help heal their sad hearts a little

I wasn't going to blog tonight's results show, as I'm tired and have a 4-hour-old headache and it's been a hell of a long day, and I just wanted to watch the dancing and enjoy myself.

But then I saw what Cat Deeley was wearing, and couldn't help myself. You may now take your pick from the following jokes/blog-openers:

A) It's just so nice of Cat to squeeze in her hosting duties before that swingin' key party she's clearly going to later.

B) The show opens in 1975, where Cat is delighted to find herself at the height of fashion.

C) Cat is trying hard to endear herself to women who don't possess her lean, leggy frame by wearing the world's most hideous and unflattering black and white jumpsuit ever.

D) OMG JUMPSUIT.

Okay I'm done. (And yes, I realize the hair & outfit were probably an homage, but that doesn't make a jumpsuit okay. An homage with a dress would have been much better.) We now return to our regularly scheduled spicy Latin group dance number, complete with... Wet. Wet? There are women dancing in puddles on tables, or something. It's a little over the top, y'all.

We immediately move from the group number to an announcement from Nigel and I already know what's coming, and so do you. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson. Nigel does a nice classy job of remembering all three of them, especially Michael Jackson. And everyone in the world (especially on Twitter) is saying all there is to say about these losses and I have nothing astute to add, except that I'm already blogging so I'll just say this: Regardless of the jokes about the surgery and Neverland and whatever else we've all said or thought about MJ at some point, at the end of a man's life you find you look at the whole of it, and the fact is, that Michael Jackson irrefutably changed pop music and the world of dance for the better in his lifetime. His contributions and inspiration to fans, musicians, and dancers everywhere should indeed be celebrated, and I'm glad they're taking a moment here to do that.

Also: I was going to do this anyway this year, but now I'm more committed than ever. Who's with me?

Moving on with the show, it's results time. I predicted Karla & Jonathan, Asuka & Vitolio, and Caitlin & Jason. I also tried to vote, I honestly did, but the lines were busy, and after 10 calls I'd exhausted my inner tween girl's dialing stamina and decided to just hope for the best. As Cat reads the results, which are exactly as I predicted, I find myself smiling at her kindness again, some more, as she encourages the bottom three couples to dance their little asses off in their solos and wishes them luck. She's just the best, isn't she? Being all sweet, and then just DYING over the guest dancers? And how she says THE RAGE BOYS CREW? Love her.

Also, there is really nothing cuter than little little b-boys breaking. There just isn't. Oh, my god, y'all. So freaking rad. Super cute Cat Deeley + Super cute Rage Boys Crew is exactly what the world of dance needed tonight to help heal their sad hearts a little bit, and I just love it.

After all that it's solo time, and Asuka prances around and reminds me that I'd love it so much if the girls of the dance world could stop ending their dances with that "sexy hand sweep over the hair" bit they do. You know the one I mean. OVER IT, LADIES.

Vitolio, on the other hand, truly looks like he's dancing for his life and is amazing. A.Maz.Ing. Karla's solo is inventive and kind of fun, and I get the impression again that we're just getting to know her, and the extent of her talent.

Jonathan, I'm over. His solo is Asuka's prancing plus some acrobatics. Caitlin also pulls the acrobatic tricks out of her hat, as well as a touch of delicacy that I did not know she possessed, which is nice. And Jason's choreography impresses me again, as well as his technique. By the end of the solos, I feel like I'm still intrigued by Karla and Vitolio, I feel like Caitlin and Jason still have some growing to do, and like Asuka and Jonathan are just doing the same old same old.

While the judges deliberate, I wonder if The Veronicas used the same time machine Cat used to get her jumpsuit from 1975 to get their act from 1985. Didn't they play the prom in Valley Girl? No, wait, that was the far superior Josie Cotton. Risky move, ladies, trying pull that off with Toni Basil in the house.

A few clicks of the remote forward and it's results time. Asuka is gone, with Nigel basically saying exactly what I just said, that she's no longer growing as a dancer on the show. With the boys Nigel draws it out, and it breaks my heart to watch Jason take his critique, because all I can remember is how much he LOVES Michael Jackson--remember the little bit of him dancing to him as a cute little boy??--and how devastated he must be today, maybe even more than the other guys. But Nigel finally tells him that he's safe, tells Vitolio that he's safe, and tells Jonathan that he's leaving.

Wow. Spot-on predictions and exactly what I wanted as well. Surely they're not just pandering this week after pissing us off last week, hmm? Like I can stay mad at this show that I love anyway.