Geek
That's right, I love comic books. I do! When I was little I used to read all of my brother's Star Wars and Indiana Jones comics and as an adult, I still read all my husband's DC and Marvel comics. Granted, I'm not so obsessed that I can name all 6 Green Lanterns or whatever and for the love of GOD do not correct me because I don't care. But I do enjoy the stories behind comic book heroes. In fact the more backstory the better. Unlike my friend Alf, I prefer the Marvel universe to the DC, because the heroes use their pain to become better people/crime fighters. (He, on the other hand, doesn't like his super heroes to have "issues." Although, looking at some of the DC outfits, I'd argue they do whether they've been explained or not. Red panties OVER the blue tights? I'm just saying.) That said, there's one DC character I love: Batman.
So dark, so mysterious, and seriously? A bat? Why a bat? Catwoman, I get--cats are slinky, mischievous, playful and viscous. Bats, on the other hand, are flying rodents who get in your attic and have to be chased out with a tennis racket.
I have other questions about Batman. Like (to quote The Joker) where does he get those wonderful toys? Think about it. There's Bruce Wayne with his bazillions of dollars, ordering all of his crime-fighting shit from wherever. How exactly does that conversation go?
Bruce: "I'm going to need 200 grappling hooks, 4 boxes of smoke bombs, a flat of bullet-proof car armor (black), and 6 cases of bat-shaped ninja throwing stars."
Supplier: "Not a problem Mr. Wayne. If you don't mind my asking, though, what's all this for?"
Bruce: "Nothing! Nothing at all! Just a hobby!"
*click*
Well, my friends, if you have ever cooked your noodle wondering the same thing, do yourself a favor and go see Batman Begins. If not for the imaginative back-story, killer sets or the understated Gary Oldman performance, then go for Christian Bale. Because seriously, who needs bat-shaped throwing stars when your cheekbones can cut glass?
Jones? JONES?
Finally, I have to tell you about the best celebrity sighting EVER. I have been dining out on this story for weeks ever since I heard it. I just discovered today that I got it ALL WRONG. To get the full scoop, here's what you do:
1. Read the story told by the person who actually had the sighting, Amanda, in her blog entry entitled "Surrender Dorothy."
2. Come back here, and discover that I thought she was actually talking about this guy.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Friday, June 03, 2005
Mushiness. Suck it up.
I've talked about this before, but I just can't help myself.
It's not cool or snarky or funny to talk about love, so if you come to this site to be entertained, then you are SOL. Today, at least. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about some of the outfits I saw at this beer-launching party I attended last night because hoooooooWEE are Angelinos lost without some crappy trucker hat/Ugg boot/Kangol/frilly mini skirt trend to follow. I'm talking Laura Ingalls Wilder in the same room as Humpty Hump, y'all, it was NOT pretty.
Where was I? Ah, yes. Love.
Basically I was reading this forum online and people were trading their ideas on what love is. Really insightful stuff, actually. I started to compose my two cents, however, and it turned into, like, a buck fitty. Then again, I am a newlywed and, as such, madly in love and prone to mushiness. Suck it up.
I have so many details I want to share about our wedding which was, in my mind, perfect. Not because everything went without a hitch, although I'm pretty sure it did. And not because it was everything a "perfect wedding" should be although, for us, it totally was. What was perfect about it, really, was how very US it all felt. The venue, the food, the music, the attire, everything. Even the ceremony, which is one of the last details we hammered into place.
We talked a lot about what we wanted for the ceremony. "Short" was the first word to pop out of our mouths, followed by "meaningful." We wanted something that encompassed us, our relationship, and the reasons for why we were making this commitment to each other, in front of all of our family and friends. The theme quickly became, simply, "Love."
mAc's dad, our officiant, talked about the Bible verse Corinthians 13, the whole "Love is patient, love is kind" thing. But he also put it into context, telling the whole story for why Paul was writing that letter to the Corinthians, and exactly what form of Love he's referring to.
Because there are different kinds of love, right? There's a brotherly, familial love, there's romantic love and there's the plain ol' horny "Naked, please!" kind of love. But in this verse, the Love he's referring to is actually called Agape, which is the word for a love that is both unconditional and a conscious choice. It's a good word.
We also had two readings, from mAc's sister and from one of my best friends. My new sister-in-law read a quote from, of all things, Captain Correlli's Mandolin. I know, Nic Cage's accent, but seriously? Check it:
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because that is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That just being 'in love' which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is leftover when being in love has burned away, and that is both an art and a fortunate accident. Both of your parents have it, they have roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from their branches they found that they were one tree and not two. That is what we see in you."
Great, right? Our other reading was also love-centric, although it ended up taking a slightly different approach. I tasked my dear friend Mike with finding something that described love, marriage and commitment, and he ended up not only reading the Bruce Springsteen quote I suggested, but the accompanying email that I sent him as well.
Bruce: "See, bands get formed by accident, but they don't survive by accident. It takes will, intent, a sense of shared purpose, and a tolerance for your friends' fallibilities...and they of yours. And that only evens the odds."
Me: "Even though he's talking about a band, the same concept applies to lasting relationships and, in this case, marriage. Maybe mAc and I came together by accident; maybe it was fate; maybe it was God's Plan. But no matter who or what gets credit for two people coming together, they don't stay together out of luck, they stay together out of will, intent, a sense of shared purpose and a tolerance of each other's fallibilities.
And then, when you take that and elevate it so that instead of tolerating each other, you celebrate each other, and your will and intent and shared sense of purpose is focused on how you will love and cherish and support the other, well, then. I think you've gone from a marriage that will probably work, to a divinely blissful union that makes you thank God (or fate or chance) *every day* that the two of you were able to find each other.
So there's that."
So, overall, what is love? For me, it boils down to one thing: choice.
Sometimes it may seem like love has chosen you, especially when your beloved is singing badly or snoring or farting or slurping and you find yourself thinking, "Awww! He's so Dreamy!" (Followed immediately by, "The hell? Ew!" And then, "But still... hee!") It's a weird phenomenon that happens to a person in love, and it's easy to write it off and say, "Yeah, but I'm in love," as though it's something that happened to you and it just can't be helped.
But the truth is the good stuff? The true stuff, and the lasting stuff? It is a choice you make, and it is unconditional.
I love you, baby.
It's not cool or snarky or funny to talk about love, so if you come to this site to be entertained, then you are SOL. Today, at least. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about some of the outfits I saw at this beer-launching party I attended last night because hoooooooWEE are Angelinos lost without some crappy trucker hat/Ugg boot/Kangol/frilly mini skirt trend to follow. I'm talking Laura Ingalls Wilder in the same room as Humpty Hump, y'all, it was NOT pretty.
Where was I? Ah, yes. Love.
Basically I was reading this forum online and people were trading their ideas on what love is. Really insightful stuff, actually. I started to compose my two cents, however, and it turned into, like, a buck fitty. Then again, I am a newlywed and, as such, madly in love and prone to mushiness. Suck it up.
I have so many details I want to share about our wedding which was, in my mind, perfect. Not because everything went without a hitch, although I'm pretty sure it did. And not because it was everything a "perfect wedding" should be although, for us, it totally was. What was perfect about it, really, was how very US it all felt. The venue, the food, the music, the attire, everything. Even the ceremony, which is one of the last details we hammered into place.
We talked a lot about what we wanted for the ceremony. "Short" was the first word to pop out of our mouths, followed by "meaningful." We wanted something that encompassed us, our relationship, and the reasons for why we were making this commitment to each other, in front of all of our family and friends. The theme quickly became, simply, "Love."
mAc's dad, our officiant, talked about the Bible verse Corinthians 13, the whole "Love is patient, love is kind" thing. But he also put it into context, telling the whole story for why Paul was writing that letter to the Corinthians, and exactly what form of Love he's referring to.
Because there are different kinds of love, right? There's a brotherly, familial love, there's romantic love and there's the plain ol' horny "Naked, please!" kind of love. But in this verse, the Love he's referring to is actually called Agape, which is the word for a love that is both unconditional and a conscious choice. It's a good word.
We also had two readings, from mAc's sister and from one of my best friends. My new sister-in-law read a quote from, of all things, Captain Correlli's Mandolin. I know, Nic Cage's accent, but seriously? Check it:
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because that is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That just being 'in love' which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is leftover when being in love has burned away, and that is both an art and a fortunate accident. Both of your parents have it, they have roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from their branches they found that they were one tree and not two. That is what we see in you."
Great, right? Our other reading was also love-centric, although it ended up taking a slightly different approach. I tasked my dear friend Mike with finding something that described love, marriage and commitment, and he ended up not only reading the Bruce Springsteen quote I suggested, but the accompanying email that I sent him as well.
Bruce: "See, bands get formed by accident, but they don't survive by accident. It takes will, intent, a sense of shared purpose, and a tolerance for your friends' fallibilities...and they of yours. And that only evens the odds."
Me: "Even though he's talking about a band, the same concept applies to lasting relationships and, in this case, marriage. Maybe mAc and I came together by accident; maybe it was fate; maybe it was God's Plan. But no matter who or what gets credit for two people coming together, they don't stay together out of luck, they stay together out of will, intent, a sense of shared purpose and a tolerance of each other's fallibilities.
And then, when you take that and elevate it so that instead of tolerating each other, you celebrate each other, and your will and intent and shared sense of purpose is focused on how you will love and cherish and support the other, well, then. I think you've gone from a marriage that will probably work, to a divinely blissful union that makes you thank God (or fate or chance) *every day* that the two of you were able to find each other.
So there's that."
So, overall, what is love? For me, it boils down to one thing: choice.
Sometimes it may seem like love has chosen you, especially when your beloved is singing badly or snoring or farting or slurping and you find yourself thinking, "Awww! He's so Dreamy!" (Followed immediately by, "The hell? Ew!" And then, "But still... hee!") It's a weird phenomenon that happens to a person in love, and it's easy to write it off and say, "Yeah, but I'm in love," as though it's something that happened to you and it just can't be helped.
But the truth is the good stuff? The true stuff, and the lasting stuff? It is a choice you make, and it is unconditional.
I love you, baby.
Monday, May 16, 2005
It really was perfect
In a word: perfect. And as someone with fairly high expectations for "Our Special Day," that's saying a lot. Except it isn't, because it's accurate--it really was perfect.
I'll elaborate more, but I'm exhausted. I think I'll change my name and flee the country. Or maybe just flee the country for a little while and change my name when I get back.
To everyone who came, thank you. We love you! To everyone who missed it, the pictures will be up shortly...
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Just me then? Oh, fine.
You know that moment, when you're in the final stages of wedding planning, when you're sitting at the computer at 6 a.m. waiting for your mom to come over so you can go buy flowers, and you've only had 2 1/2 hours of sleep because even though you got back from your bachelorette at around 1, you stayed up til 2:30 finalizing the playlists for the wedding on your computer so you just wouldn't have to worry about it the next day, and now that you're exhausted, awake and getting ready to do your next project, you're both angry that you're up so early on so little sleep and resentful of your fiance passed out on the couch in front of you, or at least you would be if you weren't so tired?
No? Just me then? Oh, fine.
In other news, my bachelorette took place last night and confirmed, once and for all, that I know the most fabulous women in the world. And the coolest men, for that matter, as I got a few of them as well. Ladies, if you're reading: I had an amazing time, it was so wonderful to see you, I appreciate so much that you're here and I love you very much!!!
May the good times continue to roll. Right after a nice long nap.
No? Just me then? Oh, fine.
In other news, my bachelorette took place last night and confirmed, once and for all, that I know the most fabulous women in the world. And the coolest men, for that matter, as I got a few of them as well. Ladies, if you're reading: I had an amazing time, it was so wonderful to see you, I appreciate so much that you're here and I love you very much!!!
May the good times continue to roll. Right after a nice long nap.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
It's definitely stress.
Today's my last day to myself before the wedding and it's almost over. At 7:30 mAc comes home, at 8:30 my best friend shows up to help me finish stuff, and at 9:30 my brother and his girls arrive. And with that, we are officially off to the races. Everyone else is in tomorrow and Thursday.
I've had this extremely tight feeling in my stomache for the last couple hours. I couldn't tell if it was stress or if I was just hungry. So I ate something.
It's definitely stress. Oh, what a relief it... isn't.
I've had this extremely tight feeling in my stomache for the last couple hours. I couldn't tell if it was stress or if I was just hungry. So I ate something.
It's definitely stress. Oh, what a relief it... isn't.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Among other things
Yesterday I decoupaged 108 votives for our wedding. It was extremely time-consuming and tedious, but they came out GREAT.
Only 6 more days to go! Time's a wastin'...
Only 6 more days to go! Time's a wastin'...
Sunday, May 08, 2005
One Week
In exactly one week, I'll take my father's arm and walk down the aisle to get married to the love of my life.
So, you know, the blog's a little outdated. What can I say? I've been a little busy.
So, you know, the blog's a little outdated. What can I say? I've been a little busy.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Look out!
We have a license to . . . marry. Okay, so it's not as dangerous as a license to kill (although in the wrong hands, Britney), and not as Corey as a license to drive. But we have one. Because the really fun thing about getting married is the paperwork.
In other news, I've lost 6 pounds over the last month and over an inch in the circumference of my waist, hips, butt, etc. All because I discovered a fabulous new way to reduce the mass of my ass. Goes like this: eat less crap, eat more vegetables, exercise 3 - 4 times a week. What? That's not new? Just me, then? Oh well. But hey, it works!
Finally, I desperately want these
but in a lower heel and in a less retarded price range. Still, I had to share, because looky! How pretty!
Ah, Choo.
In other news, I've lost 6 pounds over the last month and over an inch in the circumference of my waist, hips, butt, etc. All because I discovered a fabulous new way to reduce the mass of my ass. Goes like this: eat less crap, eat more vegetables, exercise 3 - 4 times a week. What? That's not new? Just me, then? Oh well. But hey, it works!
Finally, I desperately want these
but in a lower heel and in a less retarded price range. Still, I had to share, because looky! How pretty!
Ah, Choo.
Monday, April 25, 2005
The Countdown's ON
It's been ages, but you know what? I'm getting married in 3 weeks. May 15. I have things to do. You know--buy shoes, get a marriage license, finalize an itinerary for family/wedding party, buy more decor (because I'm not at all panicked that our venue is too dark or sparse), and figure out how I'm going to make The Pox that has broken out across my face go away. The Vesuvius-like formation on my cheek is especially problematic. It's so deep it's going into my soul.
In the flip side...I'm getting married in 3 weeks! Wheeee! How exciting is that? I'll tell you: very, very. Of all the things I'm nervous about, that's the one thing that actually calms me down. The fact that I have no idea how many flowers we need freaks me out; the idea of being married to this guy thrills me beyond belief and oddly relaxes me in the midst of all the last-minute chaos of wedding planning.
But what about you, dear reader? What are you going to read when you've checked my blog for the 3rd week in a row to discover that I haven't updated sweet F A? Well, I'll tell you. My friend Allistair finally started his own blog, complete with razor sharp wit, geeky links and drunken photos. My friend Alf, bless him, got sacked from the hive of evil and idiocy (aka "talent agency") where he worked, and his since gotten more prolific. The Mea Culpa entry is especially awesome. And finally, if you've ever wanted to read the blog of a sassy, Southern Miss Priss-turned-funeral director, and you have an account on MySpace, then check out the poetry and prose of my friend Amanda. It reads like Le Tigre covering a Smiths song.
Or, if you're here just for me, then just stay tuned. If you're really lucky, I might tell you more about what kind of votive candle holders we get and how our ceremony programs turn out. Good times.
In the flip side...I'm getting married in 3 weeks! Wheeee! How exciting is that? I'll tell you: very, very. Of all the things I'm nervous about, that's the one thing that actually calms me down. The fact that I have no idea how many flowers we need freaks me out; the idea of being married to this guy thrills me beyond belief and oddly relaxes me in the midst of all the last-minute chaos of wedding planning.
But what about you, dear reader? What are you going to read when you've checked my blog for the 3rd week in a row to discover that I haven't updated sweet F A? Well, I'll tell you. My friend Allistair finally started his own blog, complete with razor sharp wit, geeky links and drunken photos. My friend Alf, bless him, got sacked from the hive of evil and idiocy (aka "talent agency") where he worked, and his since gotten more prolific. The Mea Culpa entry is especially awesome. And finally, if you've ever wanted to read the blog of a sassy, Southern Miss Priss-turned-funeral director, and you have an account on MySpace, then check out the poetry and prose of my friend Amanda. It reads like Le Tigre covering a Smiths song.
Or, if you're here just for me, then just stay tuned. If you're really lucky, I might tell you more about what kind of votive candle holders we get and how our ceremony programs turn out. Good times.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
What's the word?
Sexy Fierce Tough Sweet Hot Happy Sassy Tight Rock Edgy Tart Power Vixen Love Cool
Excellent.
Last night, Garbage delivered yet another amazing show. They made me dance, they made me laugh, they made me scream. They made me want to attack mAc in the middle of the show. They blew my mind.
Their newest album, "Bleed Like Me," hits stores today. I'll do a full review later, but from what I've heard so far, you should just join me in running to the nearest music store and picking it up.
Excellent.
Last night, Garbage delivered yet another amazing show. They made me dance, they made me laugh, they made me scream. They made me want to attack mAc in the middle of the show. They blew my mind.
Their newest album, "Bleed Like Me," hits stores today. I'll do a full review later, but from what I've heard so far, you should just join me in running to the nearest music store and picking it up.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
A day in the life of...
If you were a fly on the wall in my office just now, you would have heard the following exchange. In this scenario, I'm chomping away on a healthy late afternoon snack of baby carrots, and showing someone some artwork that our graphic designer did for one of our projects. Names have been changed to protect coworkers I actually like.
Me, impressed: Look at this fabulous artwork Susie did! Isn't it great?
Fern, impressed and curious: Oh wow. That's great. I wonder where she got that image?
Me, getting up from desk: I don't know, let's go ask her.
Fern, mischievously: Hey! When we go in her office, we should have our Serious Faces on and pretend we hated it to freak her out.
Me, plaintively: But I'm eating a carrot!
As if that explains everything.
Me, impressed: Look at this fabulous artwork Susie did! Isn't it great?
Fern, impressed and curious: Oh wow. That's great. I wonder where she got that image?
Me, getting up from desk: I don't know, let's go ask her.
Fern, mischievously: Hey! When we go in her office, we should have our Serious Faces on and pretend we hated it to freak her out.
Me, plaintively: But I'm eating a carrot!
As if that explains everything.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Mix of the Month: April
This month's mix is actually an assignment I had for this CD swap project that I participate in each month. The assignment in this case was "Duplicity."
It turned out to be one of the toughest and most rewarding CD mix assignments I have ever done. I'm not sure why I struggled so much, except that I thought it was such a fascinating topic and I wanted very much to capture the essence of the word itself, not just amass as many cheatin’ songs as I could find. I wanted the perfect collection of songs that, on their own, would perfectly describe Duplicity.
I enlisted a lot of help with this mix, so I'd like to take this opportunity to give mad props to Conrad, Brian, Amanda, Mikey, Amy and mAc. Let me know how we did.
DUPLICITY
Lyin’ Ass Bitch/Fishbone - I can’t think of a better way to start a duplicitous mix, and for this suggestion, I thank my friend Conrad. Even if you don’t love ska, the La La La’s are totally infectious and the ending just kicks ass, pure and simple. “Lying piece of sack of shit slut trash can scummest dirt bag... Biiiitch!”
Two Girls/Cinerama - This song was a gift from my hip friend Amanda, and would have kicked off the mix had Conrad not suggested the Perfect Song for just that. Before I read the actual lyrics, I thought this guy was singing about dating two girls at once because his girlfriend was schizophrenic and/or bipolar. As it turns out, he really is just a cheating bastard. “I didn't plan on falling for two girls at the same time / I didn't plan on lying to you.” Either way, it’s perfectly duplicitous, especially since his two girls are clearly such polar opposites: “You are perfection personified / While, frankly, she's undignified.”
Would I Lie to You?/Eurythmics - This is just the first of a handful of songs that beg the question, “Would I lie to you?” In this particular case, I believe that Annie is throwing the phrase back in the face of her lover-turned-cheater with a defiant, unsaid Fuck You: “Tell you straight - no intervention / To your face - no deception / You're the biggest fake / That much is true / Had all I can take / Now I'm leaving you.” You tell him, sister.
Cheating on You/Franz Ferdinand - On the flip side, Franz Ferdinand is just coming right out and admitting his infidelity. Hell, they’re practically celebrating it. “Goodbye girl, you know you want me / Goodbye girl, yes I'm a loser… I'm cheating on you, yeah.” And I have to ask—ladies, when will we learn?? I mean, the fact that his girlfriend is staying with him despite the cheating is stupid rocker boyfriend BULLSHIT that unfortunately happens all the time, and when will we girls learn that these boys in bands, while hot, are BAD NEWS??? The Franz Ferdinand answer: never.
You Don’t Know Me/Ray Charles - Thanks to the movie and its recent Oscar success, Ray Charles has gotten seriously over-exposed. You might not want to hear “Hit the Road Jack” again for a very long time. But to leave him alone altogether would be to miss out on this lovely gem about rock ‘n’ roll’s greatest theme, ever: unrequited love. It’s sweet, yearning, heartbreaking, and yet admittedly deceiving, as he clearly hasn’t told his beloved about his feelings. And so, she goes along blindly treating him like just friend, and breaking his heart. “You think you know me well / But you don't know me.”
Was it a Lie?/Sleater Kinney - Here’s a whole different kind of duplicity—the lying liars in the media, and the lying web of lies they spin. The full lyrics to this song tell just the saddest most horrifying story you’ve ever heard: a woman is killed on the train tracks and, without firm evidence, the media asserts suicide and turns it into their Hot Story. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t, but either way, is it right to use a woman’s personal tragedy for entertainment? Sleater Kinney wants to know: “was it a lie? / did it fill your head / did it entertain? / Will you feel alive at the end of it?”
Outlaw/Olive - This was a suggestion from my friend Brian and an extremely appropriate one at that. He reads it as a woman who finds out her boyfriend is gay/bi and cheating on her. I think he’s right. The lyrics? Are perfect: “Two faces / Playing with my trust in you / You cover all your traces / And watch me relax with you.” Exactly the essence of Duplicity.
Who Is He (And what is he to you)?/Bill Withers - This was a suggestion from my sister Amy. Because just because you’re lying and cheating, it doesn’t mean your significant other hasn’t figured out your bullshit, you cheating liar, you. I love this lyric: “When I add the sum of you and me / I get confused when I keep coming up with 3.”
Liar/Rollins Band - Okay. So I worked on this mix for awhile and, as you can see, enlisted the help of several people. Throughout it all, I kept bugging mAc about trying to find just one more perfect song. Just one more song that is the most evil, two-faced, deceitful, duplicitous song ever. And throughout it all, he was just as hard-pressed as I was to think of That Song I was trying to think of. Until, that is, the day I finished the mix. I was reading the final track list to him when he suddenly blurted out, “Liar! Henry Rollins!” (And then he started yelling/singing, much like Henry, “Cause I’m a LIAR!!!!” and it was really cute.) One listen and I felt, finally, like I’d found just the song I was looking for. Many of the other songs on this mix like to tease you with their deception; Henry gets right in your face, screams at you that he’s lying to you, and then calls you an idiot for not noticing. If you’ve ever wondered whether or not Henry Rollins is bitter about watching the girls he likes date scum bag liars and not him? Wonder no more. Homeslice is riding the Bitter Train, enjoying a plate of Bitter Pie a la Bitter, with a big full glass of Fuck You for Not Liking Me You Stupid Bitch! Think I’m exaggerating? “I'll hide behind a smile and understanding eyes and I'll tell you things that you already know so you can say: I really identify with you, so much / and all the time that you're needing me is just the time that I'm bleeding you, don't you get it yet? / I'll come to you like an affliction / then I'll leave you like an addiction.” And then, the finale: “I can't believe I ever hurt you, I swear I will never lie to you again / please, just give me more chance, I'll never lie to you again. . . Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Sucker!” So Henry, um, are you going to call me or what?
Deceptacon/Le Tigre - In the true spirit of this mix, I feel I can’t lie to you about this song: it’s not actually about lying, deception, or duplicity in any way that I can tell. It is, however, rockin’ and boppy and fun, and the perfect reprieve after the Rollins Assault. Besides, the title of the song is Deceptacon, and that counts for something in my mix.
Girls! Girls! Girls!/Liz Phair - “I take full advantage / Of every man I meet / I get away almost every day / With what the girls call . . . murder.” Even though, like Henry, Liz is very up front about her evil ways, it somehow comes across far, far sexier. If you can figure out what time this song is in (as in ¾, 4/4, etc.) would you let me know? Thanks.
His N Hers/I Am the World Trade Center - Just so that no aspect of cheating is left unexplored, I had to include the song from the perspective of The Other Woman. “Well you caught me in the middle and I wanted to stop but I was tongue-tied/ His N hers will see & he and she will know that I was the one who lied.”
Lies/EMF - This choice was many things, not the least of which was an attempt to prove there are other songs on Shubert Dip besides “Unbelievable.” It was also an homage of sorts to the bratty Lana Lang on Smallville (“Duplicity” was the title of one of its episodes). It sounds like exactly the kind of accusatory thing she would say: “You said too much / And what you said it was a lie.”
Rub Til It Bleeds/PJ Harvey - Mikey gets the credit for this choice. In general, I think, if your woman says to you, “God’s truth, I’m not lying,” and then starts to chuckle wickedly, chances are she does not have your best interests at heart. In fact, I’d bet good money that her promise to “Rub it ‘til it bleeds” is not, as you originally suspected, a euphemism. Run. Run fast.
Your Cheatin’ Heart/Patsy Cline - Again, it’s the semi-sweet recovery from the previous intense track. In this delightful little tune, Patsy takes a tack at which many moms particularly excel when addressing the one who done her wrong: Guilt. “Your cheatin' heart Will make you weep / You'll cry and cry / And try to sleep / But sleep won't come / The whole night through / Your cheatin' heart / Will tell on you.” The beauty is, she’s not even giving him more reasons to feel guilty, she’s just content to let him fall on is own sword. Well played, Ms. Cline. Well played indeed.
Your Little Secret/Melissa Etheridge - Question: Is it possible to listen to a lesbian sing about secrets and not assume she’s talking about a lover who’s not only still in the closet, but who is also living a straight existence with a man? Answer: No. It’s not possible. See for yourself: “I like the way you look / I know you like me / But one and one and one / Baby, makes three / Stop playing those eyes / If you want me to keep / Your little secret.”
Cherry Lips (Go Baby, Go!)/Garbage - Ah yes, the cutest little ode to a transvestite that you ever did hear. The chimes in the big finish just slay me. Plus, this is one of the few positive tracks on this mix, as in: honey, being the cutest queen ever is hard, but we’ve got your back. Go get ‘em girl. “With your cherry lips and golden curls / You could make grown men gasp when you go walking past / And in your hot pants and high heels / They could not believe that such a body was for real / Because you looked just like a girl.”
Surprise/Luscious Jackson - Like “Deceptacon,” this song was included more for pure rockin’ value and it’s apropos title, especially coming after “Cherry Lips.” Too Crying Game for you? How about this: this song? Is sung from the perspective of semen, and despite what you may believe after hearing these songs, I am not lying. Gross, but true.
Terrible Lie/NIN - Because suicide and trannies and jizz aren’t controversial enough, I thought I’d include a song accusing God of being a big, fat liar. “Hey God, I think you owe me a great big apology.” That Trent, he’s so wounded.
We Might As Well Be Strangers/Keane - At long last, we’re winding down. Duplicity really doesn’t bring out the best in people, does it? Are you amazed at how such an ugly concept with such hateful, bitter lyrics can yield such amazing music? I am. But I also wanted to address the fallout, not just for the liar (thanks again, Patsy), but for the lied-to. As for the victims of duplicity, the ramifications are varied—there’s confusion, pain, anger, extreme bitterness (Henry), and finally, resignation. Maybe this song was just about a couple growing apart. But I can’t think of a more common reason for a couple divided than sheer duplicity. “I don't know your face no more / It's just a place I'm looking for / We might as well be strangers in another town.”
Trust in Me/Etta James - Now that you’ve heard all of these other songs, let me ask you this: when Etta James soothingly and passionately beseeches you to trust her, do you believe her? Would you have believed her before this mix started, but maybe not now? Ever notice how it’s generally the deceitful that have to ask to be trusted? I’m just saying.
It turned out to be one of the toughest and most rewarding CD mix assignments I have ever done. I'm not sure why I struggled so much, except that I thought it was such a fascinating topic and I wanted very much to capture the essence of the word itself, not just amass as many cheatin’ songs as I could find. I wanted the perfect collection of songs that, on their own, would perfectly describe Duplicity.
I enlisted a lot of help with this mix, so I'd like to take this opportunity to give mad props to Conrad, Brian, Amanda, Mikey, Amy and mAc. Let me know how we did.
DUPLICITY
Lyin’ Ass Bitch/Fishbone - I can’t think of a better way to start a duplicitous mix, and for this suggestion, I thank my friend Conrad. Even if you don’t love ska, the La La La’s are totally infectious and the ending just kicks ass, pure and simple. “Lying piece of sack of shit slut trash can scummest dirt bag... Biiiitch!”
Two Girls/Cinerama - This song was a gift from my hip friend Amanda, and would have kicked off the mix had Conrad not suggested the Perfect Song for just that. Before I read the actual lyrics, I thought this guy was singing about dating two girls at once because his girlfriend was schizophrenic and/or bipolar. As it turns out, he really is just a cheating bastard. “I didn't plan on falling for two girls at the same time / I didn't plan on lying to you.” Either way, it’s perfectly duplicitous, especially since his two girls are clearly such polar opposites: “You are perfection personified / While, frankly, she's undignified.”
Would I Lie to You?/Eurythmics - This is just the first of a handful of songs that beg the question, “Would I lie to you?” In this particular case, I believe that Annie is throwing the phrase back in the face of her lover-turned-cheater with a defiant, unsaid Fuck You: “Tell you straight - no intervention / To your face - no deception / You're the biggest fake / That much is true / Had all I can take / Now I'm leaving you.” You tell him, sister.
Cheating on You/Franz Ferdinand - On the flip side, Franz Ferdinand is just coming right out and admitting his infidelity. Hell, they’re practically celebrating it. “Goodbye girl, you know you want me / Goodbye girl, yes I'm a loser… I'm cheating on you, yeah.” And I have to ask—ladies, when will we learn?? I mean, the fact that his girlfriend is staying with him despite the cheating is stupid rocker boyfriend BULLSHIT that unfortunately happens all the time, and when will we girls learn that these boys in bands, while hot, are BAD NEWS??? The Franz Ferdinand answer: never.
You Don’t Know Me/Ray Charles - Thanks to the movie and its recent Oscar success, Ray Charles has gotten seriously over-exposed. You might not want to hear “Hit the Road Jack” again for a very long time. But to leave him alone altogether would be to miss out on this lovely gem about rock ‘n’ roll’s greatest theme, ever: unrequited love. It’s sweet, yearning, heartbreaking, and yet admittedly deceiving, as he clearly hasn’t told his beloved about his feelings. And so, she goes along blindly treating him like just friend, and breaking his heart. “You think you know me well / But you don't know me.”
Was it a Lie?/Sleater Kinney - Here’s a whole different kind of duplicity—the lying liars in the media, and the lying web of lies they spin. The full lyrics to this song tell just the saddest most horrifying story you’ve ever heard: a woman is killed on the train tracks and, without firm evidence, the media asserts suicide and turns it into their Hot Story. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t, but either way, is it right to use a woman’s personal tragedy for entertainment? Sleater Kinney wants to know: “was it a lie? / did it fill your head / did it entertain? / Will you feel alive at the end of it?”
Outlaw/Olive - This was a suggestion from my friend Brian and an extremely appropriate one at that. He reads it as a woman who finds out her boyfriend is gay/bi and cheating on her. I think he’s right. The lyrics? Are perfect: “Two faces / Playing with my trust in you / You cover all your traces / And watch me relax with you.” Exactly the essence of Duplicity.
Who Is He (And what is he to you)?/Bill Withers - This was a suggestion from my sister Amy. Because just because you’re lying and cheating, it doesn’t mean your significant other hasn’t figured out your bullshit, you cheating liar, you. I love this lyric: “When I add the sum of you and me / I get confused when I keep coming up with 3.”
Liar/Rollins Band - Okay. So I worked on this mix for awhile and, as you can see, enlisted the help of several people. Throughout it all, I kept bugging mAc about trying to find just one more perfect song. Just one more song that is the most evil, two-faced, deceitful, duplicitous song ever. And throughout it all, he was just as hard-pressed as I was to think of That Song I was trying to think of. Until, that is, the day I finished the mix. I was reading the final track list to him when he suddenly blurted out, “Liar! Henry Rollins!” (And then he started yelling/singing, much like Henry, “Cause I’m a LIAR!!!!” and it was really cute.) One listen and I felt, finally, like I’d found just the song I was looking for. Many of the other songs on this mix like to tease you with their deception; Henry gets right in your face, screams at you that he’s lying to you, and then calls you an idiot for not noticing. If you’ve ever wondered whether or not Henry Rollins is bitter about watching the girls he likes date scum bag liars and not him? Wonder no more. Homeslice is riding the Bitter Train, enjoying a plate of Bitter Pie a la Bitter, with a big full glass of Fuck You for Not Liking Me You Stupid Bitch! Think I’m exaggerating? “I'll hide behind a smile and understanding eyes and I'll tell you things that you already know so you can say: I really identify with you, so much / and all the time that you're needing me is just the time that I'm bleeding you, don't you get it yet? / I'll come to you like an affliction / then I'll leave you like an addiction.” And then, the finale: “I can't believe I ever hurt you, I swear I will never lie to you again / please, just give me more chance, I'll never lie to you again. . . Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Sucker!” So Henry, um, are you going to call me or what?
Deceptacon/Le Tigre - In the true spirit of this mix, I feel I can’t lie to you about this song: it’s not actually about lying, deception, or duplicity in any way that I can tell. It is, however, rockin’ and boppy and fun, and the perfect reprieve after the Rollins Assault. Besides, the title of the song is Deceptacon, and that counts for something in my mix.
Girls! Girls! Girls!/Liz Phair - “I take full advantage / Of every man I meet / I get away almost every day / With what the girls call . . . murder.” Even though, like Henry, Liz is very up front about her evil ways, it somehow comes across far, far sexier. If you can figure out what time this song is in (as in ¾, 4/4, etc.) would you let me know? Thanks.
His N Hers/I Am the World Trade Center - Just so that no aspect of cheating is left unexplored, I had to include the song from the perspective of The Other Woman. “Well you caught me in the middle and I wanted to stop but I was tongue-tied/ His N hers will see & he and she will know that I was the one who lied.”
Lies/EMF - This choice was many things, not the least of which was an attempt to prove there are other songs on Shubert Dip besides “Unbelievable.” It was also an homage of sorts to the bratty Lana Lang on Smallville (“Duplicity” was the title of one of its episodes). It sounds like exactly the kind of accusatory thing she would say: “You said too much / And what you said it was a lie.”
Rub Til It Bleeds/PJ Harvey - Mikey gets the credit for this choice. In general, I think, if your woman says to you, “God’s truth, I’m not lying,” and then starts to chuckle wickedly, chances are she does not have your best interests at heart. In fact, I’d bet good money that her promise to “Rub it ‘til it bleeds” is not, as you originally suspected, a euphemism. Run. Run fast.
Your Cheatin’ Heart/Patsy Cline - Again, it’s the semi-sweet recovery from the previous intense track. In this delightful little tune, Patsy takes a tack at which many moms particularly excel when addressing the one who done her wrong: Guilt. “Your cheatin' heart Will make you weep / You'll cry and cry / And try to sleep / But sleep won't come / The whole night through / Your cheatin' heart / Will tell on you.” The beauty is, she’s not even giving him more reasons to feel guilty, she’s just content to let him fall on is own sword. Well played, Ms. Cline. Well played indeed.
Your Little Secret/Melissa Etheridge - Question: Is it possible to listen to a lesbian sing about secrets and not assume she’s talking about a lover who’s not only still in the closet, but who is also living a straight existence with a man? Answer: No. It’s not possible. See for yourself: “I like the way you look / I know you like me / But one and one and one / Baby, makes three / Stop playing those eyes / If you want me to keep / Your little secret.”
Cherry Lips (Go Baby, Go!)/Garbage - Ah yes, the cutest little ode to a transvestite that you ever did hear. The chimes in the big finish just slay me. Plus, this is one of the few positive tracks on this mix, as in: honey, being the cutest queen ever is hard, but we’ve got your back. Go get ‘em girl. “With your cherry lips and golden curls / You could make grown men gasp when you go walking past / And in your hot pants and high heels / They could not believe that such a body was for real / Because you looked just like a girl.”
Surprise/Luscious Jackson - Like “Deceptacon,” this song was included more for pure rockin’ value and it’s apropos title, especially coming after “Cherry Lips.” Too Crying Game for you? How about this: this song? Is sung from the perspective of semen, and despite what you may believe after hearing these songs, I am not lying. Gross, but true.
Terrible Lie/NIN - Because suicide and trannies and jizz aren’t controversial enough, I thought I’d include a song accusing God of being a big, fat liar. “Hey God, I think you owe me a great big apology.” That Trent, he’s so wounded.
We Might As Well Be Strangers/Keane - At long last, we’re winding down. Duplicity really doesn’t bring out the best in people, does it? Are you amazed at how such an ugly concept with such hateful, bitter lyrics can yield such amazing music? I am. But I also wanted to address the fallout, not just for the liar (thanks again, Patsy), but for the lied-to. As for the victims of duplicity, the ramifications are varied—there’s confusion, pain, anger, extreme bitterness (Henry), and finally, resignation. Maybe this song was just about a couple growing apart. But I can’t think of a more common reason for a couple divided than sheer duplicity. “I don't know your face no more / It's just a place I'm looking for / We might as well be strangers in another town.”
Trust in Me/Etta James - Now that you’ve heard all of these other songs, let me ask you this: when Etta James soothingly and passionately beseeches you to trust her, do you believe her? Would you have believed her before this mix started, but maybe not now? Ever notice how it’s generally the deceitful that have to ask to be trusted? I’m just saying.
Friday, April 01, 2005
It's Smile Time!
Mac says: Guess what came in the mail today????
Dinah says: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dinah says: Is he AWESOME?
Dinah says: I can't wait!!!
Mac says: Heh, heh, heh. Toootally.
Dinah says: How does he look? Just like on TV? Is he mean and cuddly?
Dinah says: I want it nooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww!
Mac says: Mean and cuddly! I only glanced at it when I opened the box. You get the first revelling.
Dinah says: Eee! I'm so excited. I'm going to be distracted all day.
Dinah says: "I DO NOT HAVE PUPPET CANCER"
Mac says: "My nose comes off"
Dinah says: (She said, bouncing around in her chair like a child)
Dinah says: hee. I can't wait.
Dinah says: I'm going to hug him and squeeze him and find him a sword so he can vanquish his puppet enemies.
Dinah says: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dinah says: Is he AWESOME?
Dinah says: I can't wait!!!
Mac says: Heh, heh, heh. Toootally.
Dinah says: How does he look? Just like on TV? Is he mean and cuddly?
Dinah says: I want it nooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww!
Mac says: Mean and cuddly! I only glanced at it when I opened the box. You get the first revelling.
Dinah says: Eee! I'm so excited. I'm going to be distracted all day.
Dinah says: "I DO NOT HAVE PUPPET CANCER"
Mac says: "My nose comes off"
Dinah says: (She said, bouncing around in her chair like a child)
Dinah says: hee. I can't wait.
Dinah says: I'm going to hug him and squeeze him and find him a sword so he can vanquish his puppet enemies.
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