Tuesday, January 03, 2006


Sometimes when I order delivery and I feel like I'm pigging out, I'll pretend I'm ordering for two or more people so that the person taking my order and/or delivering my food won't think I'm a pig. I'll cover up the phone and pretend to ask someone else what they want. I'll ask for bread or rice for two. I'll request multiple sets of utensils.

I'll do it in the drive-thru, too. Usually ordering two Diet Cokes instead of one will send the "I'm bringing food back for someone" message just fine. Once I went so far as to pretend to be on my cell phone, telling my imaginary dining partner that I'm picking up the burgers right now, and I'll be there in 10 minutes. Because god forbid the 19-year-old pizza-faced Mensa candidate behind the window know that I'm just PMSing and in desperate need of all the grease and salt they can throw at me.

I know I'm not alone in this. I've actually talked to at least one other good friend of mine who has done this, even taken the weird fantasy to the cell-phone-in-the-drive-thru-routine stage. So in case you've ever attempted to save face with the disembodied voice at Great Bowl of China, or the delivery guy from Slice-a Heaven, I just want you to know: you're not alone either.


Steph said...

I have the opposite problem, in that I unabashedly order everything in the world and am then surprised that the restaurant thinks I'm the representative of a horde. Last week the Mr. and I ordered an all-appetizer dinner from the pizza & pasta place around the corner, and our fried ravioli, chicken tenders (x2), onion rings, and french fries showed up with a mountain of napkins and utensils. Which is somehow more shame-making.

Also, I am proud that I found the Mystery Entry. And glad that you're posting again.

Erika said...

I found it too!

And it was a whopper (ba dum bum).

Wow, I thought it was only us fat girls that do this. It's so sad how food has become such a shameful thing to so many women. I have done the cell phone thing a few times (I remember once, at Taco Bell, when they asked me if I wanted hot or mild sauce "asking the person on the phone" which he/she wanted. )

Also, one night I ordered takeout and picked it up and then got halfway out the door and decided I wanted chips and salsa but felt weird about it, so came back in, on my phone, and said "Oy. My boyfriend decided he wanted chips and salsa. Boys!" The hostess and I had a whole conversation about silly boyfriends (of course, I had no boyfriend at the time.)

How pathetic is that?

(Thanks for your entry, Dinah. It might seem like a little one, but it was really comforting to read.)

What's up with me and the parentheses today?

Dinah said...

First of all, Erika? You are beautiful. Second, you're welcome! And I'll even as far as to say I not only know you're not alone, but I also happen to know you're in very good company. Just because we're occassionally weird with food issues, doesn't mean we aren't also AWESOME.

Erika said...

True dat.

And thanks again. Did you want that biggie sized? :)