I am SO TIRED of being sick, of not being able to think totally straight, of being tired all the time, I can't even tell you. I have SO MUCH TO DO this week. I do not have time for this. And it's just a stupid COLD, so I can only treat the symptoms, but the medicine makes me high & fuzzy, which isn't helping the whole "thinking straight" thing. It's all extremely frustrating, to desperately need to be able to focus and work, but to be constantly thinking through a vague, stuffy fog.
Plus I haven't had time to even watch So You Think You Can Dance.
Plus I haven't had time to blog my Comic Con experience, except to tell you that it literally made me sick and I hate it.
Plus I have all these personal projects to do this week for my mini college reunion this weekend (WHEN???).
Plus I desperately need to get back to the gym and jump-start my exercise schedule again.
But all I want to do is sleep and take Advil and watch movies.
Yes, I am whining. I don't do sick very well at all. Being sick sucks mightily. If y'all could send some healthy vibes my way, I'd surely appreciate them.
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Monday, August 04, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Dinah: 1. Death: 0.
I finished!
I thought I was gonna die, but I didn't. Dinah: 1. Death: 0. As for the whole rundown of how I did, I warn you now--it ain't pretty. Oh, and it's a long story, so if you just want to skip ahead to my slow, slow times, they're at the bottom.
Race Day started when Mac & I left the hotel with plenty of time to get to the race site, get me into the transition area & set up my gear, and call/text all my race buddies to make sure we could meet up. Then, we got lost. I ended up getting into the transition area with about 5 minutes to set up all my gear and get the heck out. I found my friend Loren, who suckered me into this in the first place, and ended up hanging with her until our wave started. Just as we were waiting to get into our swim corral, my friends Susan & Hilary found me! After many hugs and high fives all around, it was time to swim.
I'd done one other open water swim before this, but nothing prepared me for this. The water was super choppy and there was a strong current pulling everyone to the left. I started off with my nice long stroke and my "I'm a superhero!" mantra (I know it's silly, but it usually works), and then there'd be water in my face, in my mouth, up my nose. Then I'd realize I'd been pulled by the current and I'd have to get back on track. Then I'd get kicked in the face. I didn't experience any bad anxiety, thank God, and I never needed a noodle to hang on to, but the whole thing was a struggle. After all my careful training, I did a whole lot of doggy-paddle & sputtering. My best time in the pool was around 27 minutes; this swim took 37.
Still, finishing the swim was thrilling! I hauled my dizzy butt through my first transition slowly and still managed to forget my sunglasses (a big bummer on bike on a sunny, windy day). And then I was off on the bike.
First of all, the bike course was full of more hills than I ever expected or trained on. Second, the hybrid bike I rented was easily 50% heavier than my bike at home. Third, it was super windy out there. So, not the best conditions ever. BUT I biked up most the hills (and walked/pushed my bike up a few steep ones, because, OW), and used the downhills and flats to pick up speed. The wind was a little scary, but knowing how hard the uphills would be I knew I'd need the momentum (and help on the time), I just decided "No Fear!!" and peddled and went as fast as I could. It was a beautiful course, as well. Had the course been a little flatter, I probably could have done it in a nice, respectable time. As it is, I finished the bike in an hour and 16 minutes.
By the time THAT was done, I was exhausted. Had it not been Race Day, and someone asked me to even go on a light, breezy walk, I would have been like, "Um, no. The only left on my agenda today is a bath, some ice cream and a good book, THANKS."
But it WAS Race Day.
God Bless Loren Faye in this moment. Because as I pulled into the transition area, there she was, waiting for me. She'd kicked my butt in the swim and the bike, and now had a super-long transition time waiting for me so we could do the 5k together. When started walking she asked, "Are you still going to be my friend after this, since I talked you into one of the Hardest Races Ever?" To which I replied (in between panting), "Um, DUH." And here's where we were just really slow (totally my fault) and walked pretty much the whole 5k. Even when I got my legs back, I just couldn't do it. Y'all it was HOT. The high for the day was 99, so we had to be walking in about 95 degrees of blazing hot sun. And as much as I was super hydrated and fueled with proper nutrition & sports drinks, the heat was just really brutal. (My friend Susan warned me about the heat and I tried to train in heat & acclimate before the race, but our lovely Southern California weather never went over 80/85 in the last weeks leading up the race.) There was a long hill at the end of the course (what sadist plotted THAT out, I'd like to know??), and the heat actually HURT. But with Loren's help, and the ice cold water of some fabulous volunteers, and all the support I knew I had to finish, I just kept plugging away.
I would have liked to have done more jogging this whole time (Straight up: I jogged for the cameras, and that's about it). In the end, my legs aren't as wrecked as I actually think they should have been. And I keep looking back at this part and feeling frustrated that I didn't get to do all the jogging I'd trained.
But when we finally spotted the finish line I finally just thought, "F--- it," and jogged the last, like, 50/100 yards of the course. I got a double high five from Danskin spokeswoman and professional hard-core triathlete Sally Edwards as I crossed the finish line, got my medal and my water, and seriously felt like I might throw up. I think if I'd done any more jogging in that heat, I definitely would have thrown up, if not passed out. So it's probably best for my health that I didn't jog, I guess, but my final time for the 5k was a super-slow 55 minutes. UGH.
(Also: after doing the whole race and feeling more hot & exhausted then I've ever felt before, we had to walk about 1.5 miles back to the car. I thought I was gonna die.)
Overall, this event was the hardest thing I've ever chosen to do. It's also one of the BEST THINGS I have ever chosen to do. First of all, I made some awesome new friends by doing this (What up TEAM QUESO!!) But mostly, throughout the whole event, I kept thinking, "This water is really choppy (blrargh/garrgle/spleft/mloey/pleh/sputter) . . . but I'm gonna do this anyway." "Trying to bike up these hills on this bike, in this wind, is really super painful (Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.).... but I'm gonna keep peddling anyway." "Just walking in this brutal heat, after everything else I've already done today, is one of the most exhausting things I've ever done, and I really want to stop. (OMG I'm dying!) But I won't stop; I'm going to keep walking anyway."
It ended up being this profound experience. The medal we all get when we finish the Danskin says, "The woman who starts the race is not the same woman who finishes the race." Truer words were never printed on a pointy metal award. After all, the next time I find myself in a tough spot, faced with doing something I'd rather not do, I think I'll be a whole lot less likely to quit. I think I'll just plow ahead and do it anyway.
So. Will I do it again? You bet your sweet bippy I will. (And I'm taking some of you with me, so look out!!) This event has not only taught me so much about training, and what I need to do for the next one. All my training for this one didn't really prepare me for all the conditions of the course, but it did prepare my overall strength and stamina. And willpower, for that matter.
This race has also forced me to give up my old mantle of "Most Un-athletic Person I Know." Which, aside from raising money for breast-cancer research, is the main reason I wanted to do this. I just got tired of being this sad sack of couch potatoes, moping around going, "I'm just not athletic/coordinated/good at sports. I can't do athletic things." I set out on this journey to prove to myself that I CAN do athletic things if I want to. I might not be the fastest or strongest, but I can do it if I want to!!
And now I am officially a tri-athlete. I haven't signed up for any other races yet, but I will. I want to keep up my training, of course. Plus, man, I have GOT to get a better time. And then a better one, and then a better one....
Finally, I just want to say THANK YOU to all of you who have been reading along this journey for all your love and support and prayers--they helped so very much. Also: Thank you to Amy for introducing me to Athleta, home of the world's cutest workout gear. Thank you to Matti, for all the travel-sized beauty products that really came in handy this whole weekend. A HUGE thank you to Team Queso, for all the supportive emails leading up to this race, for encouraging me when I thought I couldn't keep going, and for the actual queso (and cake, and beer) after the race.
And, of course, Big Love and gratitude to my dear friend Loren, for talking me into this in the first place, and then waiting for me and sticking with me that whole walk. I am so proud of us for crossing that finish line together--We Rock Shut Up!!
And, last but not least, my fabulous husband Mac, who encouraged me on the days I didn't want to go to the gym, who listened when I went on and on about all my training endeavors, who didn't bat an eyelash no matter how much I spent on gear (this sport ain't cheap, y'all), and who never once wavered in his belief in me, that I could do this.
Thank you thank you thank you everyone! And don't forget, the next time I do this, I'm taking you with me!
--
My Results
I thought I was gonna die, but I didn't. Dinah: 1. Death: 0. As for the whole rundown of how I did, I warn you now--it ain't pretty. Oh, and it's a long story, so if you just want to skip ahead to my slow, slow times, they're at the bottom.
Race Day started when Mac & I left the hotel with plenty of time to get to the race site, get me into the transition area & set up my gear, and call/text all my race buddies to make sure we could meet up. Then, we got lost. I ended up getting into the transition area with about 5 minutes to set up all my gear and get the heck out. I found my friend Loren, who suckered me into this in the first place, and ended up hanging with her until our wave started. Just as we were waiting to get into our swim corral, my friends Susan & Hilary found me! After many hugs and high fives all around, it was time to swim.
I'd done one other open water swim before this, but nothing prepared me for this. The water was super choppy and there was a strong current pulling everyone to the left. I started off with my nice long stroke and my "I'm a superhero!" mantra (I know it's silly, but it usually works), and then there'd be water in my face, in my mouth, up my nose. Then I'd realize I'd been pulled by the current and I'd have to get back on track. Then I'd get kicked in the face. I didn't experience any bad anxiety, thank God, and I never needed a noodle to hang on to, but the whole thing was a struggle. After all my careful training, I did a whole lot of doggy-paddle & sputtering. My best time in the pool was around 27 minutes; this swim took 37.
Still, finishing the swim was thrilling! I hauled my dizzy butt through my first transition slowly and still managed to forget my sunglasses (a big bummer on bike on a sunny, windy day). And then I was off on the bike.
First of all, the bike course was full of more hills than I ever expected or trained on. Second, the hybrid bike I rented was easily 50% heavier than my bike at home. Third, it was super windy out there. So, not the best conditions ever. BUT I biked up most the hills (and walked/pushed my bike up a few steep ones, because, OW), and used the downhills and flats to pick up speed. The wind was a little scary, but knowing how hard the uphills would be I knew I'd need the momentum (and help on the time), I just decided "No Fear!!" and peddled and went as fast as I could. It was a beautiful course, as well. Had the course been a little flatter, I probably could have done it in a nice, respectable time. As it is, I finished the bike in an hour and 16 minutes.
By the time THAT was done, I was exhausted. Had it not been Race Day, and someone asked me to even go on a light, breezy walk, I would have been like, "Um, no. The only left on my agenda today is a bath, some ice cream and a good book, THANKS."
But it WAS Race Day.
God Bless Loren Faye in this moment. Because as I pulled into the transition area, there she was, waiting for me. She'd kicked my butt in the swim and the bike, and now had a super-long transition time waiting for me so we could do the 5k together. When started walking she asked, "Are you still going to be my friend after this, since I talked you into one of the Hardest Races Ever?" To which I replied (in between panting), "Um, DUH." And here's where we were just really slow (totally my fault) and walked pretty much the whole 5k. Even when I got my legs back, I just couldn't do it. Y'all it was HOT. The high for the day was 99, so we had to be walking in about 95 degrees of blazing hot sun. And as much as I was super hydrated and fueled with proper nutrition & sports drinks, the heat was just really brutal. (My friend Susan warned me about the heat and I tried to train in heat & acclimate before the race, but our lovely Southern California weather never went over 80/85 in the last weeks leading up the race.) There was a long hill at the end of the course (what sadist plotted THAT out, I'd like to know??), and the heat actually HURT. But with Loren's help, and the ice cold water of some fabulous volunteers, and all the support I knew I had to finish, I just kept plugging away.
I would have liked to have done more jogging this whole time (Straight up: I jogged for the cameras, and that's about it). In the end, my legs aren't as wrecked as I actually think they should have been. And I keep looking back at this part and feeling frustrated that I didn't get to do all the jogging I'd trained.
But when we finally spotted the finish line I finally just thought, "F--- it," and jogged the last, like, 50/100 yards of the course. I got a double high five from Danskin spokeswoman and professional hard-core triathlete Sally Edwards as I crossed the finish line, got my medal and my water, and seriously felt like I might throw up. I think if I'd done any more jogging in that heat, I definitely would have thrown up, if not passed out. So it's probably best for my health that I didn't jog, I guess, but my final time for the 5k was a super-slow 55 minutes. UGH.
(Also: after doing the whole race and feeling more hot & exhausted then I've ever felt before, we had to walk about 1.5 miles back to the car. I thought I was gonna die.)
Overall, this event was the hardest thing I've ever chosen to do. It's also one of the BEST THINGS I have ever chosen to do. First of all, I made some awesome new friends by doing this (What up TEAM QUESO!!) But mostly, throughout the whole event, I kept thinking, "This water is really choppy (blrargh/garrgle/spleft/mloey/pleh/sputter) . . . but I'm gonna do this anyway." "Trying to bike up these hills on this bike, in this wind, is really super painful (Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.).... but I'm gonna keep peddling anyway." "Just walking in this brutal heat, after everything else I've already done today, is one of the most exhausting things I've ever done, and I really want to stop. (OMG I'm dying!) But I won't stop; I'm going to keep walking anyway."
It ended up being this profound experience. The medal we all get when we finish the Danskin says, "The woman who starts the race is not the same woman who finishes the race." Truer words were never printed on a pointy metal award. After all, the next time I find myself in a tough spot, faced with doing something I'd rather not do, I think I'll be a whole lot less likely to quit. I think I'll just plow ahead and do it anyway.
So. Will I do it again? You bet your sweet bippy I will. (And I'm taking some of you with me, so look out!!) This event has not only taught me so much about training, and what I need to do for the next one. All my training for this one didn't really prepare me for all the conditions of the course, but it did prepare my overall strength and stamina. And willpower, for that matter.
This race has also forced me to give up my old mantle of "Most Un-athletic Person I Know." Which, aside from raising money for breast-cancer research, is the main reason I wanted to do this. I just got tired of being this sad sack of couch potatoes, moping around going, "I'm just not athletic/coordinated/good at sports. I can't do athletic things." I set out on this journey to prove to myself that I CAN do athletic things if I want to. I might not be the fastest or strongest, but I can do it if I want to!!
And now I am officially a tri-athlete. I haven't signed up for any other races yet, but I will. I want to keep up my training, of course. Plus, man, I have GOT to get a better time. And then a better one, and then a better one....
Finally, I just want to say THANK YOU to all of you who have been reading along this journey for all your love and support and prayers--they helped so very much. Also: Thank you to Amy for introducing me to Athleta, home of the world's cutest workout gear. Thank you to Matti, for all the travel-sized beauty products that really came in handy this whole weekend. A HUGE thank you to Team Queso, for all the supportive emails leading up to this race, for encouraging me when I thought I couldn't keep going, and for the actual queso (and cake, and beer) after the race.
And, of course, Big Love and gratitude to my dear friend Loren, for talking me into this in the first place, and then waiting for me and sticking with me that whole walk. I am so proud of us for crossing that finish line together--We Rock Shut Up!!
And, last but not least, my fabulous husband Mac, who encouraged me on the days I didn't want to go to the gym, who listened when I went on and on about all my training endeavors, who didn't bat an eyelash no matter how much I spent on gear (this sport ain't cheap, y'all), and who never once wavered in his belief in me, that I could do this.
Thank you thank you thank you everyone! And don't forget, the next time I do this, I'm taking you with me!
--
My Results
| Oerall Rank | Class Rank | Swim | Swim Rank | Trans1 | Bike | Bike Rank | MPH | Trans2 | Run | Run Rank | Pace | Final |
| 2473 of 2592 | 327 of 376 | 00:37:33 | 2304 | 00:08:12 | 01:16:34 | 2473 | 09.4 | 00:05:49 | 00:55:45 | 2468 | 00:17:59 | 03:03:53 |
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I bike in hail!
So, listen. If you've been following the story, then you know that I have had my doubts about this whole madcap triathlon endeavor. Especially recently, as the event starts to loom closer and the panic about all the training I have NOT done starts to creep in.
So let's see where I'm really at, shall we?
Swimming:
Today I did the whole half mile without stopping in 32:50 and felt great. I did an extra two laps just because I could. Plus, let's face it, if my last attempts at open-water swimming are any indication, I'm not swimming this thing in a straight line, like, at all. So it will likely be longer than my practiced 1/2 mile distance. Knowing I can do the whole distance, and then some, is a great feeling. Also a great feeling: when I realized I wasn't nearly as winded as I used to be, then used that information to force myself to try and swim faster. I mean, I shaved almost 3 minutes off my time from just last Tuesday.
Goals: Shave another minute or two off, if possible; practice swimming in what I'll be wearing on race day (tri-shorts, sports bra, zip up jersey); practice Zen-ing out and visualize taking on the Fleshy Churning Spank Machine open water swim with calm and confidence.
Biking:
When I first agreed to do this, I was focused on the running because I knew that was hard for me. Then I switched focus to swimming because I knew I couldn't do that hardly at all. I haven't spent nearly enough on my bike, and it's pretty obvious. On Sunday I tried to bike in the 95 degree heat and thought I was gonna die. (Lesson learned: hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!!!!) Today I biked a little over 12 miles (2.5 to the gym, 9.7 after my swim) and I wasn't clocking it super-specifically or anything, but I think the whole thing was around 1:08. As in, an hour and 8 minutes. So, I can do it, but I am hella slow. The fun part, though, was getting caught in a rainstorm on my bike. That's right: I am now a HARD-CORE ATHLETE, I bike in hail!
Goals: Get time under an hour (and who knows how much time I'm wasting at stop lights, dude); practice bike-to-run transition; do a couple more rides in the heat, if possible.
Running:
Oh, who am I kidding? I can't actually qualify what I do as "running." This is where I started my training, and it's still my weakest leg of the whole thing. I still get dizzy, the tiniest twinges can turn into full-blown muscle spasms, and I have to walk a lot. If I'm regulating my time, then I'm alternating 2-minute walks with 3-minute jogs for the whole distance. If I'm not regulating my time, then that means I'm pushing myself to see how far/long I can jog, and then getting exhausted, and then I'm all over the map. The good news is, I've at least picked up a little speed from when I started. The bad news is, I'm probably not doing this 5k in under 45 minutes any time soon. I mean, I do it in 42 minutes now. And I've paired it with the bike a few times with decent success, actually. Just not with the whole bike distance. So, yeah. I could be walking this thing.
Goals: Get time down to 41, maybe 40 minutes (so I can do it in 45 on race day); practice walking/jogging after full 12-mile ride; practice jogging in what I'll be wearing on race day, especially outside; do a couple jogs in the heat, if possible.
So if I were to do this today (and, hi, I did 2/3 of it today, HOLLA!!), then my total time will be about 2 and a half hours, I think? If I can manage a 35 minute swim + 60 minute bike + 45 minute run on race day, then it's 2:20, plus transitions. For a sprint, this is a VERY SLOW TIME. BUT. Considering that I was certain I couldn't do this at all before Lo & Susan talked me into in January? Or that I was convinced it would take me at least 3 hours just 2 weeks ago?
I'm kind of stoked.
So let's see where I'm really at, shall we?
Swimming:
Today I did the whole half mile without stopping in 32:50 and felt great. I did an extra two laps just because I could. Plus, let's face it, if my last attempts at open-water swimming are any indication, I'm not swimming this thing in a straight line, like, at all. So it will likely be longer than my practiced 1/2 mile distance. Knowing I can do the whole distance, and then some, is a great feeling. Also a great feeling: when I realized I wasn't nearly as winded as I used to be, then used that information to force myself to try and swim faster. I mean, I shaved almost 3 minutes off my time from just last Tuesday.
Goals: Shave another minute or two off, if possible; practice swimming in what I'll be wearing on race day (tri-shorts, sports bra, zip up jersey); practice Zen-ing out and visualize taking on the Fleshy Churning Spank Machine open water swim with calm and confidence.
Biking:
When I first agreed to do this, I was focused on the running because I knew that was hard for me. Then I switched focus to swimming because I knew I couldn't do that hardly at all. I haven't spent nearly enough on my bike, and it's pretty obvious. On Sunday I tried to bike in the 95 degree heat and thought I was gonna die. (Lesson learned: hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!!!!) Today I biked a little over 12 miles (2.5 to the gym, 9.7 after my swim) and I wasn't clocking it super-specifically or anything, but I think the whole thing was around 1:08. As in, an hour and 8 minutes. So, I can do it, but I am hella slow. The fun part, though, was getting caught in a rainstorm on my bike. That's right: I am now a HARD-CORE ATHLETE, I bike in hail!
Goals: Get time under an hour (and who knows how much time I'm wasting at stop lights, dude); practice bike-to-run transition; do a couple more rides in the heat, if possible.
Running:
Oh, who am I kidding? I can't actually qualify what I do as "running." This is where I started my training, and it's still my weakest leg of the whole thing. I still get dizzy, the tiniest twinges can turn into full-blown muscle spasms, and I have to walk a lot. If I'm regulating my time, then I'm alternating 2-minute walks with 3-minute jogs for the whole distance. If I'm not regulating my time, then that means I'm pushing myself to see how far/long I can jog, and then getting exhausted, and then I'm all over the map. The good news is, I've at least picked up a little speed from when I started. The bad news is, I'm probably not doing this 5k in under 45 minutes any time soon. I mean, I do it in 42 minutes now. And I've paired it with the bike a few times with decent success, actually. Just not with the whole bike distance. So, yeah. I could be walking this thing.
Goals: Get time down to 41, maybe 40 minutes (so I can do it in 45 on race day); practice walking/jogging after full 12-mile ride; practice jogging in what I'll be wearing on race day, especially outside; do a couple jogs in the heat, if possible.
So if I were to do this today (and, hi, I did 2/3 of it today, HOLLA!!), then my total time will be about 2 and a half hours, I think? If I can manage a 35 minute swim + 60 minute bike + 45 minute run on race day, then it's 2:20, plus transitions. For a sprint, this is a VERY SLOW TIME. BUT. Considering that I was certain I couldn't do this at all before Lo & Susan talked me into in January? Or that I was convinced it would take me at least 3 hours just 2 weeks ago?
I'm kind of stoked.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
healthy
I had an epiphany in the pool today.
Somewhere around lap 15 I remembered that I'm in a very busy work week--getting caught up from vacation, prepping for staff flying in and client meetings and our party on Saturday, etc. As soon as it popped into my head, I felt weird.
And I realized: generally speaking, when I'm training, I don't think about work at ALL. In fact, I don't think about anything BUT training. I think about my breathing and I think about the fatigue (and sometimes pain) I feel in my body. I think about my triathlon, and how I'm going to get through it. If I'm running, I think about the song I'm listening to, and sometimes get so caught up I do a little dance move while I'm jogging (which I bet looks bizarre to the people around me at the Y). If I'm biking, I'm thinking about the cars around me, my speed, the pain in my butt, how thirsty I am (I don't have a bottle holder on my bike yet). Sometimes I just repeat a mantra over and over again in my head. Like, my swimming mantra used to be "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming." My new mantra is, "Long. Strong." One word for each stroke.
The weirdness passed quickly as I went back to repeating my mantra, breathing, and keeping count of my laps. And making sure I kept kicking. And paying attention to my form. There's actually quite a lot to think about when you're swimming. It doesn't leave room for any of my other usual thoughts or worries.
And I love it. I mean, as hard as all this training has been, I really love it. Not only am I in better shape than I was when I started this venture, but my workouts have become this precious me-time. I might even love swimming most of all, because it forces me out of my own head and makes me focus on the moment.
Starting this, everyone said it's best to work out with friends, and I believed them. I lamented that none of my friends go to my Y, and none of my fellow tri buddies are even in LA, and why does this city have to be so damn spread out so it's freaking impossible to get together to work out anyway?? Now I realize just how valuable all this me-time has been.
Aside from today's epiphany, I've also realized a couple other things. One, I love exercise. Go figure. When we were in Hawaii I went on 2 4-mile walks, swam laps in the ocean (I'm guessing about 600 yards?), lifted weights in the hotel exercise room, and went snorkeling. Which, fine, is basically just floating and probably didn't burn many calories. But still! Moving, playing outside--I love it. I don't know yet if I'm going to become one of those people who's addicted to triathlons, but I'm definitely making a list of all the other stuff I want to try. Like, scuba diving for sure, maybe surfing, maybe tennis? Definitely rock climbing.
Unrelated to my training (but just as healthy), I also realized last week when I was in Hawaii that I was missing the annual Ticketmaster marketing & operations conference in LA. Which, yeah, I don't work there anymore, but I still have friends there who live around the country, and it would have been fun to crash one of their parties and see some of my favorite people.
Nothing against any of those people, but in retrospect I'm actually glad I missed it. It's been almost one year exactly since I left TM after 7 years, and it's been one of the most challenging and rewarding years of my life. When I think about the positive ways in which I've changed my life since leaving, it really becomes clear that the most important change I made was the leaving itself. Those friends I didn't see last week will still be friends, and we'll see each other again some other, better way. For me, it's best not to move back, but keep on truckin' forward.
Somewhere around lap 15 I remembered that I'm in a very busy work week--getting caught up from vacation, prepping for staff flying in and client meetings and our party on Saturday, etc. As soon as it popped into my head, I felt weird.
And I realized: generally speaking, when I'm training, I don't think about work at ALL. In fact, I don't think about anything BUT training. I think about my breathing and I think about the fatigue (and sometimes pain) I feel in my body. I think about my triathlon, and how I'm going to get through it. If I'm running, I think about the song I'm listening to, and sometimes get so caught up I do a little dance move while I'm jogging (which I bet looks bizarre to the people around me at the Y). If I'm biking, I'm thinking about the cars around me, my speed, the pain in my butt, how thirsty I am (I don't have a bottle holder on my bike yet). Sometimes I just repeat a mantra over and over again in my head. Like, my swimming mantra used to be "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming." My new mantra is, "Long. Strong." One word for each stroke.
The weirdness passed quickly as I went back to repeating my mantra, breathing, and keeping count of my laps. And making sure I kept kicking. And paying attention to my form. There's actually quite a lot to think about when you're swimming. It doesn't leave room for any of my other usual thoughts or worries.
And I love it. I mean, as hard as all this training has been, I really love it. Not only am I in better shape than I was when I started this venture, but my workouts have become this precious me-time. I might even love swimming most of all, because it forces me out of my own head and makes me focus on the moment.
Starting this, everyone said it's best to work out with friends, and I believed them. I lamented that none of my friends go to my Y, and none of my fellow tri buddies are even in LA, and why does this city have to be so damn spread out so it's freaking impossible to get together to work out anyway?? Now I realize just how valuable all this me-time has been.
Aside from today's epiphany, I've also realized a couple other things. One, I love exercise. Go figure. When we were in Hawaii I went on 2 4-mile walks, swam laps in the ocean (I'm guessing about 600 yards?), lifted weights in the hotel exercise room, and went snorkeling. Which, fine, is basically just floating and probably didn't burn many calories. But still! Moving, playing outside--I love it. I don't know yet if I'm going to become one of those people who's addicted to triathlons, but I'm definitely making a list of all the other stuff I want to try. Like, scuba diving for sure, maybe surfing, maybe tennis? Definitely rock climbing.
Unrelated to my training (but just as healthy), I also realized last week when I was in Hawaii that I was missing the annual Ticketmaster marketing & operations conference in LA. Which, yeah, I don't work there anymore, but I still have friends there who live around the country, and it would have been fun to crash one of their parties and see some of my favorite people.
Nothing against any of those people, but in retrospect I'm actually glad I missed it. It's been almost one year exactly since I left TM after 7 years, and it's been one of the most challenging and rewarding years of my life. When I think about the positive ways in which I've changed my life since leaving, it really becomes clear that the most important change I made was the leaving itself. Those friends I didn't see last week will still be friends, and we'll see each other again some other, better way. For me, it's best not to move back, but keep on truckin' forward.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
my beaten, yet victorious, ass
I was going to go with "Shark Fight."
The story went like this: I was in Hawaii, enjoying my Big Island vacation and frolicking in the surf, when suddenly a shark swam up to me all, "I'm gonna EAT YOU!!" and he bit my ankle. So I punch him in the face and knocked his teeth out! But then he smacked me in the face with his tail and head-butted me in the shoulder, and then bit the back of my legs! Thank god he didn't have any teeth anymore, so he just gummed my legs and left big bruises. But it hurt!! So I kicked him in the nuts. And he was like, "Ow! Sonofa!" and he finally swam away. And I dragged my beaten, yet victorious, ass out of the water and collapsed face first on the sand. And when I awoke, my back, shoulders, & arms were all sun-burnt.
And then I got home from Hawaii, and read about this.
So I've decided to go with the other story, which is less fun and goes like this: First, I flayed over an inch of skin from my ankle in the shower with my cheap-as-shit Bic Soleil razor and bled all over the hotel bathroom, and worried about convincing the hotel staff that someone had been horribly murdered. Then I jumped off the high dive of a boat, and landed in the water in a seated position, and gave myself multiple contusions (that's when a bruise is also a bumpy welt) on the backs of my legs, one of them bigger then both of my hands end to end. Then, after applying and re-applying water and sweat-proof sunscreen religiously all week, I forgot to re-apply it after the boat trip, and sunburned the hell out of my back and shoulders in the convertible on the drive back to where we were staying. But none of these injuries would stop me from going back into the ocean on my last day of my trip, and when I saw the big wave coming I thought, "Um, that looks like it's going to kill me. What am I supposed to do?" The ocean, merciless bastard it is, gave me no time to figure out the right answer, and flipped me over until I pounded its sandy bottom with my shoulder and face.
So, yeah. Hawaii was awesome and we had an amazing vacation. We got to see whales, dolphins, sea turtles, a mongoose, brown geckos, green geckos, and countless birds, bugs and fish. We drank all the refreshing island cocktails ever invented and watched the sun set over the ocean. We got lomi lomi massages by the water. We bonded even more with my sister Amy and her husband Chip. We ate some of the most delicious fish you can imagine. I'm not complaining, it was a dreamy, relaxing vacation.
I'm just saying: I got beat to shit, dude. It's probably for the best that we're back.
The story went like this: I was in Hawaii, enjoying my Big Island vacation and frolicking in the surf, when suddenly a shark swam up to me all, "I'm gonna EAT YOU!!" and he bit my ankle. So I punch him in the face and knocked his teeth out! But then he smacked me in the face with his tail and head-butted me in the shoulder, and then bit the back of my legs! Thank god he didn't have any teeth anymore, so he just gummed my legs and left big bruises. But it hurt!! So I kicked him in the nuts. And he was like, "Ow! Sonofa!" and he finally swam away. And I dragged my beaten, yet victorious, ass out of the water and collapsed face first on the sand. And when I awoke, my back, shoulders, & arms were all sun-burnt.
And then I got home from Hawaii, and read about this.
So I've decided to go with the other story, which is less fun and goes like this: First, I flayed over an inch of skin from my ankle in the shower with my cheap-as-shit Bic Soleil razor and bled all over the hotel bathroom, and worried about convincing the hotel staff that someone had been horribly murdered. Then I jumped off the high dive of a boat, and landed in the water in a seated position, and gave myself multiple contusions (that's when a bruise is also a bumpy welt) on the backs of my legs, one of them bigger then both of my hands end to end. Then, after applying and re-applying water and sweat-proof sunscreen religiously all week, I forgot to re-apply it after the boat trip, and sunburned the hell out of my back and shoulders in the convertible on the drive back to where we were staying. But none of these injuries would stop me from going back into the ocean on my last day of my trip, and when I saw the big wave coming I thought, "Um, that looks like it's going to kill me. What am I supposed to do?" The ocean, merciless bastard it is, gave me no time to figure out the right answer, and flipped me over until I pounded its sandy bottom with my shoulder and face.
So, yeah. Hawaii was awesome and we had an amazing vacation. We got to see whales, dolphins, sea turtles, a mongoose, brown geckos, green geckos, and countless birds, bugs and fish. We drank all the refreshing island cocktails ever invented and watched the sun set over the ocean. We got lomi lomi massages by the water. We bonded even more with my sister Amy and her husband Chip. We ate some of the most delicious fish you can imagine. I'm not complaining, it was a dreamy, relaxing vacation.
I'm just saying: I got beat to shit, dude. It's probably for the best that we're back.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Endurance Girl I am not
So I have 9 more weeks to train for this triathlon. I am beyond nervous about it, to the point that I've started having nightmares about it. Specifically, the swimming. Last night I had to swim a labyrinth of lake and my feet kept touching the primordial ooze at the bottom of the lake and grossing me out. And, I was the last one to finish swimming and everyone else was done with the race before I even got on my bike. Another time I had to swim in the ocean, only when I got to the beach the ocean was overflowing with all manner of creatures--whales, those crazy eels from the Little Mermaid, turtles, dolphins--and I was too scared to go in and had to forfeit.
Anxious? Me? Noooo.........
At any rate, here's where I'm at with my training:
Swimming - I went swimming three times last week and will do the same this week. I figure I need to continue swimming at LEAST three times a week for the next 9 weeks in order to be prepared for this event. The half mile distance equals about 900 yards, or 18 laps in my 25-yard-long pool at the Y.
Currently, I can swim 18 laps in about 40 minutes, and I have to take a break to breath after pretty much every lap. I often have to flip onto my back and just kick in order to catch my breath. Endurance Girl I am not.
The director at my Y recommended this class to help me train, but, well. I went to check it out and chat with the instructor, and he had me swim just one lap for him before turning me away. He told me that once I could swim 200 yards in 2 minutes, I could come back to the class. Which was humiliating and devastating and led to me crying in the shower until I did the math, and realized...200 yards in 2 minutes. That's 4 laps. That's 30 seconds per lap, or getting from one end of the pool to the other in just 15 seconds. If I could do that, then I'd be swimming all 18 of my laps in just 9 minutes. And if I could do that, I WOULDN'T NEED THE STUPID CLASS IN THE GODDAMN FIRST PLACE!!! Upon realizing this, of course, I stopped crying, logged the whole experience in my workout journal, and went home.
So, I'm back to training on my own. Swimming 18 laps, three times a week, and hoping I eventually learn how to keep going for the whole distance without stopping and panting in the shallow end.
Biking - I bought a bike! Oh, I love it. It's so pretty and shiny and fast. I want to name it and buy it presents and write it love songs.
I do not look cool on my bike. I do not care.
When I tried it out at the store, I pushed off and just felt like a little kid again. The wind in my face, the thrill of the speed. There may as well have been streamers coming off my handlebars, it was so awesome. I went for a 9 or 10 mile ride on Saturday, and while I felt it for sure, it wasn't impossible to get through. I feel fairly certain I could muddle my way through the other 2 - 3 miles come June. As long as the course is fairly flat. Ahem. At any rate, biking 1 - 2 times per week should have me in pretty good shape for this thing, I think.
Running - I'm running the full 5k about once a week now, and last week I shaved another 2 minutes off my time. I can walk 2 minutes then jog 3 minutes consistently for the whole distance. My time now is 45:40 for 3.2 miles. At this point with the running I'm just trying to get stronger, so my legs aren't all wrecked after finishing the distance. I don't mind switching from running to walking, as it really works for me. However, I would like to be able to jog the whole distance. We'll see how far I get.
So, that's where I'm at. Not bad, but not great either. I am certainly doing more now than I was when I started this endeavor, so I've made progress. However, with only 9 weeks left to train, I really need to start sticking to a more stringent schedule (swim x3, jog x1 or 2, bike x1 or 2, every week). And, of course, I haven't starting putting these things together really at all. On Saturday I swam my whole distance in the morning, then biked for 9 or 10 miles later in the afternoon, and then my body was totally wrecked for the next two days and I couldn't do anything without risking injury. Which throws off my schedule--not good. I'm hoping I can start putting at least two of the distances together starting in May. We shall see.
As always, tips and encouragement are totally welcome!!
Anxious? Me? Noooo.........
At any rate, here's where I'm at with my training:
Swimming - I went swimming three times last week and will do the same this week. I figure I need to continue swimming at LEAST three times a week for the next 9 weeks in order to be prepared for this event. The half mile distance equals about 900 yards, or 18 laps in my 25-yard-long pool at the Y.
Currently, I can swim 18 laps in about 40 minutes, and I have to take a break to breath after pretty much every lap. I often have to flip onto my back and just kick in order to catch my breath. Endurance Girl I am not.
The director at my Y recommended this class to help me train, but, well. I went to check it out and chat with the instructor, and he had me swim just one lap for him before turning me away. He told me that once I could swim 200 yards in 2 minutes, I could come back to the class. Which was humiliating and devastating and led to me crying in the shower until I did the math, and realized...200 yards in 2 minutes. That's 4 laps. That's 30 seconds per lap, or getting from one end of the pool to the other in just 15 seconds. If I could do that, then I'd be swimming all 18 of my laps in just 9 minutes. And if I could do that, I WOULDN'T NEED THE STUPID CLASS IN THE GODDAMN FIRST PLACE!!! Upon realizing this, of course, I stopped crying, logged the whole experience in my workout journal, and went home.
So, I'm back to training on my own. Swimming 18 laps, three times a week, and hoping I eventually learn how to keep going for the whole distance without stopping and panting in the shallow end.
Biking - I bought a bike! Oh, I love it. It's so pretty and shiny and fast. I want to name it and buy it presents and write it love songs.
I do not look cool on my bike. I do not care.
When I tried it out at the store, I pushed off and just felt like a little kid again. The wind in my face, the thrill of the speed. There may as well have been streamers coming off my handlebars, it was so awesome. I went for a 9 or 10 mile ride on Saturday, and while I felt it for sure, it wasn't impossible to get through. I feel fairly certain I could muddle my way through the other 2 - 3 miles come June. As long as the course is fairly flat. Ahem. At any rate, biking 1 - 2 times per week should have me in pretty good shape for this thing, I think.
Running - I'm running the full 5k about once a week now, and last week I shaved another 2 minutes off my time. I can walk 2 minutes then jog 3 minutes consistently for the whole distance. My time now is 45:40 for 3.2 miles. At this point with the running I'm just trying to get stronger, so my legs aren't all wrecked after finishing the distance. I don't mind switching from running to walking, as it really works for me. However, I would like to be able to jog the whole distance. We'll see how far I get.
So, that's where I'm at. Not bad, but not great either. I am certainly doing more now than I was when I started this endeavor, so I've made progress. However, with only 9 weeks left to train, I really need to start sticking to a more stringent schedule (swim x3, jog x1 or 2, bike x1 or 2, every week). And, of course, I haven't starting putting these things together really at all. On Saturday I swam my whole distance in the morning, then biked for 9 or 10 miles later in the afternoon, and then my body was totally wrecked for the next two days and I couldn't do anything without risking injury. Which throws off my schedule--not good. I'm hoping I can start putting at least two of the distances together starting in May. We shall see.
As always, tips and encouragement are totally welcome!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
victories
I just wanted to announce to the world (and by "world" I mean the 7 lovely people who read my blog) that my health and fitness endeavors are paying off!
Around mid-January I hit a record high that I'm not going to publish because I'm a lady. (And, admittedly, easily shamed by the numbers on the scale. Stupid patriarchy.) So I started eating better, exercising more. I committed to a triathlon, and introduced a whole array of different exercises into my routine. I went swimming. I lifted weights.
I started this endeavor only 6 weeks ago. As of this morning, I've lost a total of 12 lbs. My gut is smaller. I'm starting to see muscle definition in my upper arms.
12 lbs is especially victorious considering that on Thursday night I went way "Off Plan" and indulged in Godiva chocolate truffles, fried calamari, steak and potatoes, chocolate mousse, and too much good wine. And then on Friday I ate a whole plate of baked macaroni & cheese at a client lunch. And then I felt the old indulgent, "I'm grown! I can if I want!" attitude slip back over the weekend, when I ate pasta and helped Mac finish off the truffles.
But here's what's different: I also went hiking Thursday morning. My Valentine dinner was delicious, but I didn't eat until I was so full I felt sick--there was still food on the plate when they took it away. Mac and I split the mousse dessert, instead of each getting our own. Friday's rich lunch actually did make me feel sick (and took care of the mac & cheese craving for at least a few months), and I ate lightly for the rest of the day. As for the indulgent weekend, 1) We didn't order any Chinese/Thai/Pizza, which is kind of huge, and 2) I snapped out of it yesterday. Just like that. I went back on plan, I went to the gym.
So, yeah, 12 lbs is a huge victory for me, for sure. But I think the bigger victories so far lie in the overall changes in attitude. The fact that I could see my muscles working while I was on the pectoral fly machine yesterday, and it almost made me squeal out loud with glee is, in itself, a huge victory. And on this next Sunday we're throwing our big annual Oscar party, complete with a vast array of delicious food and baked goods. And I already know that I'm going to sample pretty much everything on the table, and probably eat more than my share of brie because that's just how I roll. I also know I'll send cookies home with people and I'll be at the gym the next day. Just knowing this is a win.
Next goals:
I also need to buy a bike. Any recommendations?
Around mid-January I hit a record high that I'm not going to publish because I'm a lady. (And, admittedly, easily shamed by the numbers on the scale. Stupid patriarchy.) So I started eating better, exercising more. I committed to a triathlon, and introduced a whole array of different exercises into my routine. I went swimming. I lifted weights.
I started this endeavor only 6 weeks ago. As of this morning, I've lost a total of 12 lbs. My gut is smaller. I'm starting to see muscle definition in my upper arms.
12 lbs is especially victorious considering that on Thursday night I went way "Off Plan" and indulged in Godiva chocolate truffles, fried calamari, steak and potatoes, chocolate mousse, and too much good wine. And then on Friday I ate a whole plate of baked macaroni & cheese at a client lunch. And then I felt the old indulgent, "I'm grown! I can if I want!" attitude slip back over the weekend, when I ate pasta and helped Mac finish off the truffles.
But here's what's different: I also went hiking Thursday morning. My Valentine dinner was delicious, but I didn't eat until I was so full I felt sick--there was still food on the plate when they took it away. Mac and I split the mousse dessert, instead of each getting our own. Friday's rich lunch actually did make me feel sick (and took care of the mac & cheese craving for at least a few months), and I ate lightly for the rest of the day. As for the indulgent weekend, 1) We didn't order any Chinese/Thai/Pizza, which is kind of huge, and 2) I snapped out of it yesterday. Just like that. I went back on plan, I went to the gym.
So, yeah, 12 lbs is a huge victory for me, for sure. But I think the bigger victories so far lie in the overall changes in attitude. The fact that I could see my muscles working while I was on the pectoral fly machine yesterday, and it almost made me squeal out loud with glee is, in itself, a huge victory. And on this next Sunday we're throwing our big annual Oscar party, complete with a vast array of delicious food and baked goods. And I already know that I'm going to sample pretty much everything on the table, and probably eat more than my share of brie because that's just how I roll. I also know I'll send cookies home with people and I'll be at the gym the next day. Just knowing this is a win.
Next goals:
- 5 more lbs, which should get me into more of the clothes in my closet.
- Still need to run a mile (I keep pulling muscles and injuring myself, so I've been walking a lot).
- 3 sets of 10 reps on the "push up" machine without feeling like I'm going to cry.
I also need to buy a bike. Any recommendations?
Monday, February 11, 2008
HAPPY STORY/SAD STORY
HAPPY STORY TIME!
What I really want to write about today is how I registered for my triathlon over the weekend, and am super ready to go. Unfortunately, registration isn't open yet. Registration for the first city they opened up closed in just a few hours, so now I'm super nervous about getting shut out. Think positive registration thoughts for me, would you? Thank you, I really appreciate it.
That said, I'm proceeding as though I'm already registered/committed. Since announcing my commitment to this endeavor on January 30, I've started working out about five times a week. Mostly I work on my running, since I can still only jog in short bursts. I've also taken the dogs on a hike through Runyon Canyon with one of my employees, looked extensively at bikes, and gone swimming once. (Note: me trying to put on a swim cap for the first time = PURE COMEDY. Very Mrs. Bean.) I didn't work out yesterday and, even though it was probably good for my body to take a day off, I missed it. I've become obsessed with the exercise. I even bought a book about training for triathlons.
Oh, and I've also lost about 3 lbs, bringing my total weight loss for 2008 so far to almost 10 lbs. I'm so close to 10 lbs lost, in fact, that I'm already plotting out how I'm going to run the gauntlet of Valentine's meals/treats and client lunches this week. Because, I'm going to eat the truffles and the petite filet and drink the champagne. So, I make sure I'm doing 60 minutes of cardio every day instead of my average of 45.
Yeah, I don't know what alien took over my mind & body either.
SAD STORY TIME.
In unrelated news, I went to see In Bruges yesterday, which was ridiculous and wrong and surprisingly gory and funny as hell. I went to the bathroom before it started, and as I walked into my stall, I heard a young woman saying, loudly,
"Oh my god, do you think anyone will know I'm bulimic??"
And my stall door shut. I think we both realized we were in adjacent stalls at the same time, and she freaked out.
"Oh my god, IS SOMEONE ELSE IN HERE??"
Her friends responded, essentially, yeah, numnuts, it's public bathroom and you're not alone in here with your stupid eating disorder.
So she proceeded to throw up her lunch anyway.
There's really no sound more depressing than that of a young woman wretching and forcing out her lunch in the stall next to you.
I tried to finish quickly so I could avoid her at the sinks. At the same time, I wondered what I would say to her if I did have the chance. I came up with the following:
"You can't just go to the gym like the rest of us?"
"Oh yeah, bulimia's hot. Except for the swollen glands, the hair falling out, the chronic bad breath, the rotting teeth and that pesky little risk of STOPPING YOUR HEART. Dumbass."
And the meanest of all,
"You better keep it up, girl, or you could end up looking like me."
What I really want to write about today is how I registered for my triathlon over the weekend, and am super ready to go. Unfortunately, registration isn't open yet. Registration for the first city they opened up closed in just a few hours, so now I'm super nervous about getting shut out. Think positive registration thoughts for me, would you? Thank you, I really appreciate it.
That said, I'm proceeding as though I'm already registered/committed. Since announcing my commitment to this endeavor on January 30, I've started working out about five times a week. Mostly I work on my running, since I can still only jog in short bursts. I've also taken the dogs on a hike through Runyon Canyon with one of my employees, looked extensively at bikes, and gone swimming once. (Note: me trying to put on a swim cap for the first time = PURE COMEDY. Very Mrs. Bean.) I didn't work out yesterday and, even though it was probably good for my body to take a day off, I missed it. I've become obsessed with the exercise. I even bought a book about training for triathlons.
Oh, and I've also lost about 3 lbs, bringing my total weight loss for 2008 so far to almost 10 lbs. I'm so close to 10 lbs lost, in fact, that I'm already plotting out how I'm going to run the gauntlet of Valentine's meals/treats and client lunches this week. Because, I'm going to eat the truffles and the petite filet and drink the champagne. So, I make sure I'm doing 60 minutes of cardio every day instead of my average of 45.
Yeah, I don't know what alien took over my mind & body either.
SAD STORY TIME.
In unrelated news, I went to see In Bruges yesterday, which was ridiculous and wrong and surprisingly gory and funny as hell. I went to the bathroom before it started, and as I walked into my stall, I heard a young woman saying, loudly,
"Oh my god, do you think anyone will know I'm bulimic??"
And my stall door shut. I think we both realized we were in adjacent stalls at the same time, and she freaked out.
"Oh my god, IS SOMEONE ELSE IN HERE??"
Her friends responded, essentially, yeah, numnuts, it's public bathroom and you're not alone in here with your stupid eating disorder.
So she proceeded to throw up her lunch anyway.
There's really no sound more depressing than that of a young woman wretching and forcing out her lunch in the stall next to you.
I tried to finish quickly so I could avoid her at the sinks. At the same time, I wondered what I would say to her if I did have the chance. I came up with the following:
"You can't just go to the gym like the rest of us?"
"Oh yeah, bulimia's hot. Except for the swollen glands, the hair falling out, the chronic bad breath, the rotting teeth and that pesky little risk of STOPPING YOUR HEART. Dumbass."
And the meanest of all,
"You better keep it up, girl, or you could end up looking like me."
Monday, July 10, 2006
It's so common.
Happy Monday everyone!
Today, I'd like to use my power for good, in so much as I have power or more than a handful of readers. (Hi mom!)
But I'd like to do something special today. My good friend Julie is walking The Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk in Tampa Bay, FL in October.
It's a 60-mile walk over the course of three days. Which, first of all, WOW. She and her teammate, also named Julie, have also committed to raising a whopping $10,000. Net proceeds will benefit the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation and the National Philanthropic Trust, funding important breast cancer research, education, screening, and treatment.
Why is this important? Because if think about it for even 5 seconds, you'll find you're less than 6 degrees from a woman who has experienced, fought, survived, or even succumbed to breast cancer. It's so common. For me, I think of my aunt and my best friend's mom. And I think of my cousins and my best friend, because heredity can increase a woman's chances of developing breast cancer. I think about me, actually. It's not out of the question, we never know, and all we can do is
1. Do regular exams, both self-exams and regular doctor visits.
2. Continue to do whatever it takes for a cure.
In Julie's case, that means walking. And walking and walking and walking, evidently. She's training her ass off, and charting the progress in her blog, here. She's also raising a truckload of money, and I'd like to invite anyone who's reading this who knows a woman or is a woman or just enjoys the boobies (you know who you are) to chip in, even if it's only $5.
Thanks everyone! You're the best blog readers EVER!
Today, I'd like to use my power for good, in so much as I have power or more than a handful of readers. (Hi mom!)
But I'd like to do something special today. My good friend Julie is walking The Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk in Tampa Bay, FL in October.
It's a 60-mile walk over the course of three days. Which, first of all, WOW. She and her teammate, also named Julie, have also committed to raising a whopping $10,000. Net proceeds will benefit the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation and the National Philanthropic Trust, funding important breast cancer research, education, screening, and treatment.
Why is this important? Because if think about it for even 5 seconds, you'll find you're less than 6 degrees from a woman who has experienced, fought, survived, or even succumbed to breast cancer. It's so common. For me, I think of my aunt and my best friend's mom. And I think of my cousins and my best friend, because heredity can increase a woman's chances of developing breast cancer. I think about me, actually. It's not out of the question, we never know, and all we can do is
1. Do regular exams, both self-exams and regular doctor visits.
2. Continue to do whatever it takes for a cure.
In Julie's case, that means walking. And walking and walking and walking, evidently. She's training her ass off, and charting the progress in her blog, here. She's also raising a truckload of money, and I'd like to invite anyone who's reading this who knows a woman or is a woman or just enjoys the boobies (you know who you are) to chip in, even if it's only $5.
Thanks everyone! You're the best blog readers EVER!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
the sun hates me
Well, the snowboarding trip was cancelled, so I can fret on that dilemma another time. I think I'm throwing a tea party on that day instead.
THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is something I am AWESOME at. Bring on the tiny sandwiches and cupcakes! Set the prettiest table you've ever seen! Pick just the right background music (60's defiant girl pop) for your guests!
It's funny the things that strike fear into the hearts of some and is easy as pie for others. And vice versa. Incidentally, I actually make really delicious pie--with crust from scratch--and yet I know lots of people who can ride a mountain all day who would barely know what to do with a frozen Sara Lee and tremble at the thought of hosting a party. So there ya go.
Speaking of things I'm good at, I just turned in an outline for a class I'm teaching in a couple weeks on Advanced Powerpoint, and as I turned it in I thought, "Damn. I am so good at this shit." It doesn't happen all that often, and it's nice, you know? Plus, I love teaching. I am so looking forward to this class.
In other news, I am sunBURNED. I hate my sunburn almost as much as the sun hates me, evidently. mAc and I spent all day Sunday waterproofing our new outdoor furniture and getting started on what will become the coolest tiki bar EVER. The day itself was lovely and productive. My back and shoulders are a lovely shade of magenta. And I even brought spf 45 outside with me, but just forgot to put it on until it was too late. Dumb. And also painful.
THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is something I am AWESOME at. Bring on the tiny sandwiches and cupcakes! Set the prettiest table you've ever seen! Pick just the right background music (60's defiant girl pop) for your guests!
It's funny the things that strike fear into the hearts of some and is easy as pie for others. And vice versa. Incidentally, I actually make really delicious pie--with crust from scratch--and yet I know lots of people who can ride a mountain all day who would barely know what to do with a frozen Sara Lee and tremble at the thought of hosting a party. So there ya go.
Speaking of things I'm good at, I just turned in an outline for a class I'm teaching in a couple weeks on Advanced Powerpoint, and as I turned it in I thought, "Damn. I am so good at this shit." It doesn't happen all that often, and it's nice, you know? Plus, I love teaching. I am so looking forward to this class.
In other news, I am sunBURNED. I hate my sunburn almost as much as the sun hates me, evidently. mAc and I spent all day Sunday waterproofing our new outdoor furniture and getting started on what will become the coolest tiki bar EVER. The day itself was lovely and productive. My back and shoulders are a lovely shade of magenta. And I even brought spf 45 outside with me, but just forgot to put it on until it was too late. Dumb. And also painful.
Monday, March 27, 2006
To board or not to board
I have a dilemma.
I've been invited to go with a group to Mammoth next month. Get a hotel for a couple nights, hang out and drink & such, and, of course, do some snowboarding. Seems fun, right? First, let's take a closer look at what "snowboarding" will actually mean to me, aside from some beginner lessons and a lot of falling down.
I am not athletic. At ALL. I never have been. As a kid I used to ride my bike around, play a little tennis and, being a Hoosier, play a little basketball. I also ran track for, like, a week. That said, I can hit about 50% of the shots I take, but I never really could run & dribble at the same time. "Tennis" was actually me and my friend Stephanie running all over the damn court hitting whatever we could no matter how many times it bounced or how out of bounds it was. I never learned to serve overhand. Track was a joke - you can only get last place (by a lot) so many times before you get tired of your team mates calling you "Minute Maid," and quit. And when I try to ride a bike these days, my knees hurt inside of 5 minutes.
I don't run, I don't jump, and I don't play in any kind of athletic way. The only exercise I get is the hateful, forced variety that I impose upon myself because I'm trying desperately to reduce the mass of my ass. I consider this to be torture, despite having tried all varieties, both at home and the gym.
The last time I went on a hike, I got so dizzy I almost passed out and scraped the shit out of my shin and by the way, I still have a really ugly scar from it and it was almost a month ago.
I've tried downhill skiing. It took me 2 1/2 hours to get down a green slope and I wanted to cry and shove one of those god-awful robot boots right up my so-called "friends" asses one by one for convincing me it would be fun.
I've tried cross-country skiing--what a miserable fucking day that was. I never got the hang of it, so mostly I was moving forward inches at a time, sweating my ass off in the cold (go figure that one), slowing down the group and basically feeling like a loser all day. Thank god I at least had mAc on that trip to entertain me, although the poor guy got an earful and a half after I fell through a particularly nasty patch of icy snow.
I've tried snorkeling and "snuba" diving (a cross between snorkeling and scuba, but I'm sure you figured that out on your own). That was actually really nice and the snuba instructor told both mAc and me that we were fairly natural at it. Mind you, that was in Maui, so I doubt it's an experience I could replicate in the cold, polluted waters of southern California's Pacific, even if I wanted to.
I feel like I've tried a lot, you know? Hell, I even joined my company's softball team in 2003 knowing all of this about myself, and I practiced throwing and catching and hitting and I even got a little better.... but I hated every game. No one wants to be the loser that drags the team down. So that was that.
So what the heck was I thinking when I said I'd be interested to try snowboarding? It's cold and slippery and everyone who learns falls down all the time when they first start: ALL THINGS I HATE. Plus, I'll suck at it. I don't think I'm being negative when I say that; I have sufficient data. I WILL SUCK AND I WILL BE MISERABLE.
But as much as I hate subjecting myself to the physical pain and social humiliation of trying new activities, I hate being the negative whiner even more. It's stupid pride, but I constantly feel compelled to at least try. Maybe just so I can say that I tried? I don't know.
There's also the issue of the gear. I never have the right gear. I used an old, heavy, wooden hand-me-down tennis racket when everyone else had light-weight metal ones. My downhill skiing ensemble was a yellow, red, and black hodge-podge of ugly, borrowed crap. At least when I tried to ski cross-country, I was able to borrow something sassy from my stylish snowboarding friend who's my size.
What do I do now? Do I waste money on gear for an adventure that I'm 99% certain I am going to hate, and then be stuck with it? Or do I try to borrow something so I can suffer the humiliation of wearing/using someone else's crap for the bazillionth time in my life?
I wish I could be one of those people who's confident enough to just say, "I don't do athletic activities, thanks." And move on. But I can't. I can't say it without imagining the listener thinking, "Well, maybe if you did, you wouldn't be so flabby and out of shape, Fatass." You can't tell me no one is thinking that. You've thought it at least once, I bet.
At this point, the invitation is on the table: to board or not to board. That is the question. We need to commit, like, today in order to reserve the room.
Do I succumb to my fear and past trauma and take a pass? Or do I push past one more time, try one more new thing, and get my ass kicked again? That, my friends, is the REAL question.
No, really. I want your opinion.
I've been invited to go with a group to Mammoth next month. Get a hotel for a couple nights, hang out and drink & such, and, of course, do some snowboarding. Seems fun, right? First, let's take a closer look at what "snowboarding" will actually mean to me, aside from some beginner lessons and a lot of falling down.
I am not athletic. At ALL. I never have been. As a kid I used to ride my bike around, play a little tennis and, being a Hoosier, play a little basketball. I also ran track for, like, a week. That said, I can hit about 50% of the shots I take, but I never really could run & dribble at the same time. "Tennis" was actually me and my friend Stephanie running all over the damn court hitting whatever we could no matter how many times it bounced or how out of bounds it was. I never learned to serve overhand. Track was a joke - you can only get last place (by a lot) so many times before you get tired of your team mates calling you "Minute Maid," and quit. And when I try to ride a bike these days, my knees hurt inside of 5 minutes.
I don't run, I don't jump, and I don't play in any kind of athletic way. The only exercise I get is the hateful, forced variety that I impose upon myself because I'm trying desperately to reduce the mass of my ass. I consider this to be torture, despite having tried all varieties, both at home and the gym.
The last time I went on a hike, I got so dizzy I almost passed out and scraped the shit out of my shin and by the way, I still have a really ugly scar from it and it was almost a month ago.
I've tried downhill skiing. It took me 2 1/2 hours to get down a green slope and I wanted to cry and shove one of those god-awful robot boots right up my so-called "friends" asses one by one for convincing me it would be fun.
I've tried cross-country skiing--what a miserable fucking day that was. I never got the hang of it, so mostly I was moving forward inches at a time, sweating my ass off in the cold (go figure that one), slowing down the group and basically feeling like a loser all day. Thank god I at least had mAc on that trip to entertain me, although the poor guy got an earful and a half after I fell through a particularly nasty patch of icy snow.
I've tried snorkeling and "snuba" diving (a cross between snorkeling and scuba, but I'm sure you figured that out on your own). That was actually really nice and the snuba instructor told both mAc and me that we were fairly natural at it. Mind you, that was in Maui, so I doubt it's an experience I could replicate in the cold, polluted waters of southern California's Pacific, even if I wanted to.
I feel like I've tried a lot, you know? Hell, I even joined my company's softball team in 2003 knowing all of this about myself, and I practiced throwing and catching and hitting and I even got a little better.... but I hated every game. No one wants to be the loser that drags the team down. So that was that.
So what the heck was I thinking when I said I'd be interested to try snowboarding? It's cold and slippery and everyone who learns falls down all the time when they first start: ALL THINGS I HATE. Plus, I'll suck at it. I don't think I'm being negative when I say that; I have sufficient data. I WILL SUCK AND I WILL BE MISERABLE.
But as much as I hate subjecting myself to the physical pain and social humiliation of trying new activities, I hate being the negative whiner even more. It's stupid pride, but I constantly feel compelled to at least try. Maybe just so I can say that I tried? I don't know.
There's also the issue of the gear. I never have the right gear. I used an old, heavy, wooden hand-me-down tennis racket when everyone else had light-weight metal ones. My downhill skiing ensemble was a yellow, red, and black hodge-podge of ugly, borrowed crap. At least when I tried to ski cross-country, I was able to borrow something sassy from my stylish snowboarding friend who's my size.
What do I do now? Do I waste money on gear for an adventure that I'm 99% certain I am going to hate, and then be stuck with it? Or do I try to borrow something so I can suffer the humiliation of wearing/using someone else's crap for the bazillionth time in my life?
I wish I could be one of those people who's confident enough to just say, "I don't do athletic activities, thanks." And move on. But I can't. I can't say it without imagining the listener thinking, "Well, maybe if you did, you wouldn't be so flabby and out of shape, Fatass." You can't tell me no one is thinking that. You've thought it at least once, I bet.
At this point, the invitation is on the table: to board or not to board. That is the question. We need to commit, like, today in order to reserve the room.
Do I succumb to my fear and past trauma and take a pass? Or do I push past one more time, try one more new thing, and get my ass kicked again? That, my friends, is the REAL question.
No, really. I want your opinion.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
What a freaking drama queen
You don't know. Unless you get them, you don't know.
Mine start with seeing spots, or what's called an "aura." Hang upside down for awhile, then get up really fast. The black, spotty fog clouding your vision? That's what I see. For about 20 - 30 minutes. This is when I usually take something, and it usually curbs the pain. Sometimes, I'm not so lucky.
Like today, for instance.
If I'm not lucky, the spots are followed by waves of dizziness and nausea. And the lights have to go out and the music has to turn off and the phone has to be turned down because lights feel like daggers in my eyes and everything sounds like it's been turned up to 11. If I'm home, this is a good time to just go to bed.
If, like today, I'm at the office and have no way of getting home (drive like this? No, thank you), this is when I'll shut the door like I'm about to hop on a 4-hour conference call and pray no one disturbs me. Then I'll curl up on the floor, weep quietly and wait for the sweet release of sleep.
The pain itself is really special. Imagine you have the worst hangover you've ever had, only this time you've decided to take a small, rubber stocking cap and shove your hungover head into it, clench your teeth like you really mean it, then bang your head against a wall for good measure. I've never actually done this (nor do I know where one could find a rubber stocking cap), but I bet that would come pretty close to a migraine. If, of course, the resulting pain lasted for about 3 hours and wiped you out for the rest of the day.
That said, unless you're a migraine sufferer, you don't know. Nor will you ever. The worst headache you've ever had doesn't compare.
And before you ask, yes, I've talked to my doctor. Yes, I've investigated the prescriptions. Yes, I've read the books and I've probably done whatever else you would like me to do so my blinding headaches are less inconvenient for you.
Oh, that's not what you meant? Well, that's how it feels sometimes. Sometimes, I don't tell people when I get them, because it's embarrassing. I hate being the invalid, the "migraine sufferer," the person with the problem. Or else I'm just sick of feeling defensive about my pain, my treatment of it, and my (personal) medical reasons for why this is the treatment I use. Even if the questions are meant to be helpful, I just hate talking about it with people who don't get it, period. It's just easier sometimes to shut my door, hope no one asks, and sneak out early after the 8th Excedrin Migraine allows me to drive. Because I can't take the questions and, what's more, I can't take the looks I get that say,
"She's faking. It's not that bad. She could just take something. Why doesn't she just go to the doctor and fix it? Why is she so lazy? Does she like suffering? She's probably not even in that much pain. She's probably just in there sleeping off a hangover. What a freaking drama queen."
To which I can only say, you don't know, nor, if you're lucky, will you ever. Now shut up and let me sleep.
Mine start with seeing spots, or what's called an "aura." Hang upside down for awhile, then get up really fast. The black, spotty fog clouding your vision? That's what I see. For about 20 - 30 minutes. This is when I usually take something, and it usually curbs the pain. Sometimes, I'm not so lucky.
Like today, for instance.
If I'm not lucky, the spots are followed by waves of dizziness and nausea. And the lights have to go out and the music has to turn off and the phone has to be turned down because lights feel like daggers in my eyes and everything sounds like it's been turned up to 11. If I'm home, this is a good time to just go to bed.
If, like today, I'm at the office and have no way of getting home (drive like this? No, thank you), this is when I'll shut the door like I'm about to hop on a 4-hour conference call and pray no one disturbs me. Then I'll curl up on the floor, weep quietly and wait for the sweet release of sleep.
The pain itself is really special. Imagine you have the worst hangover you've ever had, only this time you've decided to take a small, rubber stocking cap and shove your hungover head into it, clench your teeth like you really mean it, then bang your head against a wall for good measure. I've never actually done this (nor do I know where one could find a rubber stocking cap), but I bet that would come pretty close to a migraine. If, of course, the resulting pain lasted for about 3 hours and wiped you out for the rest of the day.
That said, unless you're a migraine sufferer, you don't know. Nor will you ever. The worst headache you've ever had doesn't compare.
And before you ask, yes, I've talked to my doctor. Yes, I've investigated the prescriptions. Yes, I've read the books and I've probably done whatever else you would like me to do so my blinding headaches are less inconvenient for you.
Oh, that's not what you meant? Well, that's how it feels sometimes. Sometimes, I don't tell people when I get them, because it's embarrassing. I hate being the invalid, the "migraine sufferer," the person with the problem. Or else I'm just sick of feeling defensive about my pain, my treatment of it, and my (personal) medical reasons for why this is the treatment I use. Even if the questions are meant to be helpful, I just hate talking about it with people who don't get it, period. It's just easier sometimes to shut my door, hope no one asks, and sneak out early after the 8th Excedrin Migraine allows me to drive. Because I can't take the questions and, what's more, I can't take the looks I get that say,
"She's faking. It's not that bad. She could just take something. Why doesn't she just go to the doctor and fix it? Why is she so lazy? Does she like suffering? She's probably not even in that much pain. She's probably just in there sleeping off a hangover. What a freaking drama queen."
To which I can only say, you don't know, nor, if you're lucky, will you ever. Now shut up and let me sleep.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Look out!
We have a license to . . . marry. Okay, so it's not as dangerous as a license to kill (although in the wrong hands, Britney), and not as Corey as a license to drive. But we have one. Because the really fun thing about getting married is the paperwork.
In other news, I've lost 6 pounds over the last month and over an inch in the circumference of my waist, hips, butt, etc. All because I discovered a fabulous new way to reduce the mass of my ass. Goes like this: eat less crap, eat more vegetables, exercise 3 - 4 times a week. What? That's not new? Just me, then? Oh well. But hey, it works!
Finally, I desperately want these
but in a lower heel and in a less retarded price range. Still, I had to share, because looky! How pretty!
Ah, Choo.
In other news, I've lost 6 pounds over the last month and over an inch in the circumference of my waist, hips, butt, etc. All because I discovered a fabulous new way to reduce the mass of my ass. Goes like this: eat less crap, eat more vegetables, exercise 3 - 4 times a week. What? That's not new? Just me, then? Oh well. But hey, it works!
Finally, I desperately want these
but in a lower heel and in a less retarded price range. Still, I had to share, because looky! How pretty!
Ah, Choo.
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