Saturday, October 30, 2004

Super Secret Spy Style

The Mission: To recreate Sydney Bristow's first and most timeless spy look from Alias Season 1, Episode 1: black pants, black turtleneck, black coat, black toque, black gloves, black shit-kicking boots, a truckload of black eyeliner and one very, very bright red wig.

How hard should this be? One would think that, of everything on this list, that neon red wig would be the trickiest to find, right? It has to be a certain length, not too curly, and come without bangs if at all possible.

mAc found the wig first.

The rest of the ensemble was a little trickier. I had the boots, the coat and the eyeliner, so I needed the pants, the turtleneck, the hat and the gloves.

I went to no less than 8 stores to assemble these 4 things. I'd hit 4 stores before finding even one thing. And don't even start with the, "Oh, did you check____?" Because yeah. I did.

What was amazing was how these very basic items turned out to be so, so specific. For example, I already owned black pants and was in fact wearing them while I shopped. But their dressy, flow-y crepe-y style was just too dressy for an outfit that needs to convey that I could totally pound your ass if need be. I needed a more jeans-like cut and eventually found it. In velvet. As for black turtlenecks, there were plenty--with cowl necks, 3/4 sleeves, little green flecks or a nice crocheted cuff detail. All features that I'm sure are lovely for any other purpose, but it's impossible to get into super secret spy character in puffed sleeves.

Which got me thinking--how exactly does Sydney Bristow create her outfits? Being a spy, does she order her black spy-wear in bulk? Is she at with a shopping cart that says, "Black knit skull cap, Qty 10"?

I doubt it. I'm thinking that somewhere in the CIA there sits a super secret style maven in a tastefully decorated office figuring this shit out. Named Stuart.

Stuart is the one who knows where to find that perfect blue rubber tank dress for "Slutty Barbie" Spy, or the silk kimono for "Geisha Spy" or even your basic all-black ensemble for "Classic Spy." Stuart's the one running all over town assembling this stuff, only you know that when he buys pants in bulk they are Prada, sweetie. Nothing's too good for the girl who kicks a little terrorist/arms dealer/drug smuggler butt, is it?

Stuart is also the one that works with Marshall on all of the high-tech accessories. Like Marshall is going to know what Chanel sunglasses are this season or last? Please. "Alright Marshall, these new Dior frames are hot hot HOT, come in a fierce titanium metal and can hold a camera, a laser and a lockpick. Do not let me catch you destroying them like you did with the Guccis I gave you last week, mmmkay doll? Now beat it toots, I have Donatella on the phone trying to talk me into the most ridiculous dress. All feathers, sweetie. I'm so sure."

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