Wednesday, June 06, 2007

This one time Dinah was so drunk

I recently sent out a survey to my nearest and dearest in a scientific attempt to discover any truly legendary drunken shenanigans in my past that I may have forgotten. The results are in, and they are conclusive: I am, generally speaking, a really well-behaved drunk who mostly just pukes or passes out after a few too many. From time to time, however, I have my moments. And since I promised to share the results here in my blog, here they are, along with the initial request, for your enjoyment.

"Here's the thing: It's been brought to my attention that I can't think of a time I was ever THAT drunk. You know what I mean? As in,

'This one time, Dinah was so drunk she decided to beat up a sidewalk with her FACE.'

'This one time, Dinah was so drunk she believed herself above the rules of the hotel pool, and just jumped on in with all her clothes on.'

'This one time, Dinah was so drunk she thought it would be an awesome idea to stick her naked ass in a refrigerator.'

Great stories, right? ALL TRUE. Not mine. (You know who you are.) Yeah, I've fallen down once or twice, but sadly I'm just a klutz and do that more sober than I do after I've had a few. A little drunken karaoke? Who hasn't? In recent memory, I can only come up with '... she, very professionally, complimented the producer of Scrubs on the healthy work environment he created on his set,' and '... she convinced her equally drunk Australian friends that she could expertly imitate every American accent imaginable.' YAWN. Mostly, my precious few moments of binge drinking all end the same way: 'And then she threw up/passed out.'

So, here's the deal: You help me remember the good stuff, the true shenanigans, and I will faithfully post your stories to my blog.


"This one time Dinah was so drunk she had a very one sided conversation AT Guy Pearce that went something like '… and Momento. What the f*@K was that about?' Oh hang on, that was me." (Beautiful.)

"Do you remember being completely wasted at my friend Becky's house in Edmonds one night after partying heavily? You threw up more than any food we saw you eat that night, seriously. And then you told us that when CSI showed up later, they should check the dumpster out back for your stomach lining." (Oh, god. I remember this. I really thought I'd barfed up internal organs and was at death's door. Not pretty.)

"I do recall playing strip poker in Andy B's basement, though I'm probably the one who lost a shirt. And my dignity." (Ah, yes. Parties at Andy B's. Good times. And, no. I never lost my shirt.)

"Two words for you pumpkin: Glam Fest! And maybe a few college experiences. Ooh! And the time you ran head first into a glass door! Although that's only funny if you have the eternal mental image of it. I'll elaborate later. You really shouldn't have sent me this email." (God bless old friends to hold onto memories of you at your klutziest, right? Right?)

"I can only remember you dancin' it up no matter how trashed you may have been." (This, my friends, will ALWAYS be true.)

"This one time, Dinah was so drunk at an Umatilla party that she called mAc and fell asleep on the phone." (A variation on the passing out theme, but kind of cute, I think.)

"I can’t remember a time when you weren’t in control of your faculties, my friend. You are a responsible drunk." (Hey, someone's gotta be able to talk to the cops.)

"I cannot think of anything; this is not necessarily a bad thing. So you've lived your life with style and grace, what's the worry?" (Now that I know for sure I haven't forgotten anything? I am worry free!)

"I do remember a walk to 7-11 for chili dogs where we were both fushnuckered and I could not help but mention how straight and even the grass was cut at the apartments in front of Langworthy. I'm sure you did something like laugh at me. But I can't remember." (Maybe this is why my friends all think I'm so responsible... they're always drunker than I am.)

"You are one of those people who can be drunk & be rather inconspicuous about it. I can’t recall a time I ever thought to myself 'Dinah is super drunk.' You should drink more and do stupid stuff much more often." (I promised my friend Amanda, who thinks she's never seen me drunk, to get wasted at her birthday party on the 16th. I'll let you know how I do.)

Odds are, your stories are better than mine, and that's what the Comments section is for. Now, bring on the tequila shots!

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