Moms are TOTALLY embarrassing!

Look. All of the bitching about Moms on Facebook has got to stop. I just watched a video of a dude who outlined an entire PowerPoint presentation for dealing with Moms on Facebook that ended with this nugget:

According to him (and you can watch the video here), more people are searching for ways to deal with their Moms on Facebook than are searching for ways to Find God.

So here's my solution for how to deal with Moms on Facebook:
GET OVER IT.

But! What about my PRIVACY?!?!?
In case you weren't aware, Facebook is on the Internet, dummy. It's public. You HAVE NO PRIVACY on the Internet.

Once you start putting your life online, your mom is not the only one who can see what you're up to and judge you for it. There are, in fact, entire sites dedicated to calling out dumb-ass behavior on Facebook. Just one example of someone looking you up online: future employers. It is a FACT that companies can and will choose whether or not to hire you based on what they find about you online.

Also, here's a revelation--you don't actually WANT privacy. If you wanted privacy, you would un-tag or delete those embarrassing pictures, you wouldn't air out your relationship problems in your damn status update, and you wouldn't tell the world about every minute detail of your life.

What you want is ATTENTION. It's not entirely your fault--our society rewards the famous more than anyone else, even those who gain notoriety for being complete and utter dumb shits. You want that too, and that's okay. But all those famous people also have parents, and have had no choice but to accept a more open relationship with them. Loss of privacy is a trade off and consequence of increased fame and attention. You want one, you get the other, period.

But! I can't be MYSELF!
Sure you can. This is only really a problem if
A) Being yourself involves being a complete and total douche bag
B) You lie to your parents on a regular basis and have a crappy relationship
or C) Your parents have had every other thought and experience in their lives surgically removed from their brains except for all of their lovely memories of YOU.

Let's start with C)
When I learned that my mom had discovered my blog, I had a small moment of panic and gasped, "But I swear on my blog!" And then I rolled my eyes at myself and GOT OVER IT because guess what? Mom has read, heard, and even uttered curse words before. I know, SHOCKING, right?

One of my favorite examples of living life publicly for all to see, including Mom, is Dooce. Here is a woman who talks about everything from hemorrhoids to duck farts in her blog and in person, and if you read her awesome and highly detailed story of the birth of her second daughter, you will note that she was in so much pain she was screaming profanities right in front of her very own darling mother. And her mom remained unphased.

You know why? Our parents have heard it all before. They had whole entire LIVES before we even showed up. Your parents did all kinds of stuff before you were born, and here's a real shocker: some of them still do! The idea that your mom has nothing better to do than wash your clothes and stalk you on the Internet is stupid.

As for B) Quit lying to your parents. If you are making adult decisions and enjoying the fun and freedom of adult behavior, then it is time to have an adult relationship with your parents. With or without Facebook, they probably know or at least assume you're making some dumb choices anyway, and they probably still like you just fine.

One of my favorite stories of a mother-son relationship is this one: A guy I know went to college and fully rebelled against many of the rules of his loving, yet conservative, upbringing. When his mom came to visit him at school, he took her to lunch, sat her down and said, "Mom. I have to tell you something. I drink. I smoke. I have tattoos. And I'm no longer going to church."

First of all, she was relieved because she thought he was going to tell her he'd gotten someone pregnant, which I just think is funny. Then she responded, "I do wish you'd go to church. But you REALLY shouldn't smoke." Which, hi, she's totally right--smoking is really bad for you.

The point is, she didn't lose her mind over what turned out to be a fairly small revelation about her son. In fact, there is a lot of value to being honest with your parents, especially as an adult. I recognize and respect that not everyone has loving parents who want the best for them, and those situations should be handled differently. But if your parents DO love you and want the best for you, and you're lying to them anyway? Knock it off.

Finally, A) Easy solution: Quit acting like a total douche bag.

If you're all weirded out or even ashamed by the idea of your mom finding out about your behavior, then I'd like to take a moment to congratulate your mom for raising you right. That means that that nagging voice in the back of your head telling you not to do that stupid thing? That's your MOM. That voice is trying to save you from yourself. Maybe instead of worrying about what she'll think of you when she finds out, you should LISTEN TO HER.

But! My mom is EMBARRASSING ME!

First of all, if you're a teenager: I know right?? Moms are TOTALLY embarrassing! It's like it's their JOB or something. GOD.

Now, if you are NOT a teenager: Oh, honey. You have a mom who wants to be involved in your life, who cares about how you're doing, and has fond memories of your childhood with pictures to back it up? That's... awesome. No, really. Have you seen Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire? Or met anyone outside of your own little world who didn't grow up exactly like you did? Because not all moms and dads care that much, dude. Some of them suck, mightily. Some people don't even HAVE moms, how sad is that? If you have a mom, and she's still around, and she doesn't suck, maybe you should take a minute to be grateful. (Yes, I realize I just sounded JUST LIKE HER just then. No, I am not your mom writing this in disguise. Or a mom at all, in fact. I'm just someone who is lucky and knows it.)

Also, check this out--all your friends? That you're worried about impressing with your cool, unsupervised life? They also have moms (again, if they're lucky). They know what it is to be embarrassed. What a fun thing to share, have in common, and laugh about. I mean, you do have a sense of humor, right?

But! But!
You have officially run out of buts. (Heh. "Butts.") Your mom being on Facebook does not actually mean that your life is over. There is officially nothing left to do, but get over it. Either live your life publicly on the Internet exactly the way you want, with no limits, and accept that your parents can see it and might not approve. Or accept that what you put online is entirely public and maybe should have some limits.

Live your life on the Internet as though your mom can see it, and make choices about what you share with the whole damn world accordingly. Isn't that what we should all be doing anyway?

It's a weird world

Last update April 3. My goodness.

I've started to wonder if my life is really happening if I'm not posting about it on Twitter/Facebook. I just spent 45 minutes reading all my people's updates on Facebook from the weekend (300+ people, 3 days worth of updates) and actually felt bad that I didn't post something for Mother's Day. I called my mom, and sent her a present and a card that showed up ON TIME for once. Is it enough if I didn't post it on Facebook too? It's a weird world we live in these days.

I haven't been blogging in months mostly because I've been very short on time. Also because as I've been sitting here trying to compose my thoughts, I forget what I was going to write just as soon as it pops into my head. Let's assume it was brilliant, shall we?

This past weekend we celebrated the 2-year anniversary of our company, Click Communications. When Mac and I started this gig, it was just the two of us and our one client. Today we still have that client, as well as two others, as well as 6 full-time employees, 3 part-time contractors, and 2 advisory board members. Our press list, and the strength of the relationships that go with it, has more than doubled. I feel anxious sharing our success because I constantly feel, every second, that there's still SO MUCH MORE TO DO. Do more! Be better! But we'll get there, and in the meantime, I feel very lucky and grateful to see our hard work pay off this way. There are many hard-working people in our country right now who are not enjoying as much success, and we will not take this for granted.

We celebrated with a party here at the house on Saturday, a day that started with coffee and watching Friday's Dollhouse finale. [Sidebar: Friday we were discussing Dollhouse with our friends, and I said to Mac, "Remember that episode that got all surreal and rapey?" His response: "You mean all of them?" I'm intrigued by this show, but he's not wrong, and it bums me out. I love a Joss Project, but I'd prefer to see his next one with a little less rape. Is that too much to ask from the guy who's all, "I'll quit writing strong female characters when everyone keeps asking me WHY I write strong female characters"? I think not.] The party was a fabulous success, which I say myself because I know we could not have pulled it off without Mac's sister, our dear friends visiting from Seattle, and our rock star staff helping set it up and make everything go smoothly. The night ended with me getting a face full of veggie burger juice, which made me very cranky, and also made me realize A) throwing a party for 10+ hours after two weeks of Work Insanity is Exhausting, and B) sobering up and cleaning while your friends are still drunk & partying is no fun. I think the solution is maybe to stay drunk? A theory to test at the next party, perhaps.

In other news, Captain Awesome has a gimpy leg from jumping on the fence trying to catch squirrels/our neighbors and has been limping around for a week. I thought it would heal on its own but it hasn't, and it just breaks my heart and I'm taking him to the vet today. Both of our dogs have been extra cuddly and clingy lately, I think because of our recent Hawaii trip. I would take them with us if I could. Penny would love chasing geckos.

Now that I'm thinking of taking Captain to the vet, I'm reminded of preparations I need to make for a meeting tomorrow morning, and all this other work I have to do. I think I'm a little rusty at the blogging, but I think I could fit it back into my life. This took 15 minutes to write, as opposed to the 45 I spent on Facebook, which is supposed to take less time. It's a weird world we live in these days.

I actually accomplished a lot

I'm currently enjoying our New Year's Day tradition of Egg Dish and horror movies with good friends. Since I don't love horror movies, I thought I'd get caught up on the past year at the same time. To say 2008 was busy would be a ridiculous understatement. I actually accomplished a lot of the stuff I wanted to do, including:

• Run a mile.
  
• Visit the San Diego Zoo
  
• Take the dogs for walks in Runyon Canyon and Fryman Canyon
  
• Plant a tree in our front yard
• Present a full-on summer season of Tiki Theater
• Grow my hair past my shoulders

Not too many bullets off my ambitious list, but let's see what else I did, and what else happened, shall we?


Threw our most kick-ass Oscar party yet in February.


Saw the dogs get cuter, and eat the eyes out of a bee.


Rocked St. Pat's with my favorite Scorpios.


Hiked up Runyon Canyon with Amy & Chip on Easter Morning.


Went to Medieval Times for the first time.


Bought my first bike in many, many years.


Went on a fabulous Hawaiian vacation; swam laps in this body of water.


Watched the dogs get even cuter.


Celebrated the one-year anniversary of Click.


Became a triathlete.


Enjoyed Minnesota in summertime, visiting Amy & Chip over 4th of July weekend.


Celebrated nephew Rusty's 1st birthday in Santa Barbara with the entire McLean clan.


Watched my little family get even cuter.


Met Mia Michaels.


Went to San Diego Comic Con for the first time, followed by a trip to the San Diego Zoo. (Got Nerd Flu.)


Celebrated Kristin & Mark's marriage with good friends outside of Boston.


Reunited with my UNC Crew in Greeley Colorado; danced and danced.


Ate a delicious peach from Mom's tree in her backyard. (Also went to my first water aerobics class.)


Threw a Valley Girl Slumber Party Bridal Shower for Amanda, and had attendees do 80's makeovers for fabulous prizes.


Bridesmaided for my dear friends, once in September, once in October. Thanked God my friends have lovely taste in bridesmaid dresses.


Worked my ass off, rubbed shoulders with celebs, and pissed off Victor Garber at the Runway for Life event.


Threw the Halloween Cocktail Party I've wanted to throw, oh, forever; discovered black vodka.


Met one of the funniest women alive, Amy Sedaris.


Voted in one of the most important elections of our lifetime; wept with joy on Election Night.


Gardened! I finally populated the little garden in front of our house with herbs and flowers, I planted three rose bushes, and we had a tree planted in the front yard.


Learned how to weave a lattice pie crust and baked the world's most beautiful (and delicious) apple pie for Thanksgiving.


Bought the prettiest white winter coat just before our trip to Seattle, where we got to see some fabulous friends, and got a truckload of great business accomplished. (Also, note how long hair has gotten!)


Took formal family portraits with the McLeans at Sears.


Sent out beautiful Click holiday cards to our clients and press.


Enjoyed a lovely, low-key Christmas in Santa Barbara.


And, finally, watched the dogs get even cuter.

I'm a mess. Ho ho ho.

It's been almost a month since my last entry, so first I'll do a quick list of bullets of what we've been up to, for those of you keeping track of my life (ahem, Mom). Then we can talk holidays.

Thanksgiving 08: What a fantastic holiday. We hosted members of our "chosen family" at the house this year, and it was just wonderful. My friend Tony the Chef did the most amazing things to our turkey--brining in brandy, shoving garlic & rosemary under the skin next to the meat, stuffing with apples and oranges. It was one of the most moist and delicious turkeys I've ever tasted. All of our friends brought delicious sides and snacks, actually, because they are classy like that. For my part, I baked 2 loaves of dill bread and 3 pies: pumpkin, pecan, and apple with a lattice-top crust. I hope to get caught up on photos over the next week or so, but suffice to say they all came out gorgeous! Good food, good wine, great friends--GREAT holiday.

Seattle Trip: The first week in December Mac and I went to Seattle to visit friends, do some business, and enjoy some proper chilly weather. Not that I'm complaining about our fabulous SoCal weather, but it's hard to get into the holiday spirit when it won't stop being 80 degrees outside (the weather has since changed, thankfully). This trip was PACKED, and as usual we ran out of time before we got to do everything or see everyone. We got a lot of great business done, striking up some fun partnerships and strengthening our Seattle press relationships. We got to see some of our favorite people on the planet. And we ATE. Oh, my God, we ate our way through that city. Someday I'm going to write the Mac & Dinah Guide to Seattle, with a list of must-sees, must-dos and must-eats. The newest revelation was The Black Bottle in Belltown. YUM.

Family Portrait Time: Yet another separate blog post in the making, we took family portraits with Mac's family at Sears the second weekend in December. We wore coordinated outfits and posed uncomfortably (at one point I was laying on my stomach). Mac's family all look happy and natural in all of these photos. I look like a robot.

Which, okay, I'm actually checking my calendar to remember what all we've done this month. We took the LA division of our awesome staff out to a holiday dinner, after video chatting with Scott and his lovely wife. The whole team chipped in and got us a Wii Fit. I'm choosing not to take this as a personal commentary on my need to lose weight, but as an amazingly intuitive and thoughtful present that we actually had every intention of buying for ourselves. They also got us a game that you play with your butt. Awesome. Seriously, we employ the best people on the planet.

We also hosted a holiday party for one of our clients, which went off perfectly and inspired a separate blog I need to write about throwing parties. Because, for real, I pulled that thing together in about a day, had tasks for everyone to help me with, and did the whole thing BEAUTIFULLY and under budget. I'm not bragging; I'm just good.

Everything else has just been a mad scramble to get prepared for the holidays. I always stress out about Christmas, every year. What do I get? Is it too much, not enough? Why do I put it off every year? Christmas cards still haven't gone out--it might be a New Year's/Wrap Up card this year. Plus I'd love to do a "Best of 2008" mix... but I never even finished or mailed out my Summer 08 mix. Oh, I'm a mess. Ho ho ho.

So that brings me up to date. The checklist of future blogs I just mentioned includes: photos, Seattle guide, family portraits, how to throw a fabulous party, and Best of 2008 mix. Yeah, we'll see.

Thanks for checking back on me, even though I haven't been updating. I appreciate everyone who reads Puffpiece, and hope you're all enjoying a fabulous holiday season!!

vote FOR equality

Two things in today's blog. 1) I met Amy Sedaris and 2) I am deeply concerned about a growing movement of hate, ignorance and intolerance in my state of California.

I will address the second first, and then finish off with the cute story.

Many of my dearest, most beloved friends got married this year.

Kristin & Mark


Amanda & Eyad


Anna & Ted


Ryan & Chris


I found out today that support FOR Proposition 8--a measure that would amend the California constitution to ban marriage for same sex couples--has actually grown. It's actually ahead in the polls.

I can't even believe it. I thought it would get a sound smackdown, and I'd just find myself feeling sorry for that percent of my state that is so filled with hate and fear in their hearts that they would misguidedly vote for such a measure.

The thing is, they've launched this huge advertising and grassroots campaign that claims all kinds of nonsense. They actually believe that if we allow couples like Chris and Ryan to get married, it poses some kind of threat to their values and their way of life. They've even suggested that it will somehow affect kids in school, or something? It's ridiculous.

The Huffington Post/RADAR posted a sample of this kind of outreach, along with a point-by-point response to all their ridiculous claims, so I don't really need to get into that here. The California Superintendent of Schools also did a great job of rebuffing the latest attack.

The biggest concern now, 11 days away from from the election, is making sure they have enough funds to reach the voters of California and make sure they understand that voting AGAINST Prop 8 is a vote FOR equality.

For Kristin & Mark, Amanda & Eyad, and Anna & Ted, I got them a wedding present off their registry. Ryan and Chris told us specifically, "We have too much stuff--no presents!" So instead, I'd like to do this for them: all of you who would like to protect civil rights and the right for everyone to marry in California, please donate whatever you can to No on Prop 8. You might not get a thank you card, but you will get a nice warm fuzzy knowing that you've contributed to California couples in love, who deserve the same civil rights as anyone else.

Now for the cute story: I went to a book signing for Amy Sedaris last night where she did a Q & A with the audience (always awkward, I hate them), a woman actually asked her to cut her hair (Amy: "Um. When was the last time you washed it?") and she did, and then signed copies of her fantastic book, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence. My friend Dre was kind enough to snap a picture of us together, so I walked behind the table, stood next to her, and here's what happened next:
Dre: Wait a minute, I have to take another one, your eyes were closed.
Amy: Mine?
Dre: No, Dinah's.
Amy: Bitch.

ONLY Amy Sedaris gets to call me a bitch and make me love her even more.

no time for a thousand words

Getting back to the gym and staying focused post-triathlon has been super hard. I need another goal. The margarita I had with lunch today probably isn't helping either. *Ahem.*

When we got back from Austin I was hoping for at least a week to just work slowly and bask in my accomplishment. As it turned out, work had other plans. We've been really, really busy, but in the best possible way. Most of the time, at least. Some days are harder than others. Lots of days end with client/press functions, which is super-fun, of course, but not good for the diet, or for after-work gym time.

In other news, I have a lot of Gemini friends, evidently. I celebrated happy birthdays with Roger, Chris and Amanda this past week. I also baked my first cherry pie. And you know what? I'm tired and have no time for a thousand words, so let's do this instead:

We went to the zoo with Mac's sister and her family.


Roger's birthday was 50's-themed. I had all the clothes for an accurate ensemble just hanging in my closet.


I went dancing for the first time in ages on Saturday night. I did NOT have an outfit for this, so I bought this dress. And then tested it out. (It worked beautifully.)


I made this from scratch.

all over the map

Today is a very Seattle day here in Los Angeles. The air is cool, the sky is gray, the ground is wet. It makes me want to listen to 90's grunge music and drink coffee. I love it.

Speaking of things that I love, So You Think You Can Dance is back!* Audition shows are never as great as the top 20 shows, where you get the couples and the choreography and the group performances. BUT I still really love them because these are the episodes where you really get to see the breakers and poppers do what they're best at. They'll usually show you the whole performance of the really good ones, and it's such a treat.

In totally unrelated news, I just wanted to congratulate my friends JL and Kyann on the adoption of their baby girl! She looks like an absolute angel, and she's already getting used to having her photog pop take all kinds of pictures and video of her. She even has her own blog. We're definitely at that age where more and more of our friends are having kids, and I think it's super awesome that JL & Ky have taken the adoption route towards starting a family.

This post was all over the map, huh? And with that, I'm off to see Indy!

*If you're wondering, Hey, Dinah, does this mean your blog is going to become "All SYTYCD/Triathlon, All the Time?" Ummmm, yeah. Maybe. Whatever, you love it.

general bad-assery

I should have blogged this a week ago, but straight up? This year's Oscar party was a smash success. (Skip ahead to full-on photo album here.) Our friends Jeff & Erica came down from Seattle and while it was super awesome just to have them here to celebrate with us, they were also amazingly helpful in getting everything set up.

Erica & Jeff, our beloved friends and tireless assistants.

As usual, we decorated with various Oscar things--stars, statues, lots of silver & gold. We rolled out the red carpet and set up every room in the house for maximum viewing enjoyment. Mac pulled strings with his various connections to create some awesome prizes for the runners up in the Oscar betting pool (the winner obviously gets the cash), and Jeff bagged them up beautifully.

The rain threatened to bum out our good time, which we compensated for by putting the outdoor viewing area in the tiki hut and turning on the tv in the garage as well.

As usual, we provided lots of popcorn & movie candy for our guests, as well as a fully-stocked bar and coolers of soda, water and beer.

And the rest of our menu of food, well. It got a little out of control. In the best possible way, but still. You'll have to check Mac's blog for all the super-awesome signs he made for all of these items. I would also like to take this moment to give mad props to Jeff and Amanda, without whose cleverness we wouldn't have some of these punny masterpieces.

Here is this year's Oscar Party Menu:
Cocktails
There Will Be Bloody Marys
Funch (A recipe we created way back when Will Smith was nominated for Ali, named thus by our friend Therese who says, "It's fun, and it's punch--it's Funch!")


Hors d’Oeuvres
Ratatouille - The deconstructed ratatouille from the movie, served atop crostini with a small dollop of soft goat cheese.

Michael Bacon-Wrapped Dates
Pirates of the Caribbean Dip - My crowd-pleasing 7-layer dip
No Cornbread for Old Men - Texas-style cheesy jalapeno cornbread
La Brie en Rose - Baked brie stuffed with toasted almonds & dried cranberries, wrapped in puffed pastry

American Gang-Stir Fry - Pinged for time, but still a super clever name
Surf & Turf's Up - Trader Joe's frozen mini crab cakes and marinated & grilled skirt steak skewers
Juno's Cravings - Sliders, (White Castle cheeseburgers from the frozen food section of the grocer!), pickles, and orange Tic Tacs

Même les Poulet vont au Enfir (Even Chickens Go To Hell) - Buffalo Wings
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Curly Fries
The Golden Quiches
Weenie Todd The Demon Barber of Meat Street - L'il smokies in grape jelly bbq sauce and a platter of gourmet cured meats
Prawn Baby Prawn - Cocktail shrimp
Norbits - Crudités
3:10 to Yummy - Cheese platter

The Popcourne Ultimatum

Dessert
Atonemint Chocolate Chip Cookies
The Diving Bell and the Butterscotch Cookies
Enchanted Apples - With caramel dip


Mad baking skillz. I haz dem.

And, of course, I also baked Oscar-shaped sugar cookies that Erica painstakingly packaged up into party favors for everyone to take home.


How do I do all of this, you ask? Well, I'm a little crazy, which helps. I have an awesome husband who is as committed to general bad-assery and also topping last year's party as I am. I also have a mighty spreadsheet to guide along Mac, me, and anyone generous/foolish enough to help us.


And then there are the results, which totally pay off all of our hard work. It's worth it knowing that our friends have an awesome time and walk away feeling like the party was really fun, even on those years when the Oscars themselves lack their usual luster.


I'm even starting to think about plans for next year's party already. Starting with hiring a caterer.