Friday, February 18, 2005

Think about it

My brother in law John is smart. He said the following to my sister the other day when she was stressing out, and it really resonated with me. I'm paraphrasing, because I don't remember it exactly, but here you go.

"If you have chosen work at a profession that you love but isn't super lucrative over making more money doing something you don't love, then there's no point in letting the job you love stress you out and make you unhappy. Because if you're going to be unhappy, you might as well be getting paid."

I'd like to thank Alison for hooking me up with the perfect song for my mood today. Oddly suited to the sentiment above, don't you think?

Money talks
But it don’t sing and dance, and it don’t walk
As long as I can have you here with me
I’d much rather be
Forever in blue jeans
~"Blue Jeans," Neil Diamond

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Maybe we should have watched High Fidelity instead

Ever wondered how my mind works? Let me take you on a little journey through my thought process.

Start by watching one of my all-time favorite movies, Almost Famous, with your honey on Valentine's Day. Now that you've been reminded of how awesome the music in the movie is, crank the soundtrack and listen to it all day long the following day.

Find yourself zoning out over track 5, the Beach Boys' "Feel Flows." Notice how the guitar riff in the song sounds exactly like the guitar in Madonna's "Swim" on her 1998 album Ray of Light.

Toggle between the two on your iPod--confirm that it is, in fact, the exact same note sequence.

Google all variations of Madonna, Swim, Beach Boys, Feel Flows, etc. to find the individual track credits on Ray of Light and see if the Beach Boys were credited. Note that Madonna's official website says the words AND music on Swim were written by Madonna and William Orbit. Google some more to see if someone else has noticed your discovery.

Find nothing. Realize you've wasted a good solid 45 minutes on pointless, albeit mildly interesting, research. Get back to work.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Back off, bitches

Yes, he's handsome. Yes, he has classy taste in t-shirts.

And I know you wish you had a guy who, on Valentine's Day , gets you not only chocolates in a heart-shaped tuxedo box; but also a heart-shaped flower baloon AND a shiny stuffed unicorn. With a sparkly red horn. That plays "Achy Breaky Heart" when you squeeze his tummy.

I know you're jealous. But you can't have him, so back off.
He's allllllllllllll mine.

Happy V-Day

Not to be confused with VD. Because, ew!

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Pretty pretty princess

I bought a wedding dress today! Yay! I'm so 'cited. I'm going to be the prettiest princess who ever princessed alllll pretty. Because I CAN. In my beautiful new dress. And NO I won't post pictures, because mAc reads this. You'll just have to trust me. It's preeeeeeeeeetty.

Now for some fabulous SHOES. Squeee!

Friday, February 11, 2005

Little. Pink. Totally mortifying.

Ever have one of those days when you discover that you left those tiny pink panties with the butterfly on the front that you got on sale at Vicky's at your future in-laws house by accident during your last visit, only to have them give them to your future sister-in-law to return to you when she comes to visit? No?

I have. Jealous?

Thursday, February 10, 2005

No. Just, no.

ABC's "Blind Justice"
"New York Detective Jim Dunbar, [<--why is that comma there?] was blinded in a shootout when his partner failed to cover him. He could have retired with a full pension after his injury, but instead fought to remain on the job, determined to prove he still has what it takes and be an asset. Now, following his reinstatement, he is assigned to a new precinct where he intends to take on cases with the help of his guide dog, Hank.
[It's Daredevil & Hooch! You think Matt Murdock's cane was a cool weapon, wait til you see what Hank can do!]

On his first day back on the job, he meets Detectives Tom Selway (Reno Wilson) and Marty Russo (Frank Grillo), both hardboiled New York cops. [Hardboiled! Grrrrr! Take that Chow Yun Fat!] Russo is especially skeptical at the outset, bent on humiliating Dunbar and seeing him fail. [Because humiliating and destroying the blind is fun, kids! Just, you know, watch out for Hank.] In addition [there's more?!], there's Karen Bettancourt (Marisol Nichols), a Homicide detective who's been working with Selway and Russo for eight months on a serial murder case.

Though all the detectives are impressed by Dunbar's heroism, demonstrated during the events that led to his being blinded [thanks for explaining when that heroism was, I totally forgot it from 2 paragraphs ago], they are angry he has returned and incredulous at his belief that he can still work the streets and carry a loaded gun [I can't imagine why. "Hey, man, bad guy's over the--OW! My ass! You bastard!"]. Bettancourt in particular has reservations, which are compounded by the knowledge of Dunbar's past affair with her friend [Ooh! A completely necessary complication to this not-at-all contrived and convoluted premise. Rock]. As a result, when Lieutenant Fisk (Michael Gaston) - who [after smoking a particularly large vial of CRACK] reluctantly agreed to give Dunbar a chance to prove himself - partners him with Bettancourt, she is furious [furious I tell you!].

Dunbar's wife, Christie (Rena Sofer) has stuck by him throughout his debilitating ordeal and supports him in his moment of need [because, really, no one wants to be the bitch that left her newly-blind husband]. However she has doubts about their marriage [bitch!] based on Dunbar's past infidelities [oh, right], and begins to question why she stays [see above, re: bitch], noting his tendency to take her for granted [well, naturally. Why should he appreciate the woman who stuck by him when he cheated and takes care of his newly-blind ass? Especially now that he has Hooch. I mean Hank]."

This might be the most preposterous premise I have ever heard of in my entire life, and I actually watched an episode of Bachelorettes in Alaska. Besides which, it's totally insulting--to the good people in the law enforcement community who protect and serve; to the blind, who I'm guessing don't love being turned into a fucking novelty by a show claiming to have some basis in reality (as opposed to a comic book universe, say); and finally to anyone with a lick of intelligence. I mean? No. Just, no.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

And by the way?

What is the deal with people misspelling my name when they're sending me an email? You have my email address, it clearly says "dinah" right in the fucking address. Are you lazy? 5 letters too much for you? Just too busy, perhaps? Only time for a d-i-n-a, no time for an h? Or maybe you think that I have chosen to misspell my name, and you'd like to take this opportunity to correct me. Well you know what, buddy? Don't. It's Dinah. It's not that hard. "Someone's in the kitchen with" ring a bell? And, no, don't start singing. Believe me, I've heard it. (And if "Dinah won't you..." comes out of your mouth, I will pop you. I won't, you're a pervert, and the song's about a train. Ass.)

Furthermore, I would like to add for the benefit of people taking my name over the phone: when I spell D-i-n-a-h, that does not directly translate to D-i-a-n-a, no matter how hard you try. I know, Dinah is kind of unusual, Diana would be easier for you ,and hey, Diana's Wonder Woman. I totally get the appeal. But dude? Not my name.

Nor, by the way, is it any of the following: Dana, Donna, Diane, or Deena. I know, that 'I' in the middle of the name is sooo confusing. And maybe some women pronounce it differently, but if you call me Deena and I correct you? Please don't do it again, or I will be forced to hate you forever for being STUPID.

Finally, for anyone still confused, I present to you Dinah's in History:
Dinah Shore, 40's big band soloist, 70's talk show host.

Dinah Washington, gritty jazz & blues singer of 40's & 50's.

Dinah Manoff, barely famous for roles as Marty in Grease and as a daughter on "Empty Nest."

Dinah the Cat, from Alice in Wonderland.

And my personal favorite,
Dinah Lance, aka The Black Canary.

Mispronounce her name? She'll make your ears bleed and kick your ass.


Ever have those days where you hate the world for forcing you to be awake in it?

I hardly slept last night. I overslept this morning and was late for an 8:30 call when I realized that I had totally MISSED an 8 a.m. call (8 a.m.?!?!?! Sadist fucks.) Actually hung up on 8:30 call when I couldn't take the 10 minute monologues and the drastic volume differences (one person yells, the other whispers), and the being ignored until being asked questions that I am clearly expected to have answers to, despite the fact that they have NOTHING TO DO WITH ME anymore. Probably, I should not have done that. I'll feel more rational tomorrow and I'll apologize & smooth things over but today? Fuck 'em.

I hate that I got 1 hour of sleep, I hate this job for forcing me to be here and making me feel guilty for missing calls I totally should have been on, in fact, I hate the phone for ringing, I hate LA drivers for existing, I hate the sun for being so bright and I hate the air for making me breath it. It's too much work, and I! Am! Tired!

It's not even 9:30 yet. It's going to be a long day.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Register This

On Sunday, mAc and I registered for wedding presents. After the scanning is done and the lists have been made, I can officially say--I am Greed's bitch.

We went into this process extremely pragmatically. We've been living together for over 5 years, and even though we've hung on to a number of crappy things from college/early 20's, we've still amassed a lot. We don't need much. So we decided to only add things to the registry that we either didn't have, needed to replace, or just really, really wanted.

First up, dishes & flatware. Absolutely necessary. Then came the combo grill/griddle with removable, dishwasher-safe plates. Oh, yeah. See ya Forman! Then... well. Then shit started to get out of control...

Do we really need a special ladle for pancake batter? No. Is it super-cute and reasonably priced? Yup. Scan it.
Do we have a grill? Nope. But we should probably get a long, suede grilling mitt in a sassy color anyway for when we do. I'm not sure what I was thinking with the blue flowery tea-light holders, except that they were cute and it was really easy to picture them on the windowsill of a bathroom that we don't have yet.
Ditto the small vase with the dragonfly etched in it. The hell? I don't know. Finally, we rarely make soup that doesn't go directly from the can to the bowl to the microwave. So I'm not sure what's going on here.
If we get it, I promise to throw a dinner party featuring some kind of french onion affair.

So, yeah. It's ridiculous, but damn, was it fun. I won't lie. I actually really want that pancake batter ladle AND the matching super-wide pancake-flipping spatula that goes with it.

I just can't help feeling greedy and guilty. "But you're getting MARRIED." I know, and believe me, I am thrilled about that and agree that it's worth celebrating. But it's completely unfair that we should get so much on our special day, yet some of my favorite couples in this country can't.

You know who I'm talking about. I'm talking about Mike & David, who've been together FOREVER and have the rings, the house, the dogs, and the happiness, but no tax benefits, no legal recognition--no registry. Same goes for Joel and Todd, Kate and Monique, and Jennie and Tracey. The list goes on. It's unfair and it sucks.

I'll tell you another thing: it's economically retarded. You want to stimulate the economy? Let those boys in WeHo start having weddings. First of all, I know at least 5 guys who think that having a "beer & wine" bar at a reception is cheap and tacky--it's full bar or they aren't coming. (Good thing they're not invited to ours. *ahem*) Second, Mike & David? Are 38 and 43, respectively. You know they aren't registering at Target. Helloooo Barney's! Now factor in the new demand for Armani tuxedos, Tiffany favors and Spago appetizers, and what? What was that boom? Oh, it's the economy! Hurrah! Red pancake-batter ladles for everyone!


Friday, February 04, 2005

Mix of the Month: February

It seems I've been making and receiving a lot of mixes lately, so I've decided to start sharing them. For example, for my friend Amanda I recently put together a collection of tunes I thought a modern indie princess such as herself would like. May you be reminded of music you love and inspired to share it with your friends.
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1. One Girl Revolution/Superchick - Yeah, it's the same one from the JC Penney ad. But I love the 60's spy-movie sound of this tune, and I really love lyrics like, "I could lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world." I don't care how cheesy it is--this song kicks ass.
2. Hourglass/Brits Out Of America - BOOA is my sister Amy's band. If you were into the Twin Cities local music scene in the late 90's, then you probably saw them. You lucky, lucky person you.
3. Honey/The Marine Girls - This song pretty much defines my attitude when I was single, especially lyrics like, "I know I'll love him forever or until I find another boy." It sounds mean, but it's a super-cute song, and you can't help but sing along.
4. No One's Little Girl/The Raincoats - I love a good juxtaposition in a song almost as much as I love mixed genres, and this song does just that. It's both dreamy and defiant.
5. Teenage Loser Anthem/The Dambuilders - I used to play the violin, and back when I was really good (waaaay back) I used to dream about ditching the Denver Young Artists Orchestra in favor of a kick-ass rock & roll band. But even when I later found a band that wanted a violin in it, they only wanted me for, like, 10,000 Maniacs covers. Booooring. But I would have forsaken Mozart forever to be in a band like The Dambuilders, and that's saying a lot.
6. Bohemian Like You/Dandy Warhols - Remember when you were younger and hipper and everyone you knew was trying to "out-indie" each other with how cool and alternative their lifestyles were, and you were attracted to people who, in reality, were probably Losers except that, you know, they were in a band? This song is about that. I must have out-grown that whole phase, 'cause I think this song is hilarious.
7. Go Lambs GO!/The Soviettes - It's cute, it's boppy, it's pro-choice. What's not to love?
8. Lover/Sonia Dada - My niece introduced me to this song. Imagine a 4-year-old singing, "Loverrrrr, lover, lover. You don't treat me no good no more" and you'll get the idea. Great sing along song, child-appropriate or not.
9. Easier to Cry/Detroit Cobras - Amy walked down the aisle to the Detroit Cobras when she got married. Not this song, though. This one's for anyone who's ever dated the wrong boy, got your heart broken by said boy, and let that bastard make you cry anyway. It's okay, honey. This song is here for you.
10. Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go!)/Garbage - I love that Garbage started using big Spector-like chimes & shit on their beautifulgarbage album. If you were wondering if you could combine bright, electric pop with heavy rock guitars and chimes successfully, then wonder no more. It's all here.
11. Pleasure of Love/Tom Tom Club - This is the song about the girl who likes the alterna-boy in the band, and he turns out to be sweet and commitment-ready, so they get together and live happily ever after. So it's a work of fiction. But it sure is pretty.
12. Love U Doll/Brits Out Of America - I'm not sure Amy even knows why they wrote such impossibly intricate melodies and harmonies, but it's fascinating to hear how a complex structure can elevate even the most straight-forward of poppy love songs. Amazing.
13. Sigh and Explode/The Undertones - My friend Misha used to sing this to me when we were in jr. high and I never knew who it was until I tracked it down just recently. I don't know why there are jangly "old west saloon" pianos on this track, there just are, okay?
14. Tomorrow Comes/Edie Brickell - My friend Mike loved this album so much in college he borrowed it and never quite gave it back. I had to buy it again, but it was well worth the double-investment. More folky than her stuff with the New Bohemians, and this track is way more sassy.
15. David/Nellie McKay - Big thanks to Conrad for putting this on a mix for me; bigger thanks to NPR for introducing him to Nellie McKay in the first place.
16. Shrine/The Dambuilders - It's about the shows, the people you meet there, it's about the music, man. An ode to rock & roll.
17. Matt's Song/The Soviettes - Again, the politically motivated Soviettes tackle a tough subject (um, date rape) and turn it into a great pop song. No, really. It's really good.
18. She Be Wantin' It More/Luscious Jackson - OLD school Luscious Jackson: mellow, funky, poetic, fierce.
19. Hollow Girl/Fuzzbox - I once put this song on a Buffy mix because I thought it captured the resurrected Buffy of Season 6. I just think it's a beautiful, haunting song. Gold stars for anyone who was listening to Fuzzbox in the 80's.
20. Pretty When You Cry/VAST - This song is kind of mean. Okay, really mean. It's also dark and sexy. It appeals to the selfish bitch in me, plus it just sounds really good loud, and that's always a good thing.
21. This Is The Day/The The - Just a little something to help recover from the previous track. Looking for a positive boost to get your day started? Try The The. Could be just the thing.
22. Love Is All Around/Joan Jett - Now toss your beret in the air, baby, because you are fabulous and deserve everything good that's coming to you.

Thursday, February 03, 2005


My sister recently sent out the following pictures of my baby nephew.
Paul watches the game...

...And learns early what it means to be a Vikings fan.

I know, we're a mean family. Babies cry, and we not only don't comfort them, but we laugh at them, then take pictures and share them so that everyone we know will laugh at them too. But you know, we were all raised Vikings fans, and damn. That's just funny. Besides, it could be worse...

We could be Packers fans.