Moms are TOTALLY embarrassing!

Look. All of the bitching about Moms on Facebook has got to stop. I just watched a video of a dude who outlined an entire PowerPoint presentation for dealing with Moms on Facebook that ended with this nugget:

According to him (and you can watch the video here), more people are searching for ways to deal with their Moms on Facebook than are searching for ways to Find God.

So here's my solution for how to deal with Moms on Facebook:
GET OVER IT.

But! What about my PRIVACY?!?!?
In case you weren't aware, Facebook is on the Internet, dummy. It's public. You HAVE NO PRIVACY on the Internet.

Once you start putting your life online, your mom is not the only one who can see what you're up to and judge you for it. There are, in fact, entire sites dedicated to calling out dumb-ass behavior on Facebook. Just one example of someone looking you up online: future employers. It is a FACT that companies can and will choose whether or not to hire you based on what they find about you online.

Also, here's a revelation--you don't actually WANT privacy. If you wanted privacy, you would un-tag or delete those embarrassing pictures, you wouldn't air out your relationship problems in your damn status update, and you wouldn't tell the world about every minute detail of your life.

What you want is ATTENTION. It's not entirely your fault--our society rewards the famous more than anyone else, even those who gain notoriety for being complete and utter dumb shits. You want that too, and that's okay. But all those famous people also have parents, and have had no choice but to accept a more open relationship with them. Loss of privacy is a trade off and consequence of increased fame and attention. You want one, you get the other, period.

But! I can't be MYSELF!
Sure you can. This is only really a problem if
A) Being yourself involves being a complete and total douche bag
B) You lie to your parents on a regular basis and have a crappy relationship
or C) Your parents have had every other thought and experience in their lives surgically removed from their brains except for all of their lovely memories of YOU.

Let's start with C)
When I learned that my mom had discovered my blog, I had a small moment of panic and gasped, "But I swear on my blog!" And then I rolled my eyes at myself and GOT OVER IT because guess what? Mom has read, heard, and even uttered curse words before. I know, SHOCKING, right?

One of my favorite examples of living life publicly for all to see, including Mom, is Dooce. Here is a woman who talks about everything from hemorrhoids to duck farts in her blog and in person, and if you read her awesome and highly detailed story of the birth of her second daughter, you will note that she was in so much pain she was screaming profanities right in front of her very own darling mother. And her mom remained unphased.

You know why? Our parents have heard it all before. They had whole entire LIVES before we even showed up. Your parents did all kinds of stuff before you were born, and here's a real shocker: some of them still do! The idea that your mom has nothing better to do than wash your clothes and stalk you on the Internet is stupid.

As for B) Quit lying to your parents. If you are making adult decisions and enjoying the fun and freedom of adult behavior, then it is time to have an adult relationship with your parents. With or without Facebook, they probably know or at least assume you're making some dumb choices anyway, and they probably still like you just fine.

One of my favorite stories of a mother-son relationship is this one: A guy I know went to college and fully rebelled against many of the rules of his loving, yet conservative, upbringing. When his mom came to visit him at school, he took her to lunch, sat her down and said, "Mom. I have to tell you something. I drink. I smoke. I have tattoos. And I'm no longer going to church."

First of all, she was relieved because she thought he was going to tell her he'd gotten someone pregnant, which I just think is funny. Then she responded, "I do wish you'd go to church. But you REALLY shouldn't smoke." Which, hi, she's totally right--smoking is really bad for you.

The point is, she didn't lose her mind over what turned out to be a fairly small revelation about her son. In fact, there is a lot of value to being honest with your parents, especially as an adult. I recognize and respect that not everyone has loving parents who want the best for them, and those situations should be handled differently. But if your parents DO love you and want the best for you, and you're lying to them anyway? Knock it off.

Finally, A) Easy solution: Quit acting like a total douche bag.

If you're all weirded out or even ashamed by the idea of your mom finding out about your behavior, then I'd like to take a moment to congratulate your mom for raising you right. That means that that nagging voice in the back of your head telling you not to do that stupid thing? That's your MOM. That voice is trying to save you from yourself. Maybe instead of worrying about what she'll think of you when she finds out, you should LISTEN TO HER.

But! My mom is EMBARRASSING ME!

First of all, if you're a teenager: I know right?? Moms are TOTALLY embarrassing! It's like it's their JOB or something. GOD.

Now, if you are NOT a teenager: Oh, honey. You have a mom who wants to be involved in your life, who cares about how you're doing, and has fond memories of your childhood with pictures to back it up? That's... awesome. No, really. Have you seen Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire? Or met anyone outside of your own little world who didn't grow up exactly like you did? Because not all moms and dads care that much, dude. Some of them suck, mightily. Some people don't even HAVE moms, how sad is that? If you have a mom, and she's still around, and she doesn't suck, maybe you should take a minute to be grateful. (Yes, I realize I just sounded JUST LIKE HER just then. No, I am not your mom writing this in disguise. Or a mom at all, in fact. I'm just someone who is lucky and knows it.)

Also, check this out--all your friends? That you're worried about impressing with your cool, unsupervised life? They also have moms (again, if they're lucky). They know what it is to be embarrassed. What a fun thing to share, have in common, and laugh about. I mean, you do have a sense of humor, right?

But! But!
You have officially run out of buts. (Heh. "Butts.") Your mom being on Facebook does not actually mean that your life is over. There is officially nothing left to do, but get over it. Either live your life publicly on the Internet exactly the way you want, with no limits, and accept that your parents can see it and might not approve. Or accept that what you put online is entirely public and maybe should have some limits.

Live your life on the Internet as though your mom can see it, and make choices about what you share with the whole damn world accordingly. Isn't that what we should all be doing anyway?

How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?

I'm just going to rip this Band-Aid off first: I will not be blogging the fall season of So You Think You Can Dance. (Or, as Brigid accidentally, brilliantly re-named it, "Do You Think You SHOULD Dance.")

It's too much. It's 3 hours a week just to watch it, and the writing and the thought I like to put into it. I have too much to do, and if I'm being honest, too much other fall TV to enjoy.

Also, as far as I'm concerned, it's just too soon, and Too Much of a Good Thing. Which inspired the following list, entitled, "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"

1. So You Think You Can Dance
My summer treat, my guilty pleasure! You started as the bastard step-sibling to the American Idol monster, and became the little show that could, impressing more and more people every season by showcasing contestants with actual talent and darling personalities. Your judges were unique and crazy, yet (mostly) surprisingly insightful and accurate, and four years running the results were totally satisfying.

And then you watered down your Top 20 cast for season 5 so you could build a story and a Top 20 cast for Season 6. The contestants were darling at first but we tired of them quickly, and no one was So Outstanding or So Committed that we felt like we couldn't miss a show, and desperately needed to vote. The Emmy nominations rolled in for dances that included Twitch standing by a door, and you celebrated your 100th episode, and suddenly it just felt like you were not just taking the dance seriously--something I have ALWAYS appreciated--but you were taking yourselves too seriously. Which is less fun. And just when I was thinking, "Yeah, but I bet I'm over it and ready for more dancing by next summer," you're already back with a whole new season? I don't know, honey.

2. Spike
Remember when Spike first showed up on Buffy, and her mom threatened him with an axe, and he was all new and scary and funny and interesting? And then when he showed up you were like Eeeee! Spike's back! Fun! And then they kept bringing him back? And then he was in Sunnydale all the time? And no one really knew why? And then there was that ill-advised romance with Buffy? And then suddenly there were TWO be-souled vampires and we were all like, What??? And then he was Crazy in the Basement for, like, ever? And then he moved over to Angel, and while Marsters & Boreanaz had awesome chemistry it was still like, "Great, just what this show needed: MORE DUDES."

Spike is the perfect example of how shit goes wrong when you give The People what they think they want. Spike was awesome as a recurring character. As a series regular, it was Too Much Spike. There weren't enough stories for him, so the stuff they ended up giving him was weird and shark-jumpy and just rang false. As someone who loved the character, I was pretty bummed when I realized I'd gotten totally sick of him.

3. EVOO
Sometimes, you don't need Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Sometimes, you just need to cook with regular vegetable oil. Or canola. Or Pam. I'm looking at you Food Network. Seriously.


4. Cupcakes/Bakeries
I realize that I am spoiled with this in LA, but sweet fancy frosted Christ the cupcake bakeries have gotten OUT OF CONTROL. These used to be a rare and exciting TREAT. Now it's like, oh, cupcakes. There they are again. There's another bakery. Yawn.

And the thing is, if you taste the cupcakes they're still delicious. They're still a fairly exciting treat. The problem is that people have gotten so used to them being around, that they're no longer impressed when you bake them.

Or I bake them. So really, I'm just complaining that people don't appreciate my cupcakes enough.... yeah. Moving on.

5. Michelle Forbes
When Michelle Forbes showed up on Battlestar Galactica as the scary commander we were all like, "DUUUUUUDE YESSSSSS." And for awhile, it was awesome. Then it got tiresome.

Same thing on True Blood. She shows up and we were all, "Awesome! Scary villain time!" And she was a scary villain. She was slinky and mysterious and weird and creepy and it was great for a good long while. And then it got tiresome again.

I think the problem with Michelle is not her. She brings an intensity to her roles that is gripping. It's just that her level of intensity is hard to take, week after week, with no break. Maybe there's a problem with the stories she's in as well. But the upshot is that Michelle Forbes is like black pepper. It'll season up your food/show, but a little sure goes a long way.

I'm sure there are other things for this list, but that's all I got for now. What would be on your list?

In conclusion:

Only in fiction

Dear Film and Television Writers everywhere,
Excuse me while a pick a nit, but this has been bothering me for years--nay, decades!--and I need to get it off my chest.

There is a phrase that I hear ALL THE TIME in movies and on my shows, that I have NEVER ONCE heard someone utter in real life. I don't know why it keeps showing up on screen, except that I think writers are watching a lot of film and TV, and their ideas about What People Actually Say are being fed by fiction in some kind of vicious, weird meta-cycle.

What is this phrase I loathe so much? The phrase that makes me wince at the uncreative weakness of the writer that wrote it and generic blandness of the actor that uttered it?

"I'd like that."

Not as in, I'm at a bakery and I see a fresh batch of jumbo chocolate chip cookies come out from the oven and placed in the case and the mere sight of them makes me drool all over the glass and lose my ability to speak politely so that when it's my turn to order all I can do is point to the cookie and say, "I'd like THAT."

No, no. It's more like, the couple has cute-met at the bakery and she spilled her coffee on him and after splitting a cookie and arguing sweetly over the merits of Scrabble, or something, he gets up the nerve to ask her on a date, and she responds, "I'd like that."

Only in fiction to people ever respond to an invitation with, "I'd like that." In real life, people say, "Sure" or "That sounds fun" or even, "I'd love that!" (Even though, "I'd love to!" is far more likely.) I've never once heard anyone I know utter the response, "I'd like that."

The first time this got under my skin was in the movie Heathers. (Oh, Heathers. You beautiful masterpiece of noir teenage comic camp. I love you so much.) The dialog in this movie was so creative and fresh that it created its own lexicon of words and phrases that are still in heavy rotation today. And then, Veronica blows up the school and her boyfriend, steals the almighty red scrunchie, plants a sooty kiss on Heather Duke's bewildered mug, invites Martha Dumptruck to hang out, and what does Martha say?

"I'd like that."

Even at 14, when I first saw this movie, I was like, ...Really? Not that Martha wouldn't want to hang out with a sooty Veronica, but who says that?? (You'll note that I easily believed that teenagers in high school said all the other crazy stuff that was in the movie's dialog; this was the only bit that rang false. You'll also note that people today will still throw out lines about Diet Coke-heads, or eating a brain tumor for breakfast, but no one, I swear, ever says the other thing.)

Now, nearly 20 years later, it has become (or still is, I don't know how far back this goes) this over-used crutch meant to indicate that the person saying it is, or has recently become, warm and receptive to the person with the invitation. Or something, I honestly don't know why it's used so over-much. All I know is, I would enjoy all the myriad movies and shows I watch a hell of a lot more if you would knock it off with the weak "I'd like that" response, and start writing the way people actually talk.

I would love that, in fact. I really would.
xoxo
D

vote FOR equality

Two things in today's blog. 1) I met Amy Sedaris and 2) I am deeply concerned about a growing movement of hate, ignorance and intolerance in my state of California.

I will address the second first, and then finish off with the cute story.

Many of my dearest, most beloved friends got married this year.

Kristin & Mark


Amanda & Eyad


Anna & Ted


Ryan & Chris


I found out today that support FOR Proposition 8--a measure that would amend the California constitution to ban marriage for same sex couples--has actually grown. It's actually ahead in the polls.

I can't even believe it. I thought it would get a sound smackdown, and I'd just find myself feeling sorry for that percent of my state that is so filled with hate and fear in their hearts that they would misguidedly vote for such a measure.

The thing is, they've launched this huge advertising and grassroots campaign that claims all kinds of nonsense. They actually believe that if we allow couples like Chris and Ryan to get married, it poses some kind of threat to their values and their way of life. They've even suggested that it will somehow affect kids in school, or something? It's ridiculous.

The Huffington Post/RADAR posted a sample of this kind of outreach, along with a point-by-point response to all their ridiculous claims, so I don't really need to get into that here. The California Superintendent of Schools also did a great job of rebuffing the latest attack.

The biggest concern now, 11 days away from from the election, is making sure they have enough funds to reach the voters of California and make sure they understand that voting AGAINST Prop 8 is a vote FOR equality.

For Kristin & Mark, Amanda & Eyad, and Anna & Ted, I got them a wedding present off their registry. Ryan and Chris told us specifically, "We have too much stuff--no presents!" So instead, I'd like to do this for them: all of you who would like to protect civil rights and the right for everyone to marry in California, please donate whatever you can to No on Prop 8. You might not get a thank you card, but you will get a nice warm fuzzy knowing that you've contributed to California couples in love, who deserve the same civil rights as anyone else.

Now for the cute story: I went to a book signing for Amy Sedaris last night where she did a Q & A with the audience (always awkward, I hate them), a woman actually asked her to cut her hair (Amy: "Um. When was the last time you washed it?") and she did, and then signed copies of her fantastic book, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence. My friend Dre was kind enough to snap a picture of us together, so I walked behind the table, stood next to her, and here's what happened next:
Dre: Wait a minute, I have to take another one, your eyes were closed.
Amy: Mine?
Dre: No, Dinah's.
Amy: Bitch.

ONLY Amy Sedaris gets to call me a bitch and make me love her even more.

vacuous sleazebag

My news crush Keith Olbermann did it again. I love that he has the stage, has the facts, and isn't afraid to use them. I love that he can't hold back from showing us how incredulous and angry he is.


The saddest thing of all with all these Sarah Palin shenanigans is that, for some, they're kind of working. You could hear her pandering in the debate, you could hear her sidestepping questions and flinging out buzzwords. You can actually see her saying and doing the things that appeal to Americans that are scared and stupid and racist and narrow-minded, and her Gosh-darnit, heckuva Joe Six-pack, g-droppin' shtick is actually enough to hide her sleazy tactics from some of these people.

This campaign to me feels like high school all over again. On the one hand, you have the smart kid who would really love to make some changes in the school, who gets up at the school assembly and talks about how to make things better. On the other hand, you have the jackass who's running because he sees the whole thing as a popularity contest, and thinks that just being cute/funny/athletic (and calling the other guy a NERD) is enough to win... and when he sees he isn't winning, starts floating rumors that the other guy still wets the bed. It really is this ridiculous, people, and it shocks and saddens me that more people don't see through it.

In fact, I don't know who I feel more sorry for: The Republicans who are committed to voting with their party, and feel like they have to vote the McCain/Palin ticket even though they can see that the VP nominee is a vacuous sleazebag; Or the people who actually believe what she says, and think that she's doing a great job in this campaign. At least people in the first bucket are voting with a set of principles (regardless of how short-sighted and narrow minded I think they are).

The people in the last bucket are just as dumb as Palin is.

Good enough isn't good enough

Listen.

Parents, educators, friends who care about the world. We have a very important job to do, so listen up.

I'll get to it in just a second, but I'm going to start by saying: I can't take Sarah Palin anymore. And it isn't just because I disagree with her politics, and it isn't just because I find the whole, "Yeah but she's a WOMAN" thing completely insulting to intelligent women everywhere (You mean, you have girl parts? I have girl parts! You've got my vote!).

I can't even take the jokes, and believe me, they're everywhere. Check out Mac's blog, for starters.

It's because she's really, really stupid. And she's the Vice Presidential nominee. THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, PEOPLE. She has been chosen to run for the second-highest office in the free world, and she insists that living close to Russia gives her foreign policy experience.

I couldn't even watch the whole Katie Couric interview, you guys, I couldn't take it. If you missed it, find it on You Tube.

The bigger problem in all this, my friends, is that it puts on display, for the whole world to see, just how little we value intelligence and education in the United States. You could argue that W did this for eight years as well, I suppose. But what we're seeing with Palin is a whole lot of Americans who identify with her, and think it's GREAT that she shows us that "anyone can be President."

NO! No, anyone can NOT be President! This is not okay! We're talking about the highest office in our country, the highest honor in our land, one of the hardest jobs in the world! The person who holds that job should, at a bare minimum, be really, really smart! And that person's second-in-command should be able to keep up.

So you see, my problem isn't with Palin as a politician, so much as it's with the fact that she can't even discuss the economy intelligently with Katie Couric, and yet nearly 50% of the country still think she's smart enough to be a capable vice president.

I'm not arguing with those people. I'm sure there are some who'd love to comment back at me about how Obama's whatever, and that's not what this is about. We'll all vote in November and see what happens.

Here's what it is about: Parents, educators, friends who care about the world, this is a giant red flag. We have a job to do, and we need to act now. To quote Tami Taylor on Friday Night Lights, "It's my job to make sure you don't grow up stupid. It's bad for the world."

Today's kids are growing up with philosophies very different from what I experienced as a child. They're hearing, "everyone is a winner," whereas I always thought that the winners were whoever, you know, actually won. Today, kids get encouragement no matter how they perform; they're somehow entitled to gold stars just for trying. I got encouragement when I tried too, sure, but I got gold stars when I got it right. I grew up with the motto, "Good enough isn't good enough," and knew at a very young age that if I wanted to be successful, it would require a lot of hard work and learning and sacrifice. Today's kids can look at someone like Sarah Palin and think, "If she can do it, I can do it," and skate by in a world that rewards mediocrity.

Again, I say: this is not okay! We need to encourage our children to do better, work harder, be smarter. We need to reward Excellence, not whatever they churn out. Teachers, that means not coddling kids who aren't doing their work--give them bad grades, and teach them so they do better next time. Professors, that means actually teaching and encouraging critical thinking--you can't just read from the text during class and give take home/open-book tests (true story, I actually paid for that class). And, yeah, parents, that'll mean turning off the TV and taking away the cell phone and monitoring their Internet use and checking their work and doing all kinds of things that might piss them off or make them dislike us for a little while. TOO BAD. Suck it up. We're the adults, we have to do it. I know my (future) kids won't like me sometimes. That's okay. I can take it, because I know they'll thank me later. They'll thank you, too, trust me.

It is our job to make sure our children don't grow up stupid. It's bad for the world.

Being sick sucks mightily

I am SO TIRED of being sick, of not being able to think totally straight, of being tired all the time, I can't even tell you. I have SO MUCH TO DO this week. I do not have time for this. And it's just a stupid COLD, so I can only treat the symptoms, but the medicine makes me high & fuzzy, which isn't helping the whole "thinking straight" thing. It's all extremely frustrating, to desperately need to be able to focus and work, but to be constantly thinking through a vague, stuffy fog.

Plus I haven't had time to even watch So You Think You Can Dance.

Plus I haven't had time to blog my Comic Con experience, except to tell you that it literally made me sick and I hate it.

Plus I have all these personal projects to do this week for my mini college reunion this weekend (WHEN???).

Plus I desperately need to get back to the gym and jump-start my exercise schedule again.

But all I want to do is sleep and take Advil and watch movies.

Yes, I am whining. I don't do sick very well at all. Being sick sucks mightily. If y'all could send some healthy vibes my way, I'd surely appreciate them.

disappointed

I have so much to catch up on in here, but I just want to go through this first.

Last week I wasn't able to watch the results for SYTYCD because I was at Comic-Con in San Diego. So I borrowed Mac's iPhone to check them online, figuring they'd be the predictable Comfort & Mark anyway.

But, as you know by now, it wasn't. Comfort, yes, but then Will was voted off.

As a fan of Will's, I'm hugely disappointed. I was also kind of angry at SYTYCD fans for not voting for him (myself included, although I almost never watch the show in real time, so I never get the chance to vote in the allotted window). I mean, how on EARTH could one of the best dancers this show has EVER SEEN not even make it to the Top 6? With guys like Mark & Twitch still in it???

Here are some theories:

• Voters assumed he'd make it through, and voted for an underdog instead. This happens with these shows all the time, and you can never take for granted that your favorite dancer will make it through--you have to vote.
• Debbie Allen backlash--even though they made it super-clear that she wouldn't be involved with the show because he'd studied with her, some viewers may have thought that their relationship still resulted in some unfair favoritism.
• Judge backlash--No one likes to have a contestant shoved down his/her throat, and the judges have certainly fallen over themselves to heap praise on Will. I think the fact that even when they switch out a judge every week, they still have 3 dance experts unanimously agreeing that he's the best dancer on the show should tell people that maybe they're right? But still. It could have just been overmuch.
• Young voters aren't familiar with James Brown enough to love the solo? I thought it was fantastic, but with James Brown, there could have been a generation gap. He might have been better off doing more of his Alvin Ailey thing.
• Too professional--I've heard feedback that people like to vote for more amateur dancers that need a break, and not dancers that seem to have a professional dance career already in the works. I've looked him up, and it doesn't seem like he does, actually? But he gives that impression, and maybe that worked against him.
• Not enough personality. Now, I disagree with this, because I think Will has a charming, albeit low-key, personality. And it would bum me out hard if this was the ONLY reason, because then it just means the show will pander to voters who want More! Personality! and that's how we get contestants like Susie Ho-bag. But, you know, he wasn't ever really anything more than charming and sweet and professional, and I can see how that's not everyone's favorite.

So, that's a lot of potential reasons to work against a guy. It really makes me wonder what kind of backlash Twitch would get if the show made it more obvious that, of all of them, he's the only one who's ever actually WORKED with one of the judges. Oh, yeah, you didn't know that? Our guy Twitch, aka Stephen Boss, worked with Adam Shankman on Hairspray, where he was one of the dancers from Maybell's store. I didn't even realize it until I was watching a snip of it on HBO the other day, and recognized him. And I don't think it should count against him, but if being a "working dancer" counts against Will, I don't know why the same shouldn't be true of Twitch as well. Plus, hi, the dancing in Hairspray isn't exactly the locking that Twitch is known for--someone's had way more training than he let on.

Suffice to say I'm hugely disappointed. Will should have been Top 4, at least. Even if every single one of my theories is correct, it doesn't change the fact that Will was the best dancer on the show. And I know people vote for their "favorite" dancer, and all that. But Mark? Over Will? To me it's like voting for an In-N-Out burger over a perfectly cooked filet mignon. I like a good burger; I love a perfect filet. Then again, that might be the best explanation of all--we just live in more of a fast-food America than one that appreciates a really good steak.

We'll see what happens tonight, of course. I may even have to be sure to get home from my dinner w/ my work peeps early to be sure and vote. God forbid fans of this show vote off Katee & Joshua next, or I may stop watching altogether.

pissing me off

HOLY. CRAP.



People say the most ignorant shit when they think they're preaching to their own tiny choir and no one else is listening.

Also pissing me off:
1. Watching O'Reilly Factor @ my gym yesterday while on elliptical (why the Y insists on Fox News is beyond me--don't they know how dreamy Anderson Cooper & Keith Olbermann are??)
2. Which featured a bit on Rush Limbaugh
3. Who laughed off a potential Clinton+Obama ticket thusly:
"Let's say it is Obama and Hillary…Let's put Hillary at the top — That's a position she's familiar with. Therefore, you've got a woman and a black for the first time ever on the Democrat ticket. Ahem. They don't have a prayer."

You know how when you're watching a movie or something set in past, and you hear the bigoted/sexist/racist shit people were saying to each other, and you think, "Wow, those old-fashioned, narrow-minded assholes sure had a lot to learn back then."

Hi, it's 2008, and clearly, they still have a lot to learn. WE still have a lot to learn.

I'd love an Obama+Clinton ticket, if only so we can elect them into office and deliver a crushing blow to ignorant assholes everywhere. And also, of course, for the joy of watching those two badasses rock the face off this country for the next eight years.

I've been cranky lately

I registered! I am officially committed to doing this triathlon sprint in Austin in June. I have so much work to do before then, OH MY GOD. Now, I am kind of scared. Holy crap.

In other non-triathlon/weight loss news, our Oscar party went swimmingly. I kind of wish it would inspire blogs like this one, but we did get some lovely thank-yous. I spent too much time on food this year, then got drunk too fast, so I didn't get to do as much socializing as I might have preferred. Such are the perils of hostessing. I'm going to start saving up now for caterers at next year's event.

Spring has sprung in Los Angeles, which means it's still cool & rainy sometimes, but mostly it's sunny and green and awesome. West Hollywood is starting to smell like jasmine & lilac, and I love it. We've started taking the dogs on these hikes up Runyon Canyon, and even though there's still a haze of pollution blanketing the city, it's still quite lovely.

In other news, that insufferable egomaniac Nader has announced he's running for President again. Really. Going to create some false dichotomies, some bullshit arguments that only you can win so you can try and look all forward-thinking and liberal without actually having to DO anything, Nader? Going to try and help jack up another election for the Democrats by trying to make some kind of "statement" again? GOD. I hate this guy, and have no respect for anyone who votes for him. Seriously. It's not like he actually wants to BE president of the United States, and he's certainly not qualified. (Foreign policy, what??) He just likes to be a pain in the ass, listen to himself talk, and get his ego stroked, and I'm over it. Well, I'm not, I hate him, but I'm just done blogging about it. For today.

If only because, I've been cranky lately. If you wanted to push my buttons & piss me off, now would be a really easy time to do it. Stuff that works really well: don't follow direction, don't stick to the schedule, don't trust me, don't listen to me, be bossy, make shit complicated that doesn't need to be complicated, and/or transform yourself into technology of some sort then stop working for no reason. So, basically, unless you're Captain Awesome or Miss Moneypenny, beware. (Mac is also in the clear, as he's been super-awesome-understanding-patient husband during this time, and I don't know how he does it but I'm sure glad I married him.) Mercury is in retrograde, I have taxes due and no idea how to do them, I've got a million reports to do, look over & fix, and I gained a rather stupid amount of weight over the Oscar weekend and it has totally bummed me out. So, cranky. And if you're reading this wondering.... Is she talking about me? Oh, probably not. Well, maybe, actually. But, you know, it's a foul mood. I'm sure I'll get over it soon.

Maybe I'll go to the garden store this weekend & get some jasmine for my yard.

Bah!

This week has completely kicked my butt and I'm ready for it to be over. It's only 12:45 p.m. and already I'm like, la la la... I'm ready to read a book and shop online now please, thank you! What's that, it's time to curl up on the couch with some hot tea and watch one of our new hi-def movies, while stitching Xmas projects and enjoying the rain? Don't mind if I do!

And yet, I still have all this stuff I have to power through.

I have no other point to this particular entry, except to complain that I'm tired and my ability to focus is officially drained. I could add something more interesting, but I really should wrap this up and get back to work.

This entry was brought to you by the word Procrastination, the exclamation "Bah!" and the expression, *SIGH*.

I give up.

I don't know how many times I have to go through this.

First, there was a rant. Then there was another rant. Then I was like, this can't keep going on. I need to make peace with this. I mean, it's just a name. I've screwed up other people's names before. Usually they're unusual, or we're at a loud party or something, but still. It happens. It would probably be better for me if I didn't let it bother me so much. I decided life would be happier with more of a Zen approach.

But not today. Here's why.

I ordered this book from a re-seller on Amazon. It's called, "Someone's in the Kitchen with Dinah," by Dinah Shore. Isn't it darling?

It's also called, "Someone's in the Kitchen with DINAH," by DINAH Shore. Ordered by a woman who, coincidentally, is named DINAH.

AND YET.

Oh, COME. ON. There are two--TWO--accurate spellings of my name RIGHT ON THE COVER OF THE VERY BOOK YOU ARE MAILING.

SERIOUSLY?! SERIOUSLY?!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I give up.

We're all affected

So, yeah. Fires.

They're happening in multiple counties all over Southern California.

They're consuming wilderness, displacing wildlife, and taking homes of the rich and poor alike. They are brutal and scary. Most of the people in my immediate circle are affected in some way, even if only because they know someone who's affected in a scarier way, which is basically to say: We're all affected. We're all scared. We're all worried about those we know and love, and those we don't. Even those lucky enough not to have anyone personal to worry about, who are just watching the fires at a distance, are, like all of us, breathing pretty much the worst air quality imaginable. Los Angeles' famous smog has gone from merely gross to downright ominous.

What's killing me with this at the moment, though, is the reporting and commentary on the fires, by news stations, web sites, bloggers, you name it. I mean, uncontrollable wildfires are still scary, right? People losing their homes and all of their possessions is still tragic, right? Because it seems to me like there's a whole lot of opportunistic shenanigans afoot. Far too many people are seizing these fires as a chance to:

1. Criticize the rich & famous! Because, surely, if this is all the news is covering, they're the only ones affected. But you know, those celebs feel like they can build their fancy houses everywhere, they deserve to have their homes burn to the ground. Really, these wildfires are an appropriate measure of schadenfreude for all those people I can't quit reading about in US Weekly.

2. Kick Californians when they're down! Because we are SO STUPID to live in a place with earthquakes and fires. We should all flee California and move to a safer part of the country. Where we'd only have to worry about tornados. Or floods. Or hurricanes. Or blizzards. Or...

3. Advance our political agendas! Because clearly, these fires are punishment for those liberal, fornicating Hollywood Democrats. Except when they're no less than those rich Republicans in San Diego deserve.

4. Be superior! "Oh my GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE people are bitching about losing their Elvis Memorabilia when people in New Orleans lost their ENTIRE LIVELIHOODS because of Hurricane Katrina. I mean, I live in New York, so I'm not personally affected by either of these tragedies? But I am FULLY QUALIFIED to compare these two completely different natural disasters, boil down the affect of each based solely on what I see in the news, and judge people for feeling loss in completely different ways."

A quick Google and you'll find a myriad of examples of all of these things. It's disgusting.

The truth of the matter is simple: Fire doesn't discriminate against rich or poor, Californian or Texan, Democrat or Republican. Fire doesn't care if you're part of the famous elite, or part of the team that cleans their houses. Fire just consumes and destroys, and leaves pounds of ash in the air as it moves. It's frustrating that it even needs to be said, but seriously: the only appropriate reaction at this point is to pray, help out wherever we can, and wait until the fires have died and the air has cleared so we can all, literally, breathe easier.

six babies

I've decided that 2007 is officially The Year All My Friends Spawned. It's not entirely accurate--I have a handful of early bloomin' friends that created some amazing, gorgeous kids before this year. I'm sure more of them will have babies after this year. But seriously? Check it out:

1. Feb - Gretchen & Anton welcome Ria
2. May - Bridget & Jeff welcome Aiden
3. Also May - Wendy & Jer welcome Mason
4. July - Sarah & Jeff welcome Russell (they're family, but still)
5. August, I think - Sherri & Dom welcome...??? I don't know, I just today got an email with a baby photo attached and a note that said, "Sorry I've been out of touch, we've been busy."
6. And in November, Brandy & Ryan are due to welcome a girl.

That's six babies, y'all. SIX. And these parents, these friends of mine? Are all, like, really awesome, smart, good-looking people which in my completely biased and superficial opinion is also good news for the whole planet. I'm serious. I love seeing such amazing people repopulate the earth in a world where choosing to have children is more controversial and challenging and unfair than ever. I mean, you have potentially awesome parents thwarted from their hearts desire by their own biology. You have all these unwanted kids put up for adoption, but the cost of the process is extremely prohibitive, and that's AFTER you've invested in a house, a car, & whatever else is needed to create an agency-dictated, kid-friendly environment. And, at the same time, people struggling to parent have to read about idiots like Britney, or teenagers getting knocked up because they don't know no better (sex ed is bad, mmkay?).

And at the SAME TIME, our government wants to take away the whole choice element of this equation all together. Unplanned pregnancy? Too bad, you're having a baby, no choice for you! And not to be all "un-eloquant understatement" about it, but that choice is so freaking important, for so many reasons, the least of which is simply that we women live in a world where every goddamn person has an opinion about our bodies and what we should do with them. We need to lose weight, we need to be sexy (but not TOO sexy, what are you ASKING FOR IT?), we need to be fit, we need to have babies. Furthermore, if you're in your 20's or 30's and in a relationship or married, you REALLY need to have babies, like, NOW. GET ON IT, IT'S WHAT YOU'RE FOR.

GOD. I didn't mean to get into a rant. What was my point? Oh, yes.

This is the world, this is the climate we live in. So choosing to have children and become parents, and everything that goes along with that, is a hugely big deal. To see so many beautiful, awesome, intelligent, talented people making that choice just makes me happy and gives me hope. In conclusion: YAY.

Over it, Under it, Next to it: Installment 1

Over it: Friendster
Under it: iLike
Kind of over it, but using it anyway: Myspace

Over it: Pirates. Ninjas.
Under it: Monkeys. Zombies.
Standing next to it: Robots. Robot Chicken.
On notice: All movies made from 80's shows, toys, and cartoons.

Over it: Right? Amaaaaaazing. For reals. For realsies. For serious. -style. As in, "I'm dealing with my vague annoyances in language blog-style."
Under it: Dude. Seriously. Totally. For cute! Because really.
Standing next to it, feeling a little taller: Awesome.

Over it: Gay. Retard. Fatty. Loser.
Under it: Dump truck. Clock.
Undecided: Douche bag.

Over it: Being poor, pretending it's somehow noble and therefore acceptable. Being well-paid, pretending it makes a total lack of nobility okay.
Under it: Having a job with meaning, working with passion, AND receiving fair compensation.

Over it: Supposedly “cute” or “pretty” things combined with “shocking” phrases or swear words.
Under it: Successful combinations of things mean and cuddly, diabolical and cute, shocking and funny, or kickass and pretty.
Depends on the thing and my mood: Skulls.

Over it: Ellipses. Apostrophe's in the wrong place (that was intentional). Commas in, the wrong place (also intentional). Ironic use of text or IM spelling in non-text or IM forums, like it's somehow hip to mock, I don't know, words? People who can't spell?
Under it: Semicolons. Spelling bees. Giving books to kids as presents. Proof-reading things before they're turned in, specifically in professional or academic environments.

Over it: ALL CAPS for EMPHASIS, like, ALL THE TIME.
Under it: Italics.
Kind of "whatever" about it: Bold.

Over it: "I don't really watch TV/have a TV. I'm more of a reader." (And, therefore, smarter and superior to all you TV-watching drones.)
Under it: Heroes. Grey's Anatomy. Battlestar Galactica. The Office. 30 Rock. Veronica Mars. The Daily Show. The Colbert Report.
Still under it: Books. Some of us TV-watching drones enjoy both.

*SLAP*

Someone recently sent me a celebrity survey asking, "Who would you want to be best friends with" (John Waters), "Who would you want to call for advice" (Amy Sedaris), and, my personal favorite,

"Who do you want to slap some sense into?"

Oh, dear. Where to even BEGIN?

Here's the thing: I am TIRED of all these young celebrity shenanigans, okay? It just WEARS ME OUT.

There is no good reason to be ridiculously malnutritioned and anorexic when you can afford a team of people to help you look thin and healthy. (This includes psychological help.)

There is absolutely no good reason to have your poorly-written, misspelled blackberry musings pasted all over the internets when you have a personal assistant handy to at least proofread some of that shit for you.

There is no good reason to be flashing your lady bits all over whatever when you can have a La Perla thong stashed in every possible purse, pocket and limo seat cushion imaginable. (And seriously, girls: WHY ARE WE NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR WITH OUR MINISKIRTS IN THE FIRST PLACE? WHEN DID THE VA-JAY BECOME THE SEASON'S MUST-FLASH ACCESSORY?)

Speaking of this horrific new "vadge as accessory" trend, there is absolutely no good reason to be whipping off your pants in public when you just get too hot while partying in Vegas, when you can send any one of your minions to Versace to pick up something more comfortable for dancing. People who are not famous don't take their pants off, for fear of becoming the latest YouTube joke, so what has to happen in a famous person's head to tell her that taking her pants off in a crowded club, with photographers, is an alright idea?

There is seriously, absolutely no good reason to get busted high or drunk on whatever driving your car the wrong way down the 134 at 4 in the morning, when even the average non-millionaire shmoe knows how to call a cab when she gets wasted. And YOU, my dear, can call town cars and limos & shit. Or, again, your assistant.

What the hell is going on? I'd accuse these morons of eating brain tumors for breakfast, Heathers-style, if I thought they ever even ate breakfast.

One theory: none of these chicks have positive female role models in their lives, clearly. They have Paris effing Hilton, which is 6 different kinds of SAD right there.

What they need, is one big sister each. At least one person in their lives to say the things every girl needs to hear from time to time. Like, "Don't call that guy." Or, "Ignore that bitch, she sucks and only wants to make you look bad so she looks better." Or, "Let's eat something delicious and not worry about our asses." Or, "Let's get blow-outs before hitting the premier so our hair doesn't look all stringy." Or, "Give me that blackberry." Or, apparently, "Ooh, honey, put your drawers back on before getting out of the limo in front of photographers, m'kay?"

I know, it's old news. Even the comedians won't touch it because it's all just old, sad news. It's just, you know. Just when you thought the wave of shenanigans was over? It begins anew. Some of these girls are actually talented, too. They have people pulling for them. Rooting for them. And they're just crapping all over whatever good will they receive.

I'm over it, girls. *SLAP* Snap out of it!

BOYEEE, YOU KNOW! BRING IT! AW HELL YEAH!

Hi everyone. I haven't blogged properly in ages. I hope to make it all up to you today. It's long, so just pretend they're all separate entries and you're the one who's behind and needs to get all caught up. Not me. Heh.

April 14: Got my hair done.

April 15: Decided haircut was Pretty.
Also, went to Santa Barbara for Easter, hung out with mAc's family, did a truckload of shopping in preparation for annual marketing conference. Purchased first pair of Really Huge Sunglasses to ever look good on me (not pictured... yet).


April 18 - 21: National Sales & Marketing Conference.
For which I crafted three completely kick-ass mixes named for our conference theme (Fun, Focused, Fearless!), led a fun and fabulous session on making the most of your Powerpoint presentation, and delivered some of the worst karaoke of my entire life. I think at this point, it was Raining Men. Hallelujah.


April 22: Had some lovely ladies over for tea, tiny sandwiches and lemon cupcakes.
(Note to self: Do not schedule parties, no matter how small, directly following a work conference ever. Again.)


April 25: Rob Zombie at the Wiltern.
A great show to be sure, but I was a little disappointed that he didn't have any go-go dancers in fetish costume to dance along to songs like "Living Dead Girl." I had to do all the go-go dancing by myself. Not that I mind.

So there we were at the show, in your basic Rock Pose (arms crossed/in belt loops, one foot forward, rocking front to back, head bobbing), enjoying the thumping and screaming of Zombie while a screen filled with anime, horror, death and porn flashed behind him, and as I'm watching the bazillionth animated bouncing boob on the screen it occurs to me, "I wonder if there are any gay Zombie fans? I wonder if there are any here?" At which exact point, no joke, my gay friend Robert taps me on the shoulder and goes, "Dinah? Is that you?" What are the odds? He was there because his brother manages the opening band or something (and I want to follow that sentence with "of course" but I don't know if that's bitchy). But he quite enjoyed Zombie's set. I believe those were his exact words.

April 28 - 30, May 3: Vegas, baby, Vegas
Vegas was fun, for the most part. The first trip, anyway. Actually, the whole thing was awesome except for the entire day I spent at the LV airport trying (and failing) to fly home standby on an earlier flight. That day kind of sucked.

The rest of the trip was a blast, though, and a delightful reminder about why we keep in touch with our friends out of town. Because, aside from being super cool and fun (duh), old friends are the ones that you can meet up with and just start chatting about whatever. No catch-up, no "So.... what's new since we last saw you?" Just a simple "How are you" and we're off.

The exclusive Scrubs party we got to attend was pretty cool, too. Everyone I met was so nice and happy and groovy--Dave Foley shared his bottle of vodka with me. And for anyone who ever worried about how I might behave when I've tied on one too many, worry no more. Evidently, I just get hyper-professional. I walked right up to Bill Lawrence, creator and producer of Scrubs, and told him, "Bill, I've met lots of people from both the cast and crew at this party tonight, and every single one of them has told me, individually and independently, that they love their jobs and love coming into work. And Bill, YOU create that environment, and make Scrubs such a happy place to work, and that's a really cool thing. And I know you have a hard time taking compliments, but you should know that." After which he kind of sputtered a thank you (he really can't take a compliment), and I just turned around and sauntered off.

Going back to Vegas for work on the 3rd was less fun, unless you count all the ass I kicked in my Big Important Client Meeting. That was totally fun.

**By the way, you should go ahead and assume that in between the dates listed here, I'm at the office working my ass off, or at home recovering from either work or travel. Meetings and conferences don't prepare for themselves, you know.

May 5: Captain Awesome turns 1!


May 6: Cinco de Mayo Part Deux: Revenge of the Tiki Gods vs. Captain Awesome
Really good friends Janice and Kelly came to stay with us from Seattle this weekend, and on Saturday we unveiled the glory of the completed tiki bar in the backyard. And celebrated Captain Awesome's birthday with a yard full of (mostly well-behaved) puppies and (mostly well-behaved) friends. With margaritas. Lots and lots of margaritas.


May 8,9: Flew to Chantilly, VA and flew back.
The weirdest part was never adjusting to the time zone change. I couldn't get to sleep before 1 am EST because my body thought it was only 10 pm, Pacific. And when, the next day, I finished my presentation at around 10:30, I couldn't help but feel in my bones that it was simply not right to have woken up, eaten breakfast, gone into the office, and completed a one-hour presentation all before 7:30 in the morning. WEIRD.

May 12-14: Birthday celebrating and wine tasting in the Santa Rosa
On May 13, 2006, my best friend from high school and beyond, Kate, turned 30. We kid about her being "30 going on 13" but the truth is I'm jealous because she's still so young and pretty.

We went to Korbel, Roshambo and Armida wineries, ending the day with a couple bottles of chilled, delicious sauvignon blanc and a fairly civilized game of bocce ball. At which I KICKED ASS, BOYEEE, YOU KNOW! BRING IT! AW HELL YEAH!

*ahem*

May 15: mAc & Dinah, one year and counting.
As mAc said, "Year one went down like a shot of Hangar One. Smooth and buzzy."

May 17: Sucked.
First, I got a ticket. For not stopping completely at a stop sign. Which... yeah, I fucked up and got busted, and it's totally embarrassing, but damn. That stupid ticket broke an over 10-year streak of NO traffic tickets.

Second, I spent all day in a Really Big REALLY Important Client Meeting, for which I had prepared and prepared and rushed all these materials that I normally do in about 2 - 3 weeks, but had about 4 days to throw together. And y'all? My shit was TIGHT. I was ready to ROCK. So, naturally, I never got the time or opportunity to present during the entire five-hour-long meeting. Which was awesome because, you know, I LOVE wasting my time.

May 20 - 25: In Chicago
I spent the Most Relaxing Weekend Ever with my old college friends, Ryan and Carrie ("Bell"). We ate good food, hung out with the pets (including a big, sweet horse named Louie), went to the Morton Arboretum, ate more good food, and talked and talked and talked. I haven't seen Bell & Ryan in nine years, yet we caught up like no time had passed. You know, the way you do with old friends. It was beautiful and amazing.

The rest of the time was spent at a conference for work, which. Eh. It was fine. I got some decent pictures, though.


Finally,
May 27-29: Big ol' heaping gobs of NOTHING
So nice. So necessary.

May 30: Back at it.
Hopefully the next entry will come faster. Many thanks to all y'all who keep coming back and reading! *MWAH*

Dicky Speaks

Click the link in the title for an update on what happened to Dicky on Indie 103.1. And I know my mom reads my blog and, by extension, other family members, but I can't possibly hold back when I say,

THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT.

Read the whole statement, but essentially, Dicky Barrett was fired from Indie the day he discussed abortion and made extensive pro-choice comments on the air.

Do I even NEED to add commentary?

I'm so sad.

I just found out something both sad and troubling. Dicky Barrett has been fired from the Mighty Morning Show on LA's Indie 103.1.

For those of you who don't live in Los Angeles and are wondering, "Wait. Dicky Barrett from the Mighty Mighty Bosstones was hosting a radio morning show?" Yes. Yes, he was. And doing a really amazing job.

Listening to the Mighty Morning Show with Dicky and Liz and Stacey and Chuck was like listening to your cooler-than-you older siblings talk with their cooler-than-you friends about rock music you wanted access to, movies you'd never heard of, books you hoped to read someday, politics you never thought you'd understand, and parties you desperately wanted to go to. Only, brilliantly, they did all of this in a way that was intelligent, warm, funny and totally accessible.

I especially loved their interviews. Dicky treats his guests with respect while asking exactly the kinds of questions fans would want to know, as well as many we hadn't thought of. He sold me on many a movie I otherwise hadn't even heard of.

I loved it when Liz would try to do the news. I don't know why Dicky hated the news so much, but he would never let her just get straight through it. He'd mock the news and Liz herself without mercy, and Liz, bless her, would just power straight through. They perfectly captured the "we're siblings and we bug each other but really we totally love each other" vibe. It was awesome.

And, of course, I loved it when Dicky would tell stories. He'd regale his coworkers and, by extension, us listeners, with stories about his mom or his band or how he and Pavarotti once selected the same flavor of pie. It sounds so mundane, but his delivery is just so charming.

I could go on. I've been known to sit with my friends and just talk and talk about how much we love listening to the Mighty Morning Show. I once spent a good 45 minutes explaining to my husband why I think Dicky does better interviews than anyone else on the radio. I actually sent the show a love letter of sorts on Valentine's Day, because mAc and I once met Dicky and it was a cute story and I thought they'd get a kick out of it. And they did. They sent me a thank you.

So what went wrong? Well, I'm looking into it. So far, this is what I know, from hitsdailydouble.com.

Influential L.A. radio station Indie 103.1, the English-language alternative outlet owned by leading Hispanic broadcast company Entravision, has fired its morning show host, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones' Dicky Barrett, who has been off the air for the past three days. His spokesperson reports that his "unexplained disappearance comes just a few days after the station's powers-that-be called him into their office and told him to refrain from making any political or controversial comments on the air."

L.A. Indie 103.1 station GM Dawn Girocco on the firing of morning man Dicky Barrett: "We have been working with Dicky for the past five months trying to get the show to the next level.. We invested a lot into not only the show, but in promoting and coaching him. Unfortunately it takes a lot of work to build and grow a morning show as well as develop interesting, compelling content. This was not Dicky's priority, as he had other commitments with Jimmy Kimmel Live, which was, in his words, 'his bread and butter.' Everyone at Indie has a tremendous commitment to the station and to the audience. We need to have a morning show that is able to make Indie their #1 priority. We wish Dicky the best in the future and appreciate his contributions to the station."

Former Indie 103.1 morning show host Dicky Barrett gives his side of his firing by Entravision from the influential L.A. station: "Jimmy Kimmel is a great guy who supported the Mighty Morning Show, and loved it, even though he helped to build the Kevin and Bean Show on KROQ and is the Producer of the Adam Carolla Morning Radio Show. The man hired to 'coach' me in 'trying to get the show to the next level',' Dan Kieley, said: 'Dicky is a true talent and a radio star' and 'It's a great Morning Show'.' I was fired for being unwilling to be, in Dawn Girocco's words 'more mainstream.' It was a great morning show. It is unfair to let people think I walked away to put more work into loudly reading 20-30 words a night on Jimmy's TV show. I worked hard on the Mighty Morning Show. I along with Stacey, Chuck and Liz, built and grew it to what it was. You could count on it (for the most part) to provide you with interesting, compelling content and better music then any other show on the air in the morning."

I checked Indie's web site to see if they had anything on the Mighty Morning Show's page. It's...not even there anymore. Other sites have some additional bits & pieces, and LAVoice.org is also looking into it pretty thoroughly. One comment in particular said that Dicky was fired because he wanted to play the music he wanted, and was in a fight with Girocco, so she fired him. (Until an official spokesperson says it, however, I'm counting it as "unconfirmed" but will keep you posted.)

I'm so sad. And, in truth, I don't know what makes me sadder--the idea that he was fired after making "political and controversial comments" or the fact that he's just not going to be on the air in the morning anymore. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's the latter. The idea that he got fired for saying the wrong thing mostly just really pisses me off.

It's a discussion for another time, as this entry is already really long and I'm in mourning, but what, specifically, did he say? How "bad" was it? Why was he fired, and not fined? What happened to free speech? How does someone get fired for talking, when they were essentially hired to talk? And, seriously, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN OUR COUNTRY AND WHEN ARE WE GOING TO START PAYING ATTENTION AND FIGHTING BACK, PEOPLE?!?!?

Further, political rage aside, why is a radio station whose name is "Indie" trying to coach someone on how to be more mainstream? Counterintuitive much? Oh, no, wait. That's just your basic flat-out bullshit.

Dicky, I'm so sorry you're gone. If I could, I'd put you back on the air right now, and I hope that someone figures out a way to do just that. In the meantime, I want you and the rest of the crew to know that you were truly Great, and you will be missed.

This TOWN is WRECKING my CAR

I'm a little cranky this morning.

Yesterday, I had a meeting in West Hollywood at 9:30 a.m. I left the house around 8:45ish and set off to make the trek over the Hollywood Hills via Laurel Canyon. I've taken other routes to our WeHo office before. They all take the same amount of time and this one is the most direct.

Here's what sucks about the morning "rush" over Laurel: start, stop. Wait. Start, stop. Wait. Start, ooh! 5 miles per hour, sweet! No, hang on. Stop. Wait.

Imagine how much fun that is with a stick shift. I'll just go ahead and tell you. NOT F'IN VERY FUN.

Oh, and did I mention, this whole start/stop/never leave 1st gear NONSENSE is totally happening while being pointed uphill for 30 minutes? Good times.

So here I am just trying to make it over the hill. I have a rad mix of new music in my car, I've allowed enough time for this bullshit, so I'm already proactively managing the stress a drive like this would usually generate. I'm doing alright. Until, that is, my gas light goes on.

Uh oh. But wait, that's just because you're pointed uphill and all the gas is sloshing to the back, right? Right. But then it keeps going down. When it started kissing the bottom of the gauge, I started to panic, just a little. When my car started revving really high trying to start & go (only to STOP 2 seconds later, GAH! I hate driving in LA!!!), then I really started to worry. So I pulled over and called the person I was meeting with to tell her I might not make it.

Eventually, I made it over the hill. The downhill stretch was much better, although now I'm doing a balancing act between my clutch and my brake, instead of my clutch and the gas. I made it to the first gas station I saw, spent approximately $400 filling up the tank (Y'ALL, SERIOUSLY, THE GAS PRICES!), and made it to my meeting 30 minutes late. The woman I was meeting with was really cool and sympathetic. I bought her a coffee for putting up with my car drama.

After my meeting when I tried to drive my car again, it wouldn't accelerate and would only rev really high. It would go, so I was able to get to the office and then to a mechanic. I was fairly certain that my little trek over Laurel had trashed my transmission.

Since living in LA, I've had my tires replaced, my brake pads replaced and now, I am having my clutch replaced. This town is wrecking my car.

The potholes are out of control, and it hasn't even really started raining yet. If one pothole blows out your tire (yes, there are several in the city that bad), then the city has to pay for the repairs/replacement, but what about when the repeated little bumps in all the rest of the potholes just accelerate the general wear & tear on your tires? Yeah. The city didn't pay for my new tires.

The stop & go traffic isn't so hard on the brakes, but what is hard on them is the collection of idiots in this town that like to make really sudden, dangerous moves that cause you to SLAM on the brakes every, oh, say once a month? Right after I got my brake pads replace, some dude pulled out in front of me suddenly despite the fact that I was cruising at around 35? 40? on a fairly major street. SLAM. My new brakes helped prevent an accident... but they're squeaking again.

The stop & go traffic has, however, apparently wreaked havoc on my clutch. No matter how carefully you try and dance from the clutch to gas to clutch to brake without riding the clutch, it gets hard. I can't count how many times I start in first in a given commute. On the highway. All I know is, when there's no traffic, it takes 17 minutes from office to home. With traffic? About 50.

I don't know what's to be done about it. The idea of taking the Metro is appealing except for the fact that I often work late and don't love the idea of sharing a bus with the freaks of LA. At least when the miscreants are in their cars, I can't smell them. Oh, and I don't fear for my life either. I don't know anyone from work anywhere near my neighborhood, so carpooling isn't a good option. I'd love to work from home, but it's not a practical option for someone with lots of meetings and two direct reports to manage.

So in the meantime, I just vent, get my car fixed, crank the tunes, and keep on driving.