from Hot Shit, to oh, crap

Don't let anyone fool you. Starting a new business is hard like Christmas*. Working from home, while enjoyable, has all kinds of interesting challenges. Hustling new business, then trying to figure out how you're going to manage the business you've secured, is both painful and exhilarating. Managing the operations--the budget, the benefits, the banking--is tedious and trying. Figuring out roles when the players are husband and wife, and both people need to try to teach each other and learn from each other at the same time is like embarking on a whole new relationship, all over again. Learning a new industry while trying to balance all of this is an awesome way to freak yourself right out.

Would I go back and do things differently? Hell NO. This is the most strenuous path of Self Discovery I've ever forced myself to traverse. But still. Every day I'm helping myself to a big ol' slice of Humble Pie, while convincing our clients our agency is a one-way ticket to Awesome Town. I'm just saying: this endeavor is not for the faint of heart.

Professionally, I'm good at a lot of things. In fact, I've come to appreciate things I was really good at in my role at Ticketmaster, that I took for granted when I was there. Like, I'm good at learning the players in any given situation, noodling out what motivates them, and figuring out solutions that can satisfy just about everyone with a minimum of, you know, pissing every one off. I used to think these feats of diplomacy and finesse were annoyances in my day; I've come to realize they were a big part of my job, and I did it really well.

I'd also worked my way up to a fairly Big Fish status at a company that doesn't have very many Big Fish opportunities. Ticketmaster doesn't hand out Director titles like candy, but I had one. I'd be lying if I said everyone loved me, but my region's numbers were solid, year over year, and I set a high standard of excellence to those I was charged with leading. There were those I worked with who, for whatever reason, tried to keep me down or make me feel like I was Less Than. That's an unhealthy way to work and one of the reasons I was fine with leaving. But mostly, I was Hot Shit at Ticketmaster, and I didn't care if no one believed me when I told them, because hi: look at my region's sales and superior promotions. Think whatever you want, I'm taking credit for that.

Today, I don't get credit for being an Entrepreneur! A Business Owner! It's not enough. I have to walk in, say "This is what we're going to do for you, please PAY US." And then? I have to deliver, or they'll leave us for the next new agency. I have to deliver work that, in some cases, I've never done before. I'm learning about streaming video links and digital EPKs, and storing site after site in a stretched out memory bank every day just so I can maximize the coverage my clients get on every DVD they release.

Some of the work is remedial. Some of it is tedious: follow up, follow up, and follow up some more. I went from Hot Shit, to oh, crap: I have to do work I used to give to an entry-level coordinator, and I can't even be a snob about it because I'm still learning.

And yet, I'm surprised every day. With every new thing I learn, I still get to teach something to Mac, or my clients. Very cool. Sometimes, when I've been struggling with something for a week, I'll discover that the client was struggling with it too, and what I've gotten done is actually more than they expected. Groovy. The littlest things have become the biggest thrill. Best of all, when I score a hard-to-get placement and squeal, "YES!" from my desk, Mac runs in and celebrates with me. I didn't have that at the old gig, and it isn't just fun, it's intoxicating.

Most surprising of all, is when I realize that I've put myself in a position of Struggle in my life, once again. I'm not actually a huge fan of Change, but in the last 10 years, I've moved cities twice, thrown myself into 5 different jobs that were just a little out of my reach when I started them, gotten married, adopted pets, bought and renovated a house... all of these things aren't just big, life-changing endeavors, they're freaking WORK, man. They are work, and while they all came with either short or long-term benefits, that doesn't make the struggle any easier.

Then again, all of the moments of struggle in my personal history have yielded huge returns in personal growth. I've learned about myself, and what I can take, and what I can do if pushed just a little further. I've learned about how I relate to my family and friends, and how I can make those relationships better. I don't always apply what I've learned, but hey--odds are good I'll throw myself into the deep end with some other life-changing challenge again before too long, and I can learn to apply it then.

It reminds of my favorite poem, "Ulysses," by Alfred Lord Tennyson. It's a poem I read in high school or college, and it was one of those times when enjoyed just one of many profound impacts that art has had on my life, and my approach to life. It's a really long poem about Ulysses, an aging king who had survived many adventures** and challenges in his life, and found himself in his golden years unwilling to rest and just relax. A couple excerpts, and I'll go (although, seriously, read the whole thing).

"I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethro'
Gleams that untravell'd world whose margin fades
For ever and forever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use!
As tho' to breathe were life!

". . . tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

*This is a saying in the McLean house because of a story one of our Seattle friends told us, in which one of her young, "special" students was struggling to make a Christmas card for her parents, and after messing up her card for the third time pouted, "Christmas is HARD!"

**The Odyssey--ever heard of it?

FINALLY

Today I found out that the Foo Fighters are going to be opening for The Police at their June 23 Dodgers Stadium concert. And who has tickets? Who is also a ginormous Foo Fighters Fan? Who's missed every other show she's tried to attend because they always conflict with shit she can't get out of, like weddings and trips overseas? THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES! I'm so excited. I know, they'll play a short set & all, but I don't care. FINALLY. I get to see my beloved Foo Fighters. And then I get to see The Police!! Prepare for glory!

This one time Dinah was so drunk

I recently sent out a survey to my nearest and dearest in a scientific attempt to discover any truly legendary drunken shenanigans in my past that I may have forgotten. The results are in, and they are conclusive: I am, generally speaking, a really well-behaved drunk who mostly just pukes or passes out after a few too many. From time to time, however, I have my moments. And since I promised to share the results here in my blog, here they are, along with the initial request, for your enjoyment.

THE REQUEST:
"Here's the thing: It's been brought to my attention that I can't think of a time I was ever THAT drunk. You know what I mean? As in,

'This one time, Dinah was so drunk she decided to beat up a sidewalk with her FACE.'

'This one time, Dinah was so drunk she believed herself above the rules of the hotel pool, and just jumped on in with all her clothes on.'

'This one time, Dinah was so drunk she thought it would be an awesome idea to stick her naked ass in a refrigerator.'

Great stories, right? ALL TRUE. Not mine. (You know who you are.) Yeah, I've fallen down once or twice, but sadly I'm just a klutz and do that more sober than I do after I've had a few. A little drunken karaoke? Who hasn't? In recent memory, I can only come up with '... she, very professionally, complimented the producer of Scrubs on the healthy work environment he created on his set,' and '... she convinced her equally drunk Australian friends that she could expertly imitate every American accent imaginable.' YAWN. Mostly, my precious few moments of binge drinking all end the same way: 'And then she threw up/passed out.'

So, here's the deal: You help me remember the good stuff, the true shenanigans, and I will faithfully post your stories to my blog.

THE RESULTS:
"This one time Dinah was so drunk she had a very one sided conversation AT Guy Pearce that went something like '… and Momento. What the f*@K was that about?' Oh hang on, that was me." (Beautiful.)

"Do you remember being completely wasted at my friend Becky's house in Edmonds one night after partying heavily? You threw up more than any food we saw you eat that night, seriously. And then you told us that when CSI showed up later, they should check the dumpster out back for your stomach lining." (Oh, god. I remember this. I really thought I'd barfed up internal organs and was at death's door. Not pretty.)

"I do recall playing strip poker in Andy B's basement, though I'm probably the one who lost a shirt. And my dignity." (Ah, yes. Parties at Andy B's. Good times. And, no. I never lost my shirt.)

"Two words for you pumpkin: Glam Fest! And maybe a few college experiences. Ooh! And the time you ran head first into a glass door! Although that's only funny if you have the eternal mental image of it. I'll elaborate later. You really shouldn't have sent me this email." (God bless old friends to hold onto memories of you at your klutziest, right? Right?)

"I can only remember you dancin' it up no matter how trashed you may have been." (This, my friends, will ALWAYS be true.)

"This one time, Dinah was so drunk at an Umatilla party that she called mAc and fell asleep on the phone." (A variation on the passing out theme, but kind of cute, I think.)

"I can’t remember a time when you weren’t in control of your faculties, my friend. You are a responsible drunk." (Hey, someone's gotta be able to talk to the cops.)

"I cannot think of anything; this is not necessarily a bad thing. So you've lived your life with style and grace, what's the worry?" (Now that I know for sure I haven't forgotten anything? I am worry free!)

"I do remember a walk to 7-11 for chili dogs where we were both fushnuckered and I could not help but mention how straight and even the grass was cut at the apartments in front of Langworthy. I'm sure you did something like laugh at me. But I can't remember." (Maybe this is why my friends all think I'm so responsible... they're always drunker than I am.)

"You are one of those people who can be drunk & be rather inconspicuous about it. I can’t recall a time I ever thought to myself 'Dinah is super drunk.' You should drink more and do stupid stuff much more often." (I promised my friend Amanda, who thinks she's never seen me drunk, to get wasted at her birthday party on the 16th. I'll let you know how I do.)

CONCLUSION:
Odds are, your stories are better than mine, and that's what the Comments section is for. Now, bring on the tequila shots!

the cutest thing I've heard all day

Mac, sitting at his computer working with his headphones on, singing along quietly to Death Cab for Cutie's "Soul Meets Body." It's the cutest thing I've heard all day.

Best. Possible. Result.

Every once in awhile I'll think of something creative or interesting and think, "I should blog that." And then I promptly forget whatever (most certainly brilliant) thing had just popped into my head, wish I had a tape recorder in my pocket or a stenographer to follow me around, and decide to post the results of my latest online quiz instead.

But seriously? Best. Possible. Result. Oh, yeah. I'm a badass.
Your results:
You are Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)
Dependable and trustworthy. You love your significant other and you are a tough cookie when in a conflict.

Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 90% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 75% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 60% Wash (Ship Pilot) 60% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 60% Inara Serra (Companion) 50% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 45% River (Stowaway) 35% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 30% Alliance 30% A Reaver (Cannibal) 5%

Click here to take the Serenity Personality Quiz


(Note: This would make Mac Wash, which. Totally, right?)

Which Firefly/Serenity character are you?

crazy-making time suck

For people visiting my blog for updates on my life, I'm sorry I've been absent. As it turns out, quitting the job you've had for, like, EVER, to start a new company and work from home in a new industry can be somewhat of a crazy-making time suck. I still think that I made the right move, but, well. As I explained to my sister this morning, I left a very secure job that was making me unhappy, to work in a very happy environment, but in a more insecure situation. And that's exactly how it feels.

So that's the short & sweet update before I get back to work. In the meantime,

VOTE PETRELLI!!

Party on, dude!

Alrighty, everyone. Remember when I said I had news? Yeah. I emailed this out to everyone at my company today:

Subject: So long, and thanks for all the fish

Hey everyone,
As many of you know, today's my last day at Ticketmaster after nearly seven years. I'm sad to be leaving a company that's doing such cool things right now; I'm even sadder to be leaving behind some of my favorite people to work with, ever. (Quick shout-out to my West region peeps--you rock!) I am, however, excited to be starting my own company--something I've always wanted to do--and getting back to focusing on the movies I love so much.

I sincerely hope that we can keep in touch, and have listed all my info below. As for all of you here at Ticketmaster, keep kicking all the ass you do. In the immortal words of Bill and Ted: "Be excellent to each other. And party on, dude!"

Best,
D

it is NOT easy to be a teenager

This is going to sound like a commercial, and I don't care.

On Friday Mac & I went to the Step Up Women's Network Inspiration Awards Luncheon. Which, wow, that's a mouthful, huh? Step Up is a really cool organization, though. They do a lot, but primarily focus on helping young girls living in challenging environments (like, say, south central LA) to build their confidence, engage in healthy activities, improve their education, and ultimately go to college. The goal is to break the destructive cycle so many at-risk youths find themselves in today.

While we were there, we saw a row of young teenagers declare they were going to college for all different reasons--and they'd all be the first in their families to do so. We heard from one girl who, although she used to be painfully shy and down on herself, got up in front of a room full of people and unabashedly informed us all that it is NOT easy to be a teenager. Another girl read the essay that won her a college scholarship, in which she talked about how her biological mother chose drugs over her and her two siblings. And her adoptive parents told her that she'd never amount to anything, and probably just end up knocked up and on drugs just like her mother. Her parents. And yet, because of Step Up, she's getting out of that environment, and going to college.

Needless to say, it was an emotional, amazing event. There were some celebrity guest speakers too, but really they weren't nearly as cool as those kids. If you haven't clicked through already, check out their website to see if there are ways you could get involved, and help change a young girl's life for the better!

Interesting

I take a lot of these online quizzes, I rarely post the results. But I've been thinking lately, would I ever go back to school? If I did, what would I study? What if I could have done it over? As it is, I completed my undergrad in 4 years and got a degree in Journalism, from a school that didn't have the best journalism department. By the time I was a junior, I'd figured out that I should have switched to Communications because their classes/profs were better, but that would have extended my overall stay at university and well. No, thank you. I was done after almost 3 years, 4 was pushing my patience. So I stuck with Journalism.

Anyway, I took this quiz. I find the results interesting.

You scored as Dance. You should be a Dance major! Like a lithe ballerina, you dance because you believe there is beauty in expressing the physical form. Dance 100% Journalism 83% Sociology 75% Linguistics 75% Theater 67% Anthropology 58% English 58% Mathematics 58% Biology 58% Philosophy 50% Psychology 50% Art 42% Chemistry 42% Engineering 42% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

The top pick? Is because, of everything they asked me about, Dancing was the one I was like, YES! I love dancing! Which, it's kind of funny. I pretty much took all the dance classes I could in college without becoming an proper athletic dancer/dance major. I'd say it's time to take more dance classes, wouldn't you?

I'M HUNGRY

I wish that I'd gotten all my girls together to go see Music & Lyrics. Every time I listen to the soundtrack I laugh and sing along. It truly is some of the funnest new music ever.

That said, I have started listening to the mixes Amy and Mike made for me. They are absolutely sensational.

Amy's mix is all duets. Depending on my mood, I'll listen to certain tracks on repeat and pretending I'm doing a duet karaoke with one of my guy friends (Mac is not down with The Karaoke). How have I never had the Iggy Pop/Kate Pierson classic "Candy" in my collection until now? I don't know, but I'm in love. Also, this band Faux Jean that Amy's put on a couple mixes for me is absolutely fabulous. I think they're local to Minnesota, but they should be big nationwide in my opinion. There are 18 tracks of goodness on this mix, those two are just highlights off the top of my head.

Mike's mixes are totally different. One is more high energy, one is more dreamy. I have a hard time getting all the way through the energetic one, because it kicks off with KT Tunstall's "You're Not the One For Me," and goll-darnit-to-heck I DON'T CARE how uncool KT Tunstall is. That is some damn catchy shit, and I keep listening to it on repeat and not playing the rest of the CD. I want to listen to this song on every road trip ever.

Mike's dreamier mix sounds like the Rocky Mountains to me. Or any mountains. I spent 10 years in Colorado so maybe this is just my take from my own experiences, but this collection of songs sounds like, I don't know... It sounds like winding roads with switchback turns, wind tickling delicate gold Aspen leaves, crisp mountain air, elks in the distance, crackling bonfires and snow falling at night. It's wild and inspiring and relaxing. It was especially soothing over this past week.

Which, okay. I have a lot of news. I'm not going to blog all of it yet.

I got my wisdom teeth out! That was a weird experience. I went in, they stuck a needle in my arm, and the next thing I knew I was laying on a gurney with my mouth full of gauze and tears in my eyes from the anesthetic. My recovery has been painful, but I'm getting there. The whole "knocked out for surgery" thing really threw me for a loop, too. I'm glad I finally got it done, but I am so ready to be recovered. For one thing? I'M HUNGRY! This liquid/soft foods diet sucks. (HA! I'm awesome. Wait, was that only funny to me and my mom? Oh, fine.) I've already started to make a list of food I'm going to eat when I get back on solids. That list so far:
BBQ - all kinds. Ribs, brisket, chicken, whatever. With a side of cold cole slaw.
A BLT - on white, with mayo. I haven't had one of these in ages, where did this craving come from??
Cajun food - I suddenly require gumbo, jambalaya and etoufee.
Steak - A petit filet would suffice.
Mexican food - Oh, all of it.

I'm sure the more soup and Slimfast I consume, the longer that list will get. I am going to make myself some decadent mashed potatoes, though. Oh, yes I am.

I have so much more to blog, but it's going to have to wait. You'll see.

And yet, I am an a**hole

When I was in Hawaii, my sister gave me a mix CD of male-female duets because she remembered me mentioning (in December) how much I loved them. It ranges from Sonny & Cher to Faux Jean and it is fabulous.

When I got back, there was a padded envelope waiting for me with two mix CDs in it from my dear friend Mikey in DC. Really groovy, personal compilations.

These are my love letters, the things that make me happy the most.

And yet, I am an asshole because the only thing I really want to listen to right now is the soundtrack for Music and Lyrics. *sigh* I can't help it. It's freaking awesome.

Over it, Under it, Next to it: Installment 1

Over it: Friendster
Under it: iLike
Kind of over it, but using it anyway: Myspace

Over it: Pirates. Ninjas.
Under it: Monkeys. Zombies.
Standing next to it: Robots. Robot Chicken.
On notice: All movies made from 80's shows, toys, and cartoons.

Over it: Right? Amaaaaaazing. For reals. For realsies. For serious. -style. As in, "I'm dealing with my vague annoyances in language blog-style."
Under it: Dude. Seriously. Totally. For cute! Because really.
Standing next to it, feeling a little taller: Awesome.

Over it: Gay. Retard. Fatty. Loser.
Under it: Dump truck. Clock.
Undecided: Douche bag.

Over it: Being poor, pretending it's somehow noble and therefore acceptable. Being well-paid, pretending it makes a total lack of nobility okay.
Under it: Having a job with meaning, working with passion, AND receiving fair compensation.

Over it: Supposedly “cute” or “pretty” things combined with “shocking” phrases or swear words.
Under it: Successful combinations of things mean and cuddly, diabolical and cute, shocking and funny, or kickass and pretty.
Depends on the thing and my mood: Skulls.

Over it: Ellipses. Apostrophe's in the wrong place (that was intentional). Commas in, the wrong place (also intentional). Ironic use of text or IM spelling in non-text or IM forums, like it's somehow hip to mock, I don't know, words? People who can't spell?
Under it: Semicolons. Spelling bees. Giving books to kids as presents. Proof-reading things before they're turned in, specifically in professional or academic environments.

Over it: ALL CAPS for EMPHASIS, like, ALL THE TIME.
Under it: Italics.
Kind of "whatever" about it: Bold.

Over it: "I don't really watch TV/have a TV. I'm more of a reader." (And, therefore, smarter and superior to all you TV-watching drones.)
Under it: Heroes. Grey's Anatomy. Battlestar Galactica. The Office. 30 Rock. Veronica Mars. The Daily Show. The Colbert Report.
Still under it: Books. Some of us TV-watching drones enjoy both.

I must have done something right

Since my last entry? Oh, my. Lots has happened though, and I'm going try to move through it all very quickly.

We celebrated a lovely early Valentine's Day on Feb 12 at Crustacean, and stole forks. Well, Mac stole them. I am a horrible thief.

I went to San Francisco for the day on Valentine's Day--in in the morning, out at night--for work.

My brother came to visit President's Day weekend, and we enjoyed a fabulous lazy bbq with some friends complete with full-contact speed croquet and Karaoke Revolution, as well as a trip to the comic shop and a whole day of pretty much nothin'. A relaxing and fun weekend!

We threw another fabulous Oscar Party on 2/25, and I got 9 out of 24 categories correct. My butterscotch chip cookies were far more successful. Check out the whole menu, with pun-tastic names and Mac's mad photoshop skillz HERE.

I discovered my new favorite website/online community: iLike.com. Love music? Listening to music right now, in fact? Come play on iLike with me!

We went to London! It was my first time in London, and it was all I could do to restrain myself from going all, "Pip pip! Allo guvna! Wot wot! Oy!" And so on. (Why must I be so ridiculous?) Had a marvelous time, drank tea, saw many, many friends (more on this below), and got to hang out with my brother in law who was in town at the same time, because the world is just that small. Pictures are still in the camera, but I got some beauties.

Finally, last night Mac & I had dinner with my friend Stephanie and her boyfriend Matt. Unremarkable, you might think, but I've known Stephanie since we were 4 or 5, she just happened to be in town from Chicago and, oh yeah--we hadn't seen each other for 17 years.

I don't think that has enough emphasis on it.

SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEN YEEEEEEEEEEARS DUUUUUDE!

Which you'd think is nerve-wracking and weird-feeling and all, and it kind of was as we were approaching the restaurant? But then it was totally fine, and then it was just awesome and I was just so happy to see her again, and chat about Evansville and what funny, creative, happy weirdos we were as kids.

It's made me think a lot about the connections I've made in my life, these recent experiences. In London, I visited my London office (NERD! I know) and saw some work friends. I took the tube to Chiswick (pronouced Chissick, by the way, in case you ever go) to visit a couple of my dearest college friends who'd just had a baby on Feb 16. I went to lunch twice with a woman I met online, actually, and it was not only NOT creepy and NOT weird, it was rad and just like meeting an old friend for the first time. And I had drinks with a guy who used to be one of my best friends ever. When we weren't trying to date, or recovering from the whole "trying to date" thing, or fighting, or trying not to fight even though he and my other best friend were dating, and really? It's convoluted, and we have a lot of history, and we've been through a lot, and there was a time when I wasn't sure if we'd ever be friends again. But then I pinged him before we went to London, all "Hey, um, are you going to be around?" And he said YES! And made a trip to London from his small England town, and we went to a pub for pints and he showed me pictures of his beautiful wife and little girl, and we caught each other up on everything, and it was just so lovely.

Before we left for London, Stephanie had emailed me to see if I'd be around when she was in town, even though it had been 17 years since we saw each other last. I also got an email from my brother in law's sister that she & her partner are going to be in town and want to see us. AND a potential new friend from New Zealand, a friend of one of our Australian friends, arrived yesterday. We've promised to hook up with her while she's living here and take her around the city.

It's just really cool to me that in the time I've been on the earth, I've connected to people in such a way that I can let them know I'll be in town, or they can let me know when they (or their Kiwi friends) are in town, and we can get together for a meal and some conversation like it's the easiest thing in the world. For the millionth time, I feel lucky and grateful for these connections and friendships. And I can't help but think, for all the things I've done wrong in my life, if I've got people reaching out to me over miles and time, and responding to me when I do the same, then at some point, I must have also done something right. Right?

These are the things I've been doing and these are the things that have been on my mind.