So, fine. I have opinions.

URRRRRG.

Alright, fine, listen. I wasn’t gonna, but the opinions, every week. And then, no one in my house or work watches, so I have to keep them to myself. Which, if you’ve met me, well. Not the most possible thing ever. So, fine. I have opinions. I make no promises for consistent recaps every week, but I have to say at least a little something about these most recent seven dances.

First of all, the praise the judges heap on Travis Wall is crazy well deserved. The kid is creative and resourceful and has created some amazingly physical, musical and emotional routines.

This week, he did a routine to one of my all-time favorite songs, “Your Ex-Lover is Dead” by Stars, so I was pre-disposed to love the dance. The song tells the story about being introduced, as though for the first time, to that one Ex that brings up all your FEELINGS, and is sung in a man/woman duet in 6/8 time accompanied by romantic cellos and French waltzy accordian, and just listening to the song can give me chills and make me cry when they sing, “I’m not sorry I met you. I’m not sorry it’s over. I’m not sorry there’s nothing to say” in unison, one octave above the other.

Not to music-geek out on you, but this is how I feel about music and it’s best you just understand it up front. I am passionate about what I listen to, and I am way passionate about how freaking much I love this song.

So, you can imagine, when Ryan and Ellenore took Travis’s brilliant choreography, and transformed a handshake into the story of an entire relationship that’s run its course, and told that story SO BEAUTIFULLY…. Well. It was overwhelming. It was a moment I never felt in Season 5, as you know. I loved it far too much not to share.

Obviously, I felt Ellenore & Ryan's Contemporary was the best of the night. And I’ll go ahead and add: considering how eye-gougingly awful they were last week? Pretty amazing accomplishment.

Second best couple was Katherine & Legacy. I really thought I was going to hate Legacy, if only for being a douche-tard who calls himself Legacy. But then, dammit, he started winning me over. And this week I needed a cigarette after their Paso Doble (and I don’t smoke). It was just that hot. Again, they were fully committed to the style and the performance and I loved the hell out of it.

The rest break down like so:

3. Noelle & Russel, Foxtrot – Yeah, Russell has improved, and yeah, Noelle is darling, but really this routine was all about their back-to-back shimmy and their genuine, confident smiles throughout the steps. Not a masterpiece like my two faves of the night, but nicely executed and super joyful to watch.

4. Ashleigh & Jakob, “Hip Hop” – Dumb routine (as usual, Napitholeanitha) but danced well. I like these two, I think they really committed to what they were given the best they could, and think they’ll go really far.

5. Channing & Victor, Jazz – Conceptually, this piece didn’t work for me because music and dancing were too much of a contrast for me, the song being too quiet for their strong dancing. I thought it was really well done, but I had no emotional reaction to it whatsoever.

6. Mollee & Nathan, Pop Jazz – I’m not 14, so I really don’t give a shit about these two or how cute they are, and I’m not a judge (or their parents) so I really don’t care how much they grow or mature as people. I mean, Nigel is so invested in trying to snap Nathan out of his spoiled, immature cute boy bullshit that he hardly had a thing to say about his dancing. Which was great, actually. This number was way better than that pile of garbage they handed in last week. But, like with Channing & Victor, it elicited no emotion from me whatsoever.

7. Karen & Kevin, Broadway – I really loved the song and choreography, and the dancing was decent & cute, but only just. Also, I’m super tired of Nigel referring to Karen as “sexual.” Like, he’s not even saying “sexy,” he’s saying “sexuality” and it’s gross & creepy. Also, she’s pretty & all, I guess, but I don’t get what all this hot tamale “Ah-OOO-ga” fuss is all about, frankly. As for Kevin, he's up against Russel & Legacy as a hip hop dancer, and for whatever reason, he's just not rocking it as much as they are.

I meant to do just a short thing about all this, maybe one sentence per couple, and now it’s this long essay. Which took way longer than I expected. This is why I’m not supposed to be recapping this season, y’all. But, whatevs, thems my opinions, and I look forward to hearing yours, and seeing how the votes shake out!