Friday, June 03, 2005

Mushiness. Suck it up.

I've talked about this before, but I just can't help myself.

It's not cool or snarky or funny to talk about love, so if you come to this site to be entertained, then you are SOL. Today, at least. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about some of the outfits I saw at this beer-launching party I attended last night because hoooooooWEE are Angelinos lost without some crappy trucker hat/Ugg boot/Kangol/frilly mini skirt trend to follow. I'm talking Laura Ingalls Wilder in the same room as Humpty Hump, y'all, it was NOT pretty.

Where was I? Ah, yes. Love.

Basically I was reading this forum online and people were trading their ideas on what love is. Really insightful stuff, actually. I started to compose my two cents, however, and it turned into, like, a buck fitty. Then again, I am a newlywed and, as such, madly in love and prone to mushiness. Suck it up.

I have so many details I want to share about our wedding which was, in my mind, perfect. Not because everything went without a hitch, although I'm pretty sure it did. And not because it was everything a "perfect wedding" should be although, for us, it totally was. What was perfect about it, really, was how very US it all felt. The venue, the food, the music, the attire, everything. Even the ceremony, which is one of the last details we hammered into place.

We talked a lot about what we wanted for the ceremony. "Short" was the first word to pop out of our mouths, followed by "meaningful." We wanted something that encompassed us, our relationship, and the reasons for why we were making this commitment to each other, in front of all of our family and friends. The theme quickly became, simply, "Love."

mAc's dad, our officiant, talked about the Bible verse Corinthians 13, the whole "Love is patient, love is kind" thing. But he also put it into context, telling the whole story for why Paul was writing that letter to the Corinthians, and exactly what form of Love he's referring to.

Because there are different kinds of love, right? There's a brotherly, familial love, there's romantic love and there's the plain ol' horny "Naked, please!" kind of love. But in this verse, the Love he's referring to is actually called Agape, which is the word for a love that is both unconditional and a conscious choice. It's a good word.

We also had two readings, from mAc's sister and from one of my best friends. My new sister-in-law read a quote from, of all things, Captain Correlli's Mandolin. I know, Nic Cage's accent, but seriously? Check it:
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because that is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That just being 'in love' which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is leftover when being in love has burned away, and that is both an art and a fortunate accident. Both of your parents have it, they have roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from their branches they found that they were one tree and not two. That is what we see in you."

Great, right? Our other reading was also love-centric, although it ended up taking a slightly different approach. I tasked my dear friend Mike with finding something that described love, marriage and commitment, and he ended up not only reading the Bruce Springsteen quote I suggested, but the accompanying email that I sent him as well.
Bruce: "See, bands get formed by accident, but they don't survive by accident. It takes will, intent, a sense of shared purpose, and a tolerance for your friends' fallibilities...and they of yours. And that only evens the odds."

Me: "Even though he's talking about a band, the same concept applies to lasting relationships and, in this case, marriage. Maybe mAc and I came together by accident; maybe it was fate; maybe it was God's Plan. But no matter who or what gets credit for two people coming together, they don't stay together out of luck, they stay together out of will, intent, a sense of shared purpose and a tolerance of each other's fallibilities.

And then, when you take that and elevate it so that instead of tolerating each other, you celebrate each other, and your will and intent and shared sense of purpose is focused on how you will love and cherish and support the other, well, then. I think you've gone from a marriage that will probably work, to a divinely blissful union that makes you thank God (or fate or chance) *every day* that the two of you were able to find each other.

So there's that."

So, overall, what is love? For me, it boils down to one thing: choice.

Sometimes it may seem like love has chosen you, especially when your beloved is singing badly or snoring or farting or slurping and you find yourself thinking, "Awww! He's so Dreamy!" (Followed immediately by, "The hell? Ew!" And then, "But still... hee!") It's a weird phenomenon that happens to a person in love, and it's easy to write it off and say, "Yeah, but I'm in love," as though it's something that happened to you and it just can't be helped.

But the truth is the good stuff? The true stuff, and the lasting stuff? It is a choice you make, and it is unconditional.

I love you, baby.

2 comments:

Amy AKA wanderingcloud said...

That was awesome.

Los Angellistair said...

I of all people was getting misty eyed on the podium. Not because there were bright lights shining in my eyes but because I was emotional to see two of my best friends on the planet get married. Jesus Christ I'm turning into a freaking girl over here. Next thing you know I'll be talking about living with my girlfriend. Wait, no, dammit!